Fantasia Barrino Says the 'Fight was Worth It' to Get to 'The Color Purple'

"I won't let my past cheat me from finding my future."

Sometimes a performance comes along where when you watch it, you just can't imagine anyone else playing that role. That's what Fantasia Barrino has done in The Color Purple (December 25). "I do believe that I am Celie. Celie is me." In the adaptation of the Broadway musical based on the 1985 film and novel by Alice Walker, Barrino makes her big-screen debut. She says this moment feels "like a dream come true. I still pinch myself because I can't believe it's happening." While the film is a bold depiction of the horrors many Black women suffered, Barrino feels the story is universal. "This is not just a Black thing. This is a world thing. Everybody who watches this movie can relate to something" and that Celie's story "is going to break so many curses off women and men, young and old, white and Black." The road to this moment wasn't easy for Barrino, who faced many personal and financial setbacks since she won American Idol in 2004. But she says these days, "I'm waking up in the morning and I'm saying yeah, the fight was worth it. It was necessary."

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Editor's Note: This conversation has been edited and condensed for publication.

How does this moment feel for you?

Like a dream come true. I can't believe it's happening. We did a Q&A last night—and this is my first time even learning what a Q&A is, because this is my first big movie— and in the Q&A, it was so spiritual, like it felt like church. And I always end it with this, this is not just a Black thing. This is a world thing. Everybody who watches this movie can relate to something.

I'm so glad you said that, because while watching the film I kept thinking about my own mother and her history of abuse with my father. Despite the very different worlds between my mother and the characters in the film, there still was something there for me to connect with.

You know, I wouldn't have been able to play Celie if I did not go through a lot of what Celie went through. Without saying a lot, you saw what she went through. That is my story. So I always say, "I am Celie." And I was about to run away from this. I really was. I played it on Broadway. And when I played it on Broadway, my life was in shambles at that time. And I remember on my last day I said, "This is it. I will never come back." I could never do it again. I could never tap into those emotions and those feelings. And when Scott [Sanders, producer] called me, I did say, "no." But I woke up this morning literally talking to my mother, because she's my best friend, and I said, "Ma, I'm so glad I didn't miss this moment." I'm glad that I can release. I was freed from doing the movie this time. That very last scene, when I look at my grandchildren and Celie, her mouth goes wide open and she releases. I'm so overjoyed and full because the world will be free. People will be free. People will walk away from their abuser, and they'll say, "You know what? I forgive you because this stuff is older than me, but I forgive you." Now those may not forget, but I forgive you. I won't let my past cheat me from finding my future. I am beautiful. I am a smart person. I can have whatever I want. I can love whoever I want, however I want, like I'm here. And that, for me, is the biggest victory. If I don't get any award, I feel like I've already won an award by sharing and sacrificing my body once more, going back into my past situations and going back into Celie's, living it, really surrendering to it for six months; that was not easy.

Well that's something unique about you in the film, because out of everybody, we as a culture have more of a relationship with you on a personal level. We know the Fantasia from American Idol. So watching it I kept wondering how are you dealing with your own personal past and your own demons while you were filming? And how did you take care of yourself to do the performance that you ultimately did?

The difference now is I'm married. I'm happy and I have a great therapist. But I chose not to talk to her the entire six months [while filming] because I needed to stay there, and I needed to feel it. Also, this time I saw a lot of things in Celie that I did not see in her the first time. [Back then] all I could see was darkness, gloom. She was always slumped over, she was weighted [down], she carried everybody. But this time, I got to see Celie. [She's] watching everybody. When she does speak, she doesn't say much, but it hits. And this time, Blitz [Bazawule, the director] gave her an imagination. Nobody in this world that goes through trauma does not have any imagination. Whether you are imagining yourself in a better relationship, whether you are imagining your mother leaving your father going to be with a better man, you're imagining yourself not having to be in a situation where you have to be molested at night, whether you are a child that is in a foster home and you imagine yourself with a family. We all have imaginations, and that's what she didn't have on Broadway. That was heavy. This time she lived in her imagination, Celie tap danced; that to me was spiritual. I had to learn how to tap dance, by the way, and that was hard. But I did it for Celie. Because it was almost like when people go through as much as we go through in life, that's life. Life will tell you some stuff that you're like, I was not ready for that. But we keep doing what? Putting one foot in front of the other. So for them to let Celie tap dance, that says she's back. She says, I kept it moving. I'm happy, now I can do it. You can do it. So yes, it was heavy on set. But when I walked off set, my family picked up everything and moved to Atlanta with me. I was able to go love on my kids, love on my husband and sit back and just dissect what the next thing was that we were playing. I would just bust out laughing sometimes and be like, Celie was smart as hell and kept everybody together. That's who I am. I think she's a Cancer. I'm a Cancer.

I'm a Cancer too!

