Father-in-Law Blasted for Saying Son Works Harder Than Stay-at-Home Mom

The internet has backed a woman after her father-in-law made light of her role as a stay-at-home mother, saying that her husband works much harder than she does.

In a post shared on Mumsnet earlier in January, under the username Relevancyiskey, the woman explained that recently her father-in-law has started making comments about how her husband needs to find more time for himself and she should "let him."

She said: "Keep in mind I'm a [stay-at-home-mom] and also rarely get time for myself as we have a baby and toddler."

According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, about 7 percent of dads and 28 percent of moms stay at home full time. Their study also shows that 63 percent of dads feel like they spend too little time with their kids, and the same goes for 35 percent of moms.

Additionally, only 4 percent of households with children 18 or under are led by single dads, while 22 percent are led by single moms.

The poster revealed that during a family dinner out, while her husband was complimenting her on her hard work at home, since she's been struggling recently, her father-in-law started talking about how going out to work is harder than staying at home, which the poster says isn't true.

She wrote: "In the same sentence [my father-in-law] started talking about how all through [my husband] and [my brother-in-law's] childhood he would go running for 2-3 hours every evening. He said and I quote 'He still needs to do things for himself' yeah not 15-20 hours a week..."

"We went on a holiday entirely dedicated to [my husband's] hobby (snowboarding) only a month ago where he got to snowboard all week and I looked after the children. [My father-in-law's] comment 'I was glad you finally got to go, you deserved a break where you didn't have to think about the children."

These comments upset the poster, who asked the Mumsnet community: "Do I just have to suck this up? Is this a common trait in 60-year-old men?"

Life coach Marni Goldman told Newsweek that if ever the saying "mind your own business" was applicable, it would be now.

'Display of Pure Ignorance'

She said: "There are so many disturbing scenarios here. I don't know what decade or year your father-in-law is living in, but his comments are a perfect display of pure ignorance. Everyone knows being a mother is a full-time job. You might not be able to change him, however, you will change by taking your power back. It's time to start demanding the respect you deserve.

"You could start off by telling him you will no longer be the recipient of his constant put downs and nit picking (sounds like he is projecting his own inner, unhealed, angry self, onto you). You should never tolerate that from anyone. Sometimes we become emotional masochists and allow people to disrupt our inner peace to keep the peace."

Goldman also questioned the role of the husband, and why he is allowing his father to speak to his wife this way.

She said: "In order to create and maintain a healthy relationship, you need compassion, compromise, and communication. Your marriage, unfortunately, is lacking all three (working on your marriage is a completely different discussion ). Of course, you can start off by letting him know this is none of his business, and his words were beyond dismissive and out of line.

"Getting things off our chest and clearing the air is always beneficial. You are doing it for you, and inner happiness. Even if there is no resolution, you no longer have to walk around internalizing the inner anger you feel."

According to Goldman, her children need to see a happy mom, so removing herself from this uncomfortable situation is the best thing she can do for them.

Most of the users who commented on the thread agreed the mom wasn't being unreasonable, with over 94 percent of votes saying the father-in-law was in the wrong.

One user, UWhatNow, commented: "No. I would call him out for the misogynist old p**** that he is. Men like this are insufferable." And EL8888 said: "Oh god. Ex [mother-in-law] thought my then-husband led a harsh and oppressed life. In reality he was a lazy p**** and l challenged him about it. Which obviously he didn't like and neither did she."

GimmeBiscuits wrote: "My [father-in-law] is approaching 90 and doesn't come out with s*** like this.

And Canabelievethis said: "Tell [father-in-law] you need a break too and when can you drop his grandchildren off so he can take care of them. This man is totally ignorant and needs educating. I suspect he is feeling secretly guilty he was obviously such a crap father himself and his son is showing him up."

Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of the case.