To Achieve Work-Life Happiness, Stop Trying to Be Happy

The experience of work has been turned upside down in the last few years. And if you're like most people, you're giving more thought to when, where and how you work—as well as why. The global dialogue is in full swing with people making conscious choices engaging with their work based on whether it's fulfilling and satisfying—and based on whether it contributes to work-life happiness.

But surprisingly, if you're pursuing happiness in your work life, you're likely to be disappointed. In fact, going after happiness for its own sake is linked with greater levels of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Why Happiness Is the Wrong Goal

It's natural for people to want to be happy. But ironically, if you make happiness the goal, you'll actually feel more frustration and angst, based on research in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

The reason: If you're seeking happiness for its own sake, you're focused on what you're missing or what you lack. This negative tilt can cause greater dissatisfaction.

In addition, when you're on the hunt for happiness, you're generally focused on yourself—which is also negatively correlated with happiness as compared to an emphasis on helping others.

Interestingly, chasing happiness can also affect your sense of overwhelm, pressure and time scarcity, based on research featured in the Psychonomic Bulletin & Review. When you're hustling to always get more, have more and enjoy more, you add to your stress and potentially miss significant moments in the meantime.

But the answer isn't to avoid joy. Instead, you can create the conditions for happiness.

How to Create the Conditions for Happiness

Instead of chasing happiness in your work life, create an environment that encourages happiness. Here are a few ways you can do that in your day-to-day life.

1. Focus on Gratitude and Generosity

As an alternative to focusing on what you lack or focusing on yourself, you can be intentional about both gratitude and generosity.

There is significant research on the links between gratitude and joy. When you are intentionally appreciative, you are more likely to be satisfied. In addition, the most powerful effects result when you're grateful for your people, your capabilities or other elements of life which are non-material—since materialism also tends to detract from happiness.

Generosity is also a sure path to greater pleasure. Repeatedly, research has found when people give to others, they tend to feel better about themselves, their lives, their work, their boss, their co-workers and the world around them. That's a lot of benefit from just one area of focus.

Set aside time to think about what you're grateful for—perhaps when you're beginning and ending each day. Gratitude, even for small things, pays big dividends.

As an added step, be intentional about giving your time to others and supporting others—not only through monetary donations but through giving your attention or your personal investment.

2. Focus on Purpose

Another route to happiness is to consider the bigger picture. Evidence demonstrates when you believe your work matters, you're more likely to feel a sense of joy. Remind yourself of how your contributions are unique and valuable to others—your teammates and customers.

Consider your purpose in life as well. You don't have to be solving world peace or world hunger to be important to your family, friends and community—your seemingly small role matters to people around you and can be a source of satisfaction. Preparing dinner for the family, driving the kids to soccer or supporting a friend through a hard time have meaning even when they are modest.

3. Focus on Connections

Another critical component of happiness is feeling connected to others. We are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic where large numbers of people report they don't have a friend, they don't feel part of a community and struggle with isolation.

A study by Julianne Holt-Lunstad at Brigham Young University showed that having one or two close friends affects your health more significantly than your habits related to drinking, diet or exercise—and on par with smoking. Relationships are fundamental to physical, cognitive and emotional health.

Prioritize creating, building and sustaining relationships. To make a close friend, it takes about 200 hours of investment—seeing them regularly at work, rolling up sleeves and innovating together, having coffee or taking a walk.

But while you're investing in your close network, also stay open to plenty of superficial friendly exchanges as these are also correlated with happiness. Chat with the barista, banter with the checkout clerk and be kind to the waiter. While these may seem like insignificant exchanges, they actually contribute to your overall sense of positivity and also to a constructive community.

4. Focus on Learning

You can also increase your happiness by finding ways to stretch, grow and try new things. Learning is linked with happiness because it provides stimulation and challenge. You push yourself to think in new ways, to experience new things and to accomplish beyond your expectations.

Seek smart risks and explore new territory. Identify a problem at work and volunteer to solve it. Raise your hand for the high-profile project or the promotion. Learn a new language, go rock climbing or push yourself to a new personal best with your running.

When you stretch in any endeavor, it helps you adapt in all endeavors—and the ability to respond and demonstrate resilience contributes to your sense of joy in work and life.

Putting the Work in Work-Life

Work is part of a full life. And while the popular press tends to recommend less work to achieve happiness, work is actually an important place to express your skills and talents and make contributions to your community.

You deserve to feel joy and happiness—and while you can't catch it, you can capture the conditions which make it more likely.

Focus on all you're grateful for. Reach out to others. Give and connect. Also find ways to stretch to what's next and remind yourself how you matter to those around you—both in your work and your life. By taking these steps, you'll foster your own fulfillment and others' joy as well.

About the Author

Tracy Brower is a Ph.D. sociologist studying the future of work, work-life fulfillment and happiness. She is the author of The Secrets to Happiness at Work and Bring Work to Life. She is the vice president of workplace insights for Steelcase and on the board for the United Way as well as an executive adviser to several organizations. Tracy's work has been translated into 19 languages. You can find her at tracybrower.com, LinkedIn, or any of the other usual social channels.