'I Became Transgender, My Wife Stayed With Me'

While growing up, I felt a little bit different from others. In elementary school, I didn't like taking part in contact sports like rugby—I would always opt for basketball instead, and a lot of my good friends were girls. At the time, being transgender was not something that I really understood, so I pushed it to the side and thought that I was just a little bit different from everybody else.

When I started college in 2009, I began to do some research and realized that a lot of the feelings I had aligned with what it meant to be transgender.

During that time, I met my wife, Jae, on Myspace. We hung out for a little bit. I was in college and she lived in Canada, but I was completely unaware of how to sponsor somebody to come and live in the U.K.

I was only living off a few dollars a week and it was really difficult for us to maintain a long-distance relationship. We both had a lot going on in our personal lives. The timing was bad, so we had to break up.

A few years later, in 2012, I got into a serious relationship, but it ended five years later because I felt that my partner at the time was extremely intolerant of my feelings.

I would do very subtle things like shade my eyebrows and wear concealer, and she would say, "What's going on? Are you okay?" I would use that as my opportunity to try and express my feelings but before I could speak, she would tell me that she didn't want to hear anything I had to say because she wasn't into women and would never be. I didn't feel safe speaking about my feelings about wanting to be transgender, so I swept them under the rug.

After we broke up in 2017, I felt like I could be myself more. I enjoyed being able to see the outside world again and I was able to start exploring my feelings towards my gender without the burden or responsibility of having to tell somebody else. It was very freeing.

Jae came over to the U.K. in 2017. I'd always known that she was a very caring person and I always felt safe around her. We began dating again and it was as if time hadn't passed. I proposed to her in that same year, and we got married in March 2018.

I was a little bit worried about keeping my feelings from Jae, and I didn't want anything to detract from our wedding, but by that point, it was starting to eat away at me, so in order for us to have the life I envisioned, I had to find a way to tell her and remove that wall between us. I've always known Jae is a very open and accepting person, so this helped me to find the confidence to tell her.

On our way back from our wedding, Jae saw a video of a woman who put a full face of makeup on her partner while he was asleep, and she asked me how I would react if she did that. I said, "I'd love it."

Jae was very surprised more than anything when I said I would love a full face of makeup, but at the same time she was suspicious of how excited I got when she offered.

A few weeks later, I had a serious conversation with Jae and told her that I wanted to explore the feelings that I was having more deeply. She was very accepting and she told me that she just wanted me to be happy, because it's the person on the inside that she fell in love with. When Jae fully accepted me as I was, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe.

Not only had I told her how I was feeling, she had accepted it wholeheartedly, and that only brought us closer together. Jae then began doing my makeup and it made me feel good. I felt confident and happy.

In May 2018, Jae and I had our honeymoon at Center Parcs, Longleat, U.K. We thought that it would be a good opportunity for me to maybe try an outfit on and some makeup and actually go out and have a bit of real-life experience. So, we went to dinner that evening.

I got dressed up and I borrowed one of Jae's handbags. She did my hair and makeup and we sat down at a restaurant. The waiter came over and said, "Good evening, ladies," and the look on my face said it all. Jae knew that that was it. She knew that that is what I wanted to do.

For me, cross-dressing wasn't full-time enough. I didn't want my gender to be a mask that I could take off and put on. So, we had a talk about me transitioning while we were at Center Parcs over a pizza in our room. We discussed beginning to end what I wanted, at that time, to achieve, and what it meant for us as a couple. The conversation was quite emotional, but I was extremely relieved and very at peace with it.

Knowing that I'm with somebody who is completely fine with who I am and isn't going to stop me from being myself was, and is, the best feeling ever. Jae appreciated the fact that I gave her the opportunity to ask me any questions she wanted in order to understand the procedure of transitioning more.

Being able to have open, honest discussions and not having to tiptoe or worry if she was going to hurt my feelings by asking me a specific question was healthy. I trust Jae and I knew that she was coming from a place of trying to understand me when she asked me several questions about my transition journey.

That's when my research came in handy because I already had most of the answers to what she was asking. Mainly, her questions were about what our future would look like, when I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy, and whether I wanted to transition fully.

In August of 2018, I began hormone replacement therapy. The dynamic of my marriage with Jae has become even better since transitioning because I am able to be happier and more content in life. It's a lot easier for me to be with Jae now, knowing that there isn't something I'm keeping from her. Jae knows everything about me now. There are no secrets anymore.

It's given us the ability to have the most open communication ever. We're happier as a couple now because I can be myself, and Jae accepts me for who I am.

Rayna Harvey is a graphic designer based in the U.K. She uses her social media platform to document her life with her wife, Jae. You can find out more about her here.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.

Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com