Boyfriend Dragged for Anger Over Girlfriend's Sign Language: 'Red Flag'

The internet has backed a woman who didn't tell her boyfriend that she knew American Sign Language (ASL).

In a post on the popular discussion site Reddit, user u/wandering_witch_123 asked: "Am I the a**hole for speaking ASL and not telling my BF I know how to sign?"

American Sign Language—also known as ASL—has been developed for over 300 years. Dating back to 1817, it is today used widely throughout the U.S. with its own vocabulary, grammar, word order, and style that does not necessarily reflect English words.

Not only a sign, ASL is also based on gestures and facial expressions. For example, lowering eyebrows indicates a who, what, where, when, or why question, while raising eyebrows indicates a yes or no question.

In the post, which has more than 13,000 upvotes, she explained: "I'm by no means fluent but I took beginner classes in University (I study a people-facing field and figured it would be helpful). I can get by, I know basic conversational signs and things like how to get around places, locations, etc. It's enough to be helpful but not maintain fluent conversation."

Since sharing the post, u/wandering_witch_123, who wished to remain anonymous, told Newsweek: "It definitely has and opened my eyes a lot."

But tension had occurred between the couple when they were at a train station recently. "I had gone to the restroom while my boyfriend waited outside. Before I had gone in, I noticed an elderly couple looking at a map and signing. I didn't think much of it but when I came back out I could see my boyfriend trying to help them," she wrote.

The lost and flustered couple were struggling to understand as the boyfriend was not familiar with ASL. When she noticed what was happening, the woman walked up and started signing to let them know she could help.

"They looked relieved and I helped them find their correct route and where they needed to go," she explained. "After the couple walked away my boyfriend got mad and said I embarrassed him by not telling him I know ASL and interfering when he had it handled."

After her boyfriend expressed his upset, the woman was confused and explained: "I told him knowing ASL wasn't a secret, it just never came up—and it wasn't handled as I could tell he was getting annoyed and the couple was flustered. He says I embarrassed him and showed him up. Am I the a**hole?"

In hundreds of comments, the internet overwhelmingly slammed the boyfriend's reaction. One comment that had more than 14,000 upvotes said: "The proper reaction is, 'no way, that's cool.' Red flag on your boyfriend's 'you're interfering' reaction."

"What kind of reaction is that?" said another reply. "If my girlfriend knew ASL and I didn't know, I'd be super impressed and intrigued."

In a later update, the poster explained that the couple have been together for just over six months and this was the first time he had acted like this.

"Is your boyfriend often angry that you have skills he doesn't, or is this a one-off?" asked one user.

Another commenter wrote: "This level of insecurity is baffling."

In a later update, the upset girlfriend clarified: "I know this may not be a red flag or worthy of breaking up over to some, but if our conversation makes it clear that he can't separate his problems with his ego and toxic masculinity from me, then I have no interest in being in a relationship where I'm walking around eggshells making sure I don't hurt his ego."