So you know how we are. You can push us to a point where we like okay, well, so we do forgive, and we do want to help everybody else before sometimes we help ourselves. And we just want to see people happy, and that was Celie.

The imagination part is so key, because for so many people who experience trauma, particularly for creatives, we live in our imagination.

Yeah, he gave her an imagination. You and I also have something in common. I watched my mom going through a lot of things. And I remember we talked the other day, and I said, "I want to apologize to you. Because I remember one day I woke up and I said I hated you." And she said, "I remember, but I understand." I said, "But it wasn't that I hated you. I hated that I saw you in certain situations. And I saw you as this powerful woman, beautiful woman, and I felt you deserved so much. And then I walked off and that same generational curse followed me and I ended up chasing after all the wrong type of love, looking for fatherly love." And so now we have deep conversations. And I'm like, "I get it and I understand." But there were times I imagined her out of it and away from it. If she would have [left], that cycle would have been broken. But it did not break until I broke it. And that was the same thing for Celie when she said I'm leaving. She had never stood up and talk[ed] to [Mister] like that. And for her to rise up and know that she had the power and the strength...Yes, she almost killed him going out, but she realized then that she had a voice. And when I realized that I had a voice and I realized my worth, I broke that cycle for my two daughters so that they can continue. And my husband constantly takes them on dates, opens the door for them. Thank you, Lord. Celie is going to break so many curses off women and men, young and old, white and Black.

Did you base your performance on anybody? Or do you see anybody in your performance?

I took certain things from both my grandmothers, even with her posture, the way she would look at things, her facial expressions. And my grandmothers would tell me stories about my grandfather, what they went through, something on the job or something with the kids and we would just sit and listen. And so whenever I would put on my outfit, I could surrender them all of me because I do believe that I am Celie. Celie is me. But I also believe that she inherited a lot of things from both my grandmothers.

You also decided to do a lot of the physical scenes of abuse yourself, instead of using a double. Why?

Because that was freeing for me. I needed to let all that stuff go. And Colman [Domingo] didn't want me to do it. He was like, "No. "And then finally he pulled me to the side and said, "Tell me why do you want to do this." And I said, "Because it's going to be healing for me, and I can let some things go that you don't know about." And he said, "You promise me you're not gonna get hurt." And I said, "I promise." Of course, I got bruises and I was sore. But it was freeing for me. When I got up, I was able to say I forgive all of those guys who just couldn't see my light. In fact, I think they could see it. They just kept trying to beat it out. So, I needed to let it go.

The impact women have on each other is a huge part of The Color Purple. What impact do you think this will have on women, and what impact did it have on your connections with the women in the film?

You know, it helped me a lot because I kind of shied away from relationships with people in general. Just because of all the stuff that I went through. Before going to film, I had a panic attack. I was telling my husband, I was like, "What if they didn't like me?" Because when you have been through so much trauma, especially in the industry, you run from the industry, you're like, "I don't want no part." The industry seems fake. And so when I got on set, and before we even started filming, we would get together and sing and crack jokes. And Colman would always pray with all of us. We would check on each other, go out to eat. We built a bond before we started filming because we knew if we did not [have that bond] it wasn't going to come across as it needed to come across. It would have been phony and it would have been faked. So we started building bonds. And we started understanding how much we had in common. I'm from North Carolina, Danielle [Brooks] is from South Carolina, to Taraji [Henson] has roots in North Carolina. We all could relate, especially as women and as mothers, and who have been in good relationships, bad relationships, who has gone through things with their families who has gone through things in the industry, we all have the same story of fighting to get to a certain place. So we just kind of became very close and protective over each other. And you could feel that in the film.

How does it feel to have your name in the mix this awards season?

I'm nervous. But you know what I keep thinking about? They almost gave up on me. A lot of people said it was over due to the things I went through after [American] Idol. Listen, I was 19 years old. I was a little girl from High Point, North Carolina. I knew nothing about Hollywood, I knew nothing about the industry, I just loved to sing. And a lot of the things that I went through, a lot of the people who came in and out of my life, who said they loved me, they had my back, I lost everything twice. Houses, cars, gone. There was a point in my life where I tried to order a pizza, I'll never forget, and I'm gonna laugh about it now, even if I have tears, and not tears of sadness, they are tears of joy. I took care of my whole family and they were all living with me. Everybody was hungry and I said I'm gonna order pizzas. And my card kept declining. I called my management at the time and I said, "Something's wrong, I can't order a pizza." And that's when the person who was managing me at the time said, "Well, I've been wanting to talk to you. There's no money in that account." And I have been busting my butt for 20 years on a stage. How is there no money? But I never gave up. So to be even nominated...The other day, I sit in the room with the greatest actors. I had to let them know. I was like, "I'm honored. I'm humbled." And I also have to remind myself you made it.

Well, from all of us who have been rooting for you since day one, we're glad you made it.

Thank you. You made me cry again. I want my tears of joy though.