Finding Freedom: How To Move From Obligations to Options

Have you ever carried something old to a new place?

Maybe you just got a promotion, but you're still carrying the old story, "What if they find out I don't know what I'm doing?" Or maybe you started a new job, but you're still obsessing over, "What if this ends like the last one?"

Maybe you just moved to a new house or apartment or office. And took that old furniture with you. The free couch you found on the curb. Under the cover of night. With a hide-a-bed. And mauve flowers.

Just like that heavy, outdated couch, we often carry old formulas for success to new places. And because of it, each step forward become more treacherous. How long are you willing to carry heavy, old baggage to avoid confronting reality? Why aren't you willing to leave it behind? To stop finding space for something that no longer fits? To make room for something new? Not easy questions.

We all label ourselves. Are you the overachiever? The introvert? The fixer? The peacemaker? Are those labels moving you toward your ideal life? Helping you get there faster? Or holding you in place?

Because here's the harsh reality I've encountered. (And you will, too.) You can't take old labels with you to new places and expect to get different results. You might be thinking, "The process of releasing old labels sounds painful! Why would I want to try when I'm comfortable right now?"

I'll tell you why: The breakdown must come before the breakthrough. Because what happens on the inside eventually shows up on the outside. This is a lesson I learned the hard way.

In my formative years, I believed the best predictor of success was a high activity level with the occasional addition of "people pleasing." I tested the hypothesis: Activity Level + People Pleasing = Success.

During high school, I repeatedly volunteered at school and in the community and worked two jobs. I got good grades, won awards — even landed college scholarships. As I carried this "formula" forward into college and my adult life, I realized I only knew how to succeed by doing and being "more." More responsibilities. More employees. More community involvement. More gold stars. More pleasing, more performing, more perfecting.

Maybe you've been there, too. Maybe you're there right now.

One day, I hit the wall — with my foot still on the gas pedal. My career success reached a plateau. My health simultaneously hit rock bottom. I realized I couldn't do more. The success formula that delivered results numerous times was no longer sustainable. Or effective. Or enjoyable. If I couldn't keep doing more, what could I do instead? The only reasonable option was "less." But how?

I'm guessing you know how that feels: when what has worked for you in the past is no longer delivering the results you desperately desire — when your formula for personal and professional success stops working — it's exhausting. Frightening. Overwhelming. That's probably why you're here now.

I know how you feel. When you can't achieve the life you envision, and there's not enough time in the day to get it all done, it feels like a prison cell. You're trapped. Boxed in. Limited. Disappointed. Eventually, you might feel hopeless.

The good news is that those feelings don't have to linger! You don't have to be trapped by time. That feeling of "overload" doesn't have to define you or limit you or weigh you down. Just like that old couch.

If you're willing to let go of old ideas and what has made you successful in the past, you, too, can take a new look at old problems. What I discovered when my body broke down was a breakthrough in how I defined success. My new formula for success went from "do more to have more to be more" to:

Pause + Ponder + Prioritize = Success With Less

And a foundational principle to realize this idea of success with less that I've coached thousands of high-impact leaders around the world to embrace is: Divest before you invest.

When you invest in something new, you must divest something else. I'm not talking about divesting from your career and investing in a life of leisure. I'm talking about simple give-and-take decisions that happen in small increments, not radical life-changing decisions. In other words, the kind of decisions you make every day.

When you and I fail to divest before we invest, we buy into the story that success is about more. That story becomes a belief that becomes a behavior. Do any of these sound familiar? "I have to keep all the plates spinning!" "I'm sure I can do it all if I just try a little harder!" "I'm not a quitter!" "Busy people are successful people!" "I'll sleep when I'm dead!"

That's exactly what I had to do. One moment at a time. One commitment at a time. One problem at a time. Until what trapped me in the "overload" gave me the keys to my freedom. And now I'm offering those keys to you.

Are you ready to be set free?