Anger as Man Rejects Pregnant Wife's Request to 'Stay in Bed' After Birth

Pregnancy is always a hard time for women, but it can get even worse when you're with a man who doesn't understand your needs and dismisses your concerns. The internet recently dragged a man who denied his wife a period of total rest after having his baby because she had already had enough rest in his opinion.

In a post shared on Reddit in May, under the username u/Desperate_Feature_41, the woman explained that women from her region are entitled to a period of confinement after giving birth, called zuo yue zi, where they rest and do nothing until their body heals.

After having a baby, she told her husband she wanted to follow this Chinese tradition. "What we do is to stay in bed and try to recover the physical and mental toll pregnancy did on our body," she said, describing the recovery period.

Her husband, however, didn't agree and told her that it wasn't necessary and that she'd already had enough rest since she was home for the last two months on maternity leave.

She wrote: "So here's why I think is feasible: We make really good money so it's not going to make a big dent on our financial account. I can just have my parents take care of me. My company has really good employee benefits so even if I take that extra month off it will still be under parental leave. My states have parental leave for guys too so my husband can also stay home to spend more time with our daughter and me.

Marni Goldman, certified life coach, and author of True to Myself, told Newsweek: "Is this 'entitlement' or 'confinement?' The most problematic issue here is the lack of healthy communication. Was this cultural behavior discussed prior to the baby's arrival, or was it an afterthought?"

According to Goldman in this case, even the wording used to describe this scenario feels very dismissive and demanding.

She said: "Your partner isn't supposed to 'let' you do something, nor should you ever just 'expect.' Like oil and water, it won't mix well. Two months in any culture seems ample time for rest and recovery.

"Her request seems very antiquated, as we live in a modern day world. There might be a deeper meaning. Postpartum is very real and can have severe emotional effects on a new mother.

Many people feel reaching out shows weakness. The fear of shame and judgment becomes internally overwhelming."

Goldman says that this is where communication and comprehension are imperative: "If this were discussed in a healthy way, empathy and compassion would be at the forefront. Maybe being a new mom is too overwhelming, and she just needs some extra time. It sounds very cruel him saying he won't take care of her, but if properly expressed, feelings might not be invalidated, and a happy compromise will occur. What she calls 'confinement' just might be code for depression."

The post, originally shared on the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, quickly went viral, and it has so far received over 10,500 upvotes and 2,100 comments.

One user, Chocolatecandybar_, commented: "[Not The A******]. When your husband will actually deliver he'll have a say." And moonlightetsunshine said: "[Not The A*******]. You're the one giving birth, you get to decide what you need in the process. Talk to him about it, tell him how it's important. If he becomes unreasonable, pull a Rachel and say, "no uterus, no opinion."

Odd-Comfortable-6134 wrote: "[Not The A******]. America is the most backwards when it comes to maternal care, and your husband is a product of that culture.

"What they (and everywhere) should do is more like what you're used to from home. When you've grown an entire human, then pushed it out at great pain/possible death/potentially lifetime difficulties, you deserve to rest as much as you feel the need. That time should be just you and babe getting to know each other and your new routines. Not to mention the disgustingness that's going to be coming out of your body for weeks (it's not anything like a regular period. It can last for 6-8 weeks, and you'll have clots as big as your fists, and they HURT). Do what you need to do mama, you'll have earned it."

And evileen99 added: "Back in the '60s, new moms used to get about a week in the hospital after a vaginal delivery. Then the insurance companies decided they didn't like paying for that and now we have the mess that the U.S. currently is."

Newsweek reached out to u/Desperate_Feature_41 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.

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