'I Drank Alcohol Every Day, One Trick Helped Me Cut Down Without Quitting'

The very first time I drank alcohol was accidental. When I was around 6 or 7 in Scotland, my parents hosted a drinks party and I didn't actually know there was alcohol in cider, so I had five bottles. I ended up staggering around the house and, of course, my mother was appalled.

When I was a teenager, we had beers at school occasionally but I didn't drink heavily until I was 18 and got a job as an engineer in the Middle East. I worked for a company which provided an open bar every evening, for free, so I drank quite heavily. Typically, I had around eight to 10 drinks a night.

At the time, I thought drinking was cool. It was what adults did and everybody I associated with drank too, so it seemed normal. When you're surrounded by people who are doing the same thing as you, it's easy to form habits and then keep them by association.

After leaving the Middle East in the mid-1980's, I returned to the U.K. and moved to London to work in finance. During this time, I wasn't drinking an enormous quantity as such, but I was having one or two alcoholic drinks every day.

Whenever there was a social event I would drink more—partly to make the evening feel more lively. Most people believe they are wittier and more clever after having a few drinks and I probably fell into that category myself.

In 1988, I was offered a work contract in Australia and ended up staying permanently. My relationship with alcohol remained the same. I wasn't getting horribly drunk every day or anything like that, but I drank regularly.

In 2001, my wife died of autoimmune hepatitis, aged 35. Four years prior to her passing, she had been told to stop drinking, but she didn't. She and I drank the same amount and while her death was not primarily caused by alcohol consumption, I believe drinking likely expedited the process. Her death made me think about the value, or otherwise, of drinking.

Going sober for a year

The same year, when I was 45, I planned a long hike in western Australia, from Albany up to Perth. I thought: "Okay, I will stop drinking because I need to physically be able to carry all my equipment on the hike, plus it will be good for me."

So I did stop and it was good for me, but after a year of being sober, I began drinking again. There was no particular reason I started, other than social pressure to "have a drink." One drink turned into another and suddenly I was back to drinking every day.

In 2005, I remarried and my wife barely drank at all; however, she gradually started to drink more regularly, because I did. In 2010, we moved to Belize, where alcohol is much cheaper than in Australia, which encouraged us to drink more.

After returning to Perth six years later, how much we were drinking became a shock simply from a cost point of view. In Belize, we had been buying good liquor inexpensively, but now it was costing around $400-500 a month.

Because alcohol was costing so much, I thought it would be a great idea to start distilling my own spirits. That was not a clever move, because when alcohol became cheaper again, I began drinking larger quantities of it.

One night, while I was working on my second brew, I thought: "This is totally out of control." I was drinking around a fifth of a bottle daily. Around the same time, my wife confronted me about my alcohol consumption.

Quitting alcohol

My initial response was fury. I was angry and very defensive because it was true and, as the saying goes, nothing hurts like the truth. I knew what it would mean to try and stop, but within 24 hours I had taken her words on board.

In February 2018, I stopped drinking for six months. I was managing to stay sober but, as I approached my 57th birthday, I became apprehensive. I was celebrating by going to visit a friend in Holland, with whom I would usually drink large amounts.

I decided before the trip that when I saw him that I would have one drink—and that was it. To my mind, never doing something again in your life is a very hard thing to do, so I resolved that I would allow myself to drink once a month.

To begin with, I believe my wife was concerned that if I had one drink, I would have 20, which is a common problem for many who have given up alcohol. But I have never been the sort of person to sit down and drink an entire bottle of scotch, so I was confident it would work.

During my visit to Holland, I had two small whiskeys and I enjoyed them. I would probably have been able to drink more, but there were other people there moderating what I was doing.

The next month I tried it again, it worked again, and I thought: "Maybe this is a balance that will work for me."

Drinking once a month

This technique sits well with me because it's allowed me to wean myself off alcohol without the shock of saying I could never have it again. To me, it's like a mother taking away a toy and saying: "You're not allowed to play with that." Instantly, you want to rail against that confiscation. Whereas, if you decide to remove something from your life on your own, you feel much more in control.

To begin with, not drinking required a lot more willpower than it did now; I was looking forward to my monthly drink. However, now, I believe drinking small amounts has helped me get to the stage where I no longer have a huge desire to drink in general.

Sometimes I even skip my monthly drink. If I am attending a social occasion, I will usually offer to be the designated driver, because I find otherwise people tend to question why I am not drinking.

Quite often I'm actually quite reluctant to have my drink now, but I do so because certain people around me expect me to. So whenever I drink, I have a glass or two and that's it. Alcohol is not something I hanker after any longer.

I remember each time I drink because it's always connected to a social occasion. I had a drink in November and one on Christmas Day, but I haven't had a drink so far in 2023. For the next three months I will likely skip my monthly drink and have 90 days sober.

How my life has changed

When I was drinking regularly, I think most people looked at me and couldn't see anything wrong. I have always been very fit for my age; I exercise every morning.

Yet I am a much calmer person now. I used to get angry or unhappy more easily; my emotions would swing much more widely. But now I'm pretty much on an even keel every day. I'm more predictable to myself and others.

Since cutting down, it feels as though I utilize my day more efficiently. For example, if you have a couple of drinks then suddenly you're in a different mood and don't want to go out into the garden and do something, you just instantly want to relax.

Before, I would waste my weekends and evenings—so much of my life—because I was seeing the world through this mental fog. Now that I have stopped drinking for the most part, I certainly find that I do much more. The evenings are open to me, the weekends are creative and active. My life is different and, to me, that's a massive benefit.

John Ricketts, 62, is a former engineer who lives in Western Australia with his wife.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek editor, Monica Greep.