I Accidentally Turned On the Chainsaw. It Was Gruesome

I was not prepared for the mental impact my injury had on me.

In October 2022, I experienced a traumatic accident. I was having a normal day in my garage when I accidentally turned on a chainsaw run by battery. Three of my fingers ended up caught in the blades and were sawed off.

Due to being rushed to the emergency room, the doctors were able to save, reattach, and repair all my fingers. However, my road to recovery was challenging.

While in the hospital, I experienced a serious infection following surgery and then the medications I was prescribed gave me serious adverse side effects. Severing three of my fingers was traumatizing enough. But the side effects I experienced in the hospital compounded the vast amount of trauma and stress I was experiencing.

Through a long process of rehabilitation I have regained full functionality of my fingers, thankfully, but I have no plans to pick up a chainsaw any time soon. My injury is an important reminder that you need to take the batteries out of your power tools.

After my surgery I was in the hospital for over a week—including six nights in the ICU—and I could not wait to go home. During my stay at the hospital, I learned from my doctor that PTSD and panic attacks are common among gruesome injuries, similar to my injury from a chainsaw accident.

Physically, even though the surgery went great, I had to relearn how to use my fingers again. The incident and subsequent complications caused me to develop PTSD and panic attacks that led to severe depression.

To be honest, life became unbearable as I was experiencing multiple daily panic attacks, social anxiety, inability to sleep, and debilitating flashbacks. There becomes a point where it becomes too much. I had to take time off of work for four months to recover both mentally and physically.

The physical journey to recovering was long and compounded by the PTSD and panic attacks I developed. My depression caused me to withdraw from the people and experiences I used to love. I couldn't go anywhere, couldn't go to the movies or the mall.

I was embarrassing my family by "freaking out" in public with little to no warning. I had to stay home. Anything related to the injury became a trigger for me. Heading to the garage, sounds, even lights would trigger flashbacks to the trauma. These flashbacks were horrifying and paralyzing, and due to them I could not move forward from that day.

The panic attacks caught me off guard as it was really the first time I had experienced anything like that. As I would try to dig back into work or as I was focusing on an important task I needed to handle, it was overwhelming.

I would just be looking at myself and see my hand still wounded and that would compound the surreal feeling that this injury really happened to me.

Seeing the injury was the hardest part of my recovery, especially in the beginning when I was in the hospital with nothing but my own mind to keep me company. My mind ran wild and that was not a great place to be when I was injured and recounting all the things that had happened to me.

I am fortunate to be a part of the clinical and medical community due to my line of work and I leveraged those connections as much as I could during this time. I was desperate, willing to try anything, and I am thankful that I was surrounded and still am by those who can help.

I have always practiced mindfulness, mediation, things of that nature, but I didn't seek out treatment initially. I'm a medical device industry executive and my day to day is riddled with stress, but I never thought I would need more than my usual techniques to manage it.

When discharged, I was handed a list of treatments to help address my symptoms and eventually I decided to explore therapy. I was prescribed lorazepam to help manage the panic, but I only felt more anxious and didn't feel confident returning to work while on these medications.

I needed something that would help me return to a life I considered to be "my normal" because nothing was helping relieve any of my symptoms.

Eventually, I sought out a medication-free online treatment for panic disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms called Freespira, and I am beyond happy I did.

I got my life back. Compared to the other treatments I have tried, this method is truly the best. The long term impacts have been nothing, but positive.

The last panic attack I remember having was two or three days after my initial treatment. The treatment worked very quickly and I was a believer almost immediately and still remain one.

My symptoms are gone, I was able to return back to work, and I have regained control over having a healthy life with my family and friends.

For the month I was on the treatment, it was a non-negotiable part of my day. I made sure I had both my treatments done, morning and night for 17 minutes each.

In May of 2023 I was finally able to return to work. Even to this day I practice the breathing methods taught to me and implement them in my daily life, on work calls or in my private life.

This treatment has had such a profound impact on my life, I can't imagine where I would be if I was never introduced to the technology.

There are a lot of options, everyone has a fix. I looked for one backed by science, and that could fit in my day to day. I needed to be coached, the combination of technology and human helped me learn and understand what was going on with my body.

The best advice I can give: don't be afraid to advocate for yourself, do your own research, or ask for help. Lean on the people around you because there is a solution out there for you.

Doug Bartlett is a medical device executive with over 20 years of experience. He lives in Colorado with his family.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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