Anger as Woman Criticizes Her Mom for Choosing 'Very Poor' Boyfriend

Online commenters have dragged a woman who criticized her mother for being in a relationship with a man with a "very poor" background, telling her that she failed her children by not choosing a man who is more "financially solvent."

In a post shared this month on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet under the username SilkPass, the mother said she recently had a row with her 19-year-old daughter after she told her she was "short on money" and couldn't give her any. In response, the daughter told her mom she wouldn't be in that position had she chosen a man who could provide more stability.

The poster wrote: "My daughter and I have had a volatile relationship in the past but for the last three to four years everything has been sweet between us and I've supported her enormously (especially financially) at great cost to myself and my partner. She can be very manipulative but also insightful, funny, loving and I love and adore her (and my son)."

Forty-five percent of American parents with adult children still provide financial support for at least one grown child, according to a Savings.com survey, and about 31 percent of the children getting financial help are millennials.

The survey also found that among those providing support, the average monthly amount exceeded $1,400. Moreover, parents who are 10 years or less away from retirement age contribute the most each month to their children, on average about $2,100, and put only $643 into their retirement accounts monthly.

The poster said that during her six-year relationship with her partner, her daughter had some initial trouble adjusting to her stepdad. But with time she grew to like him and he has done a lot for her over the years, "more than her father ever did," including lending her money.

The poster wrote: "I got an all-out attack [from my daughter] via text. How I was failing myself and both children for not choosing a man who was financially solvent and should be living in a large detached house (with bedrooms for them all I suppose?) and how I should be winding down instead of still working in my mid-50's."

The poster continued: "She was so nasty and hurtful and asked me what the f*** I thought I was doing with my partner who came from a very poor background but works incredibly hard to provide for us, and we are working our way out of debt and into a good position, but with Covid and the loss of our clothing business due to Covid it's been hard and he has had to retrain himself.

"She's even told me that I should leave all my money (what money!!) to both children not to my partner as 'that's what parents should do for their children,'" the poster said.

Marni Goldman, a certified life coach and author of True to Myself, told Newsweek: "This woman needs to look in the mirror, and the reflection that she sees is the only one who needs to be prioritized. Herself. Raising two children as a single mom is truly commendable."

Addressing the poster, Goldman went on: "Failed your kids?!? One of the hardest roles in life is the duality of being mother and father. Your daughter, sadly, sounds like she has years of underlying resentment and projecting it all onto you. Once those venomous words come out of your mouth, they can never be taken back. It's like going for someone's jugular emotionally."

According to Goldman, it's quite obvious that the poster's daughter looks at her as only a "human ATM machine" and feels she should've married someone and become a "glorified call girl" rather than finding true happiness with the man she loves.

Goldman said: "It's time to make peace a priority, where negativity cannot exist. It's time to take your power back and not let yourself ever be disrespected with such derogatory comments. Unfortunately, what you thought was a change in your relationship years ago was only your daughter schmoozing you.

"Her true colors were revealed shortly thereafter," Goldman continued. "Money is such a personal matter and should never be discussed. Nobody, not one person on this planet, has the right to tell you what to do, especially when dealing with your finances. If you want to leave everything to a park bench, that's your prerogative. When taking your power back, remember 'no' is a complete sentence."

Most users on the thread sided with the poster, saying the daughter sounds highly manipulative and narcissistic. One commenter, veggiegestational, said: "I don't know about the rest (she sounds rude & dramatic) but yeah you should leave your children your money not your partner - isn't that obvious???"

Untitledsquatboulder said: "It's fine to put your partner first in a situation like this. I know you adore your daughter but she sounds highly manipulative and sweet and lovely only as long as the money keeps flowing."

Another user, TomatoSandwiches, wrote: "Sounds like she has some serious issues and I wouldn't entertain the idea of helping her out financially ever again. She's nice when you give her what she wants and awful to the point of verbally abusive when you dare deny her something. Cut your losses and limit contact with her, you are just a means to an end.... She can and has been manipulating for years, she has no warm fuzzy feelings for you at all."

AnotherDelphinium said: "Is it possible your daughter has narcissistic tendencies? Especially after all the help you've offered previously.... I'd be looking to slowly cut ties with her. I'd hate the thought my mum was with someone for his money, rather than a mutual loving relationship!"

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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