A woman has been almost unanimously voted "unreasonable" for suggesting that "making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time."
In a post on the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) thread on U.K.-based internet forum Mumsnet, user MrsShelby describes how she and her partner moved to a lovely village a few years ago, and tried to make new friends, eventually meeting two women.
"Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company," she explained. "After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt."
She went on to explain that after having a child, she subsequently met three "amazing mummy friends" who "think I am wonderful."
"We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part-time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values," she wrote.
"This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house.
"I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.
"AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?"
Of the 1914 who voted in response, 92 percent found the original poster to be unreasonable.
A 2017 PayPal survey found nearly half of millennial and Gen Z respondents cited money as a big factor in impacting friendships while a survey undertaken by Credit Karma and Qualtrics in 2018 found that almost 40 percent of millennials have spent money they don't have to keep up with friends.
It also found that when a friend suggested doing something they can't afford, 27 percent of millennials felt uncomfortable saying no and out of the 39 percent who have gone into debt to keep up with their friends, 73 percent kept it a secret.
In 2021, Insider found that people would rather talk about politics, current affairs or relationships before talking about money with friends.
Newsweek spoke to Lawrence Josephs, a professor of psychology at Adelphi University in Garden City, New York, who said: "Some people might be envious of people who have more than they do so might not be able to deal with being friends with a more affluent person. But I wouldn't overgeneralize to everyone who has less than you. People at your own level can be competitive and people who have more can look down on you.
"A good friend is someone who appreciates you for who you are as a person and not for what you have or don't have. Good friends like that are hard to come by and when you find someone like that I wouldn't judge them for their social class."
The vast majority of Mumsnet users were disparaging about the original poster (OP)'s remarks.
"Do you think it could be because you're unbearably smug?" asked user OttilieKnackered.
User wibblewobbleboard stated: "I am friends with all kinds of people. From millionaires to dirt poor. It's the people I'm friends with. Not their money."
"Can't think why they ditched you, it's a mystery" mused Threadkillacilla.
Newsweek has reached out to u/MrsShelby for comment.
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Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Leonie Helm is a Newsweek Life Reporter and is based in London, UK. Her focus is reporting on all things ... Read more
