I Was Drinking Bottles of Wine and Whiskey After Work

My freshman year of college marked my introduction to alcohol. I remember my first drink—a good old fashioned beer at a bar—what most might call a safe entry into the social practice as an eighteen-year-old.

I am an Irish-American, and was raised as such, so I was no stranger to drinking, but growing up through high school I never indulged in drugs or alcohol of any kind.

Over time, I found myself entrenched in a circle of heavy drinkers. I got a job as a bartender. It seemed whether intentionally or unintentionally, that I was fully immersed in the drinking scene.

What started out as a social behavior really became a coping mechanism at a time when I was full of creative ideas and inspiration, but was struggling to put the pen to the paper.

Fast forward to my late 20s, and the brutality of the hangovers was becoming too much to bear. But as a young professional in the financial industry, drinking felt like an obligation in order to keep up and fit in.

This was the first time since college that I started to flirt with the idea of eliminating alcohol from my life, but it felt like an impossible task. I wasn't sure where to begin, and even more so, I was worried how that decision would be perceived by my peers.

What intensified this internal conflict was the frustrating feeling that no one—peers, colleagues, family—could see my potential or true capabilities. No one except the alcohol.

When I drank, I felt confident and secure, which allowed the pattern to persist, and prevented me from facing the core problem I was facing at the time. I was completely void of purpose and confidence and, as a result, wasn't making the progress in my career that I craved.

Without any knowledge of how to break the cycle, I fell deeper and deeper into the bottle. At the height of it, there were days I would drink a bottle of whiskey and multiple bottles of wine after work. Every social outing involved excessive drinking.

In 2015, I launched my own business, an executive development firm offering individual and team coaching and consultations. I had spent about 20 years in the corporate world, repeatedly running into obstacles that felt largely avoidable, solely due to ineffective and inefficient leadership and operations.

Oddly enough, this new chapter of independent entrepreneurship created even more opportunities to drink. I was adjusting to the flexibility of working from home, and indulging in regular late outings with clients. Waking up with a hangover became a regular part of this cycle from which I couldn't break free.

It goes without saying that my productivity plummeted, nearly incapable of accomplishing anything that was truly beneficial to the business. Sure, I had clients who were paying for my time, but I knew I wasn't giving this new venture all that I had. And that bled into other areas of my life.

I had a vision of how I wanted things to be—business, relationships, my own personal health, but I was falling short, and the internal dissatisfaction that comes with that feeling is crippling.

I have vivid memories of my wife telling me how I embarrassed her at social gatherings when I drank a lot—that was a breaking point, having the realization that the most meaningful relationships in my life were starting to suffer.

It was just before my 40th birthday when the conflict, stress, and impact of the past couple of decades reached a pinnacle. I remember the morning I woke up and decided I had to quit drinking for good.

Ultimately it came down to wanting to be better for my family. Our daughter was two at the time, and I knew I needed to do right by her.

At this point, I had expressed a desire to quit countless times, but had never successfully committed to it. When push came to shove and the weekend rolled around, I'd say, "Well, I'll start next week," and always found a reason to stay comfortable in what had become my unfortunate comfort zone.

This time was different. I came home one night and approached my wife with an incredibly impossible request that so many of us fear.

"I need your help," I told her. "I really need to quit drinking."

I knew amidst it all that I didn't want to disappoint her. There are very few people who can hold me accountable, as I have a tendency to be hostile to authority, but she is the ultimate exception to this rule. I cared so much for her and our family, and knew this was the motivation I needed to right the ship.

Her support was unwavering. I was hesitant to jump into an Alcoholics Anonymous group, even at her suggestion, but assured her that if I failed to quit on my own, I would seek out and participate in a recovery program.

I understand many struggle their entire lives with addiction, and I think on some level I feared this would be a much bigger mountain to climb if that were the case for me.

But what I eventually discovered was that I didn't actually want to drink, and it wasn't a matter of addiction. It took a lot of soul-searching and honest introspection to realize that I had a deeper desire to smoke cigarettes, which was a much less acceptable habit, so my drinking spurred as a distraction from that yearning.

As relieved as I was to realize that I didn't really want to drink, my mind refused to rest, dizzy with thoughts and fears of what others would think of my decision and what my life would look like without alcohol.

How would I tell my friends, and how would our relationships change as a result? I'd find other justifications for the change in behavior, going out of my way to tell people in my life that I was training for an Ironman so I needed to cut back on drinking. What a humbling and eye-opening experience it was to find that no one gave any of it much thought.

The truth is, knowing how little anyone cared made the whole process that much easier for me. But it wasn't just indifference, people were incredibly accommodating and supportive of my decision.

While it sounds cliche, it took me 40 years to appreciate the fact that I get to choose the way I spend my time and how I live my life, and while I'm fortunate to have had an incredible support system, the power was in my hands all along.

After roughly six months of an alcohol-free existence, my business tripled. It was astonishing to see just how much drinking was interfering with my productivity, my focus, and my interpersonal relationships.

It may sound obvious to many, but what I couldn't see through the drinking was how much it caused me to procrastinate and get caught up in distractions. As long as I was drinking, no matter how simple, there were certain things I would never discover, realize, or even be able to change.

Today I have a diverse portfolio of clients, everything from construction companies to healthcare firms. I have international clients and partnerships that provide travel opportunities to places like Switzerland and Ireland. Holistically, my work is so much more interesting, challenging, and fulfilling, all due to my current ability to be more present in the moment and ambitious in my pursuits.

The positive impact spans far beyond business. Despite being a self-proclaimed introvert, eliminating alcohol opened a door to more meaningful conversations and social comfort. I had a genuine desire to help people solve their own challenges, and with that being the case, I had to hold myself to a standard and lead by example, especially from a leadership and development perspective.

I'm in such a better position to interact with individuals in a safe and empowering way without a morsel of judgment—towards them or myself. Everyone has something challenging in their life that warrants a friendly ear for reassurance. I would say 10 percent of my clients have empathized with the desire to quit drinking, and many have taken steps to do so as a result of our authentic conversations.

In no way do I set out to preach or guilt anyone into a lifestyle that doesn't serve them, I simply shed light on what's possible with a little focus and intention.

I alone am responsible for the decisions I make. I alone am responsible for chasing success in spite of any obstacles that may surface. There are plenty of people who choose to drink without negative impacts on their lives, but that just isn't my story.

At the end of the day, we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror and take ownership of our choices, realizing that the meaning and experiences we seek in life are entirely our own to chase and achieve.

Jim Frawley is an expert in change management and organizational development, and the founder of the Bellwether Method. Jim is a renowned keynote speaker, the host of Jim's Take the podcast, a big-time reader, small-time triathlete, and full-time father and husband.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's associate editor, Carine Harb.

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