Michelle Buteau Proves You Can Strike It Big at Any Age With 'Zero Apologies'

"Everyone needs an escape and needs to feel seen. And if we're not doing that, then what are we doing?"

Michelle Buteau is proof that you can strike it big anytime. At 46, she's out with her new film Babes (May 17), she has a hit Netflix series based on her memoir Survival of the Thickest and is the first woman to film a comedy special at Radio City Music Hall. She says there's this idea you should "have it all figured out by 40, you should be doing your thing. It's like, no, we don't have it all figured out. We're still growing." Babes, directed by Pamela Adlon and co-starring Ilana Glazer, who also co-wrote the script, shows the role of friendships at pivotal times. "I don't think we talk about how hard relationships are." One thing Buteau does talk about is the need to celebrate yourself, which she does on her Netflix series. "Season one, thick girls were the moment and now it's like, nah, now we all the movement. There's zero apologies. It is bigger. It's Blacker. It's b*******. It's all the things 2.0." As for her comedy special, it's for all those voices "who need to be on the stages" but are rarely given the opportunity she has. "How can we be seen like that unless we see someone?"

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Editor's Note: This conversation has been edited and condensed for publication.

We've known each other for almost 20 years, which is crazy. But it's so amazing to see how successful you've become. Do you ever pinch yourself at how far you've gone?

It's weird because I did have a boss back in the day when I was editing the local news in Miami, and he said find a job you love and it'll never feel like working. I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna quit soon." And I mean, I did stay for quite a bit, because this business is so loopy and crazy and the highs are high and the lows are low. It doesn't feel like 20 years. In some respects it feels like I'm just starting. So that's exciting. And I feel like people think, you are a toddler, then you're a tween, then you go through puberty and then you're in your 20s and your 30s and then you just have it all figured out by 40, you should be doing your thing. It's like, "No, we don't have it all figured out. We're still growing. We're still trying to level up, whether it's financially or emotionally, whatever it is." And I will always say the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So there's still work to be done. But if you can find joy in the work, then 20 years feels like five minutes.

You're so right. Well, your new film Babes is with another longtime friend of ours, Ilana Glazer, and directed by the great Pamela Adlon. What was it like working with friends to make this movie?

I mean, this is the great part about working with friends, because sometimes it can be awkward. We've known each other so for so long, and so the great part about working with these two is that they've been in the business for a while. They're grown women, they get it, they're like, let's have a hard conversation, let's have a good conversation, let's have a good day. We don't need to do overtime, we need to get our shots and have fun, serve the script and the story and go to bed. And so this is why I would love to work with people who know what it's like to not only love to take care of themselves, and their mental health, but also notice taking care of other people. Now, I'm not saying you have to be a mom or dad, I'm talking about other people, you know what it's like to have to leave and think about somebody else. That makes the workday very different. Also, this is why I love hilarious, successful people. They are so comfortable in their skin, and they only want to raise you up and play. You know, coming off of some sets where I've felt like, "Why are people mad at me because I improv?" Whatever it is, I'm just like, "Oh, okay, jealousy and insecurity." I am learning this business being on sets. I had to think about myself in my 20s, in my early 30s, when I was in relationships—LOL I use that term loosely—I was jealous person. And now at 46, 21 from the waist down—start that rumor—I'm just like, I have so much to give, and I definitely want to give it to the right person. Coming into your power is such a powerful place.

And you can feel that in the film, this sort of energy to play, that there's respect between everyone, and you're there to make the best thing possible.

Yeah, it was very interesting because I was going to start production on Survival of the Thickest in August and this filmed in like July and most of August. I was like, "Ilana, I don't think I could do this film. I love you. I want to do this with you." I love friendships. I'm an only child, I'm one of those people that call my friends my chosen family. But I've never done my own show before and I've got these 4-year-old twins, and I can't do it. And she was like, "Buteau, I promise you can do this. You've been doing a lot of things anyways. You can do this." And so when we shifted the whole motherf****** schedule for this movie so I can make it work, Pamela was like, "Who the f*** are we shifting this movie for? She better be f****** amazing. and not an asshole. And she better have big titties have freckles." Just kidding. But like, it was so great meeting Pamela. She's so cool. And what I love is she doesn't mince the words. She lets you know what she means. And you better learn and grow from it. And she was like, after the first or second day, "I'm so glad we made it work with you. Because I'm not gonna lie. I was like, [I'm paraphrasing] 'Who dis b****?'"And I was like, "I am so happy that you're happy." It was a dream.

What about this film did you relate to?

Look, it's about what females go through, but it is a story for everyone. I think this is more important, more than ever, especially as women are constantly being policed about their bodies. And so the fact that these women are choosing to have children, I think, is important and educational. And also, Ilana and Josh [Rabinowitz] have made it hilarious. I don't think we talk about how hard relationships are. I've been married for 15 years, I love my husband, he's a good guy, it's still hard. To have those friends because like, look, you can't be going to therapy all the time, that's expensive. So to have friends that you can actually talk to about that and then also if you've been friends with someone for a long time, decades upon decades, and you go through different things in your life, how does your friendship change? That's the important part, too. It's like, when you decide to adult, whatever that means for you, what does that mean for the people that met you when you were a kid? That's gonna be different. And so it really is like a rom-com love letter to friendships.

