Dad Who Kept His Affair Secret for 11 Years Slammed: "Take Responsibility"

The internet has slammed a man who hid his affair from his ex-wife for over 11 years, which she only recently found out about six years after their amicable divorce.

In a post shared on Mumsnet on Tuesday, the woman, under the username PaganQueen, explained that her, "massively cheating, lying, sly, unkind, manipulative pathetic excuse for a husband," to whom she was married for 15 years, cheated on her for a large part of their marriage with his current partner.

She made the unwelcome discovery through a friend she met after the divorce, who used to work in a pub where PaganQueen's husband used to meet his lover.

"Our marriage broke down and we separated and divorced amicably in 2016," she said. "For the last six years, we have been on great terms, which has been brilliant for our three [children]. I still held him in high regard because he's the kids' dad, and I also got on well with his new partner. I don't know what to do with this new knowledge."

According to Memphis divorce lawyers Miles Mason family law group, in 2022, the divorce rate is expected to be at least 44.2 percent, based on a marriage rate of 6.1 people per 1,000 of the total population and a divorce rate of 2.7 people per 1,000 of the total population. It means that, for every 6.1 people who get married, 2.7 will be divorced.

The poster added that since making the discovery, the narrative of her life for the last 17 years has all of a sudden changed, and she feels like her ex-husband—who she described as calculating and "Machiavellian in his ways"—and his new partner, have been making a fool of her for all this time.

She said: "He and his girlfriend must have been feeling so smug that I didn't make life difficult for them because they did such a good job in keeping it quiet, and he must be absolutely over the moon with himself that he kept the earlier affair/s secret enough to not ever have to take responsibility."

Jamie Schenk DeWitt is a Los Angeles-based licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She told Newsweek that in a situation like this, its best to embrace anger and find safe outlets for it, like speaking with a therapist, friends or other support networks that feel secure; as well as journaling, meditating and any other forms of self-care to help the healing process.

"When harnessed in a healthy and productive manner, your anger tells you to pay attention because you matter," she said. "It signals that you feel violated and that you deserve better. When anger is not used in a useful and effective way it can turn aggressive and potentially destructive, and I am not advocating for that, I want you to listen to it and let yourself grieve and heal.

"The five emotions of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Open yourself up to all five and before you know it you will experience relief from the anger and pain that your ex-husband's infidelity has caused."

Most of the users who commented on the post had comforting words for the woman, while others shared their experiences with cheating partners.

One user, dontputitthere said: "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say but didn't want to read and run. That sounds shattering. And just so sly and sneaky. It must change everything about how you view him and your life together. How did you find out? Do the kids know? I presume they're a lot older now too. Feel free to rant away here."

And Aworldofmyown said: "How much do you have to do with him? If it's purely kid-related I would just disengage. This must be really upsetting but remember you've escaped him and you don't have to tolerate him at all."

Another user, AmandaHoldensLips, wrote: "I had this. It made me feel like a complete fool. The thing that made me really angry was that I had worked so hard at 'trying to make it work' whereas had I known he was s******* around I would have divorced him a lot sooner. So sorry you are in this position. It's really upsetting."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.