A Reddit post about a broken engagement has gone viral and sparked discussion about dishonesty in relationships.
The post on the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit explained a situation in which the original poster, u/Weak-Conference-4344, broke off her engagement because her fiancé lied to her about not wanting children. Since posting less than 24 hours ago, the post has received 5,500 upvotes and over 2,000 comments.
The OP explained that shortly after getting engaged one year ago, she and her now ex-fiancé discussed having children and had apparently both decided they did not want them.
Three weeks ago, she said she discovered her ex was lying to her.
"We were eating dinner and he told me that he 'changed his mind' about having kids and that he wants kids now," she said. "I thought he was joking so I brushed it off, he got upset at this and walked away...He said that he would never joke about something like that."
He eventually admitted that he lied to her after getting engaged because he wanted to be with her.
After an argument, the OP left home and has been staying with her aunt since. She later told her fiancé she wanted to call off the marriage.
Reddit users raged in the comments, calling her ex's behavior manipulative and telling her—sometimes from a place of experience—that she narrowly dodged a bullet.
"The only good part about this is that he outed himself before the wedding...[makes] me wonder not only what kind of controlling/manipulative tactics he planned to use to push you to have kids (or possible attempts to baby trap you), but also what else he may have lied about," u/Kitchen_Victory_7964 wrote.
"I had the same thing happen, except my ex changed his mind six months after the wedding. We were divorced before our 1-year anniversary because that is an absolute deal breaker for me," u/blogkitten said. "First date he knew I never wanted kids, but he thought I'd change my mind. Nope."
The OP explained her reasoning for not wanting children in the post.
"My mom didn't want kids, that's why I was the only one, I was the trial run," she said. "I would NEVER want to make anyone feel as unloved and left out as I did as a child. My ex knew this, I told him that many times."
Domenique Harrison MPH, LMFT, LPCC, told Newsweek she understands why the OP would call off the marriage.
"It's completely valid for her to feel confused and frustrated with her former partner. It can be a form of betrayal to believe that you and your partner agreed not to have children, only to find out that he was lying all along," she said.
"Whether he believed he was okay not having children and changed his mind while in the relationship or started the relationship knowing he wanted children, it's significant that he kept his truth to himself and made his partner believe they were on the same page."
Harrison advised couples to prioritize open and consistent communication to avoid situations like this, though sometimes difficult.
"Fear often prevents us from expressing our needs, thoughts, and desires," she said. "Changing our minds about wanting or not wanting children does not mean that we were lying before. But it does require us to have a conversation with our partner about what happens next, especially since this decision can significantly impact the dynamics of the relationship."
As for the OP, her desires and communication are clear.
"My ex keeps calling me trying to make me feel guilty but I won't let him," she wrote, concluding her post. "I know what I want."
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