I feel like with this film, your show, your stand-up, you're such an example of how Hollywood is changing in how and who gets to tell female stories. Are you feeling this change?

I think the needle is constantly moving, but change is not linear, right? It's all over the place. There will always be that, and I definitely feel like that. But if I had to think about even my mom 40 years ago, who had to get my dad's permission to open up a Macy's card, like that is insane compared to what her daughter is doing now. do you know? So I think it is important to recognize that change is happening, but not just like a bumper sticker. We have to see the change we want to see, like the one good thing about L.A. is that I realized I don't belong there.

I remember.

I was thankful for people like you and people who I knew from New York who are just like real as people with a real story just really trying to figure it out, find ourselves and get paid. But I'm not blaming L.A. for this. [L.A.] was a good lesson for me. It felt like every class I took, acting, improv or hosting classes, everybody was trying to change themselves into what they thought the industry wanted. Nobody was looking inside themselves and pouring into them. I've always, for better for worse, had my own lane. Like, I've never been Black enough. I've been too white. I've been too ghetto. I've been too big. I'm not big enough. At the end of the day, it's just like, "F***, b****, I'm just motherf****** me." And so, when I started writing this book, the mission statement is for the fatty bodies, and the oddy bodies, and the queer questioning and the trans and the non-binary royalty. It's like, b****, we are enough. It's not us that needs to catch up to the world, it's the world that needs to catch up to us, because we are the special sauce that everybody is trying to take and homogenize. So why don't we just be us? Like, what happens if we actually bet on Black? What happens if we actually do that? And so the great thing about working with a platform like Netflix is having your little plus size show in 190 countries is a responsibility. I know that I can be funny as the day is long, because I have been doing stand-up for over 20 years, right? I know I'm funny, but then how can I be responsible and mindful and actually show the New York that I love and that I know? Like, I grew up going to queer places, there's a part of me that learned how to become a woman at a lot of gay bars and lounges and clubs, or whatever we'll call them these days for tax purposes and stuff. You know what I mean? That's the world I want to see. I can't be the only one. And any crazy difficult conversation I've had with my mom about sex, or Blackness, or queerness, or being fat and beautiful, hasn't been from physical education or Sunday school, it's been from an episode of Roseanne or a scene in a movie like The Color Purple. And that's why the arts are just more than important. It is educational, and quite frankly, we f****** save people. Everyone needs an escape and needs to feel seen. And if we're not doing that, then what are we doing?

In Survival of the Thickest, where do we see this character next season?

We're knee-deep in the writers room right now. For me, season one thick girls were the moment and now it's like, nah, now we all the movement. There's zero apologies. It is bigger. It's Blacker. It's b*******. It's all the things 2.0 for the second season. I hope everybody that's on my wish list can come through and make some stuff happen.

You are the first woman ever to do a comedy special at Radio City Music Hall. How do you feel about that, and are you at all terrified?

I mean, do I get bubble guts thinking about it? Absolutely. But if it's not going to terrify me, then what is the point? Again, getting back to how am I paying it forward? If I had to think about comedy specials when I was little and seeing myself reflected in something or someone, it can't just be Whoopi Goldberg and Sinbad. And I am taking a big chance to win this because it is just a lot of money. I understand now why people haven't done it because we need the money because we're not even getting paid what these other comedians are paying in taxes. But for me, especially having kids and understanding that there is a future, not just for the children, but for the Black, the brown, the fat and the queer people who need to be on the stages and be seen. Like the Chappelle, the Gervais, everybody else that has that money. We need to be seen like that, too. And how can we be seen like that unless we see someone? And so bigger picture—is also what I call my waist—is just at the forefront. Am I terrified? Yes, but gladly because the16-city tour that I've done, Full Heart Tight Jeans, I am outside of my body with the amount of love in the room. Because it actually does feel like my win is everyone's win. Because it is and it should be. Because I'm here, you should come here, too.

Speaking of the next generation, people often talk about the state of comedy, and how difficult it can be to navigate some things. Do you ever second guess a joke or worry about cancel culture?

I mean, I think you should second guess everything you say in public on a platform, whether it's going to be taken the wrong way or if it's funny enough, I think you should always be mindful of what is coming out of your mouth. I don't think enough people do that. They think "Oh, I should just be here and say whatever I want, because free speech." But there is this thing with comedy where people are just like you can't say anything anymore. And there's a part of me where I'm just like,"Yeah, thank God. Thank God we have the right mind now and good sense not to say a lot of things." And if you still want to say stuff and have an opinion, absolutely have your opinion. But why are we punching down? Why are we punching down where it's already a very unsafe world, especially these jokes about the trans community. I'm just always like, "Who is this for? Why are we punching down on a minority within a minority?" At the end of the day, we're all just beautiful souls roaming through this Earth trying to find love and be happy. So can you start from a place like that and still be funny? And if you can't, why don't you check yourself and see why you can't?

You've been doing so well, where do you see yourself going in the future? Anything you're dying to do?

Oh, my gosh, I don't know how to answer that. Because every day just feels like a lovely surprise when someone knows me or wants to work with me. Honestly, I want to work with anyone who hasn't been mean to someone, anyone that wants to sit and play for a 12-hour day and be nice to cast and crew and not be a starf*****. That's the person I want to roll with. I don't care if they've been doing it for five minutes or for 50 years. Those are the people I want to work with.