Dad Praised for Telling New Wife She Comes Second to His Daughter: 'Insult'

A father has been supported online after confessing he told his current wife that she will always come second to his daughter, who is her stepchild.

The father took to popular Subreddit "Am I The A**hole" to gain opinions on his dilemma, receiving over 5,000 votes on his post.

In the U.S., more than four in 10 American adults have at least one step-relative in their family, according to Pew Research Center. That doesn't mean being a stepparent is easy, with research even showing a correlation with increased mental health challenges for step-parents. Those balancing difficulties have been clear to see, in the case of this father.

He explained that his daughter, 14, is the child of his previous marriage, which is still an "open wound" for her. Now, he is married to his current wife, Isla, who gets along with his daughter. Together, they go out, cook and watch TV shows.

Despite their budding friendship, the daughter does not view Isla as a mom, he wrote, and the "harsh" parts of parenting are left to the dad by his choice.

"So the other day, my daughter came to me saying she wanted to go to her mothers, I asked why she did because she looked upset. She said to ask my wife. I called her mom and she said she'd pick her up but hasn't heard any issues from my daughter," he wrote in the post.

"My daughter's birthday is coming up, we are doing a quince [15th birthday party] for her. She's very excited. So Isla went to my daughter, saying that she wanted to have a quince 'just with us' meaning without her mother or her family."

According to the dad, when his daughter said she wanted her mom there, Isla continued to force it as a them-only event. After the daughter asked why her mom was being left out of an important event, Isla dubbed her "bratty" and told her "if she wants her mom so bad she should go there."

The father stepped in and told Isla that "she's never welcome to insult my daughter because of her issues" and that "she's not my kid's mother, and the more she tried to replace her, the more my daughter will resent her."

"Her argument was that she wanted to be noticed by my daughter and why I care so little about her feelings. I told her my daughter notices her, they go out on 'girls days' weekly, they go out, watch movies together etc, my daughter has been plenty inviting to her. Frankly I'm surprised at how well she's opened up to her but now she will have to earn her trust back," explained the father.

"She again asked why I keep 'taking my daughters side and not meeting her in the middle' I told her she's wrong here, simple as that, I could have if she didn't do it like this, I told her that if she expects me to turn on my daughter she's out of her mind and my daughter comes first in any situation.

"She started crying and accusing me and saying she's in 'second place' to which I confirmed. I would never want her to put me over a kid, she left and now isn't speaking to me."

Reddit users were left unanimously agreeing with the father and his decision to take his daughter's side, defending her against his wife.

"Sticking up for your kid was the best thing you could have done in that situation. You're doing your job as a parent by protecting your kid and putting them first. If you weren't nasty about it and you weren't degrading to your wife, then the message was correct. The child SHOULD come first in a relationship such as this," wrote one user, before focusing on helping the wife too. Their comment gained over 7,000 votes.

"However, you now need to do your job as a husband and get to the bottom of your wife's feelings and motives. It seems like she views your daughter's mother as competition, which is not uncommon in stepparents, but is still a bad situation to allow to continue.

"The bottom line is that your wife needs to stop trying to exclude your daughter's mother, and needs to form her own connection with her instead. She's basically trying to replace your ex wife in your daughter's life, and is using guilt tripping and gaslighting tactics to do so against both your daughter and YOU. You need to set boundaries, go over everyone's concerns and feelings, and get things sorted so your household doesn't become a toxic hellhole."

"Your daughter is 14 years old and is showing more maturity for her age. Be proud you helped raise such an accepting daughter. She's behaved with grace throughout all of this," agreed another user.

Another noted: "You're a good parent. Since you haven't mentioned it, I'm guessing Isla doesn't have any children of her own, because she doesn't seem to understand what it means to be a parent. Of course the kids come first."

Newsweek contacted the Reddit user but was unable to verify the details of the case.