Fury Over Man's Response to Wife Refusing To Take Contraception: 'Selfish'

A woman has been supported on social media after sharing that her husband has shamed her for not wanting to take the pill.

She explained in a viral Mumsnet post that her husband refuses to use condoms, but she suffers severe side effects from hormonal contraceptives. He has asked her to go back on birth control pills so they can resume their sex life.

Between 2017 and 2019, 65.3 percent of women in the U.S. aged 15-49 were using contraception, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The pill was one of the most popular methods.

The Mumsnet poster explained that she and her husband "have one child together."

She went on: "We have decided to not have anymore. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings. Since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything."

The woman had tried the implant and the depo injection, but suffered excessive bleeding and other complications. "It was absolutely horrible," she said.

"I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again. I also cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realized just how bad it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives."

Her husband objected, however, and the couple argued.

He "is now flat out refusing to do anything other than have me taking the pill again," she said. "He won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and he won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits'. All I have to do is take a pill."

The woman asked him why she should "place hormones in her body every day that she doesn't want just so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes"—but was not impressed with the answer.

"His reaction is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to [care] about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all."

She ended her post by sharing that her husband is refusing to have sex with her until she goes back on some form of contraception—and asked Mumsnet readers if it was unreasonable to think he was being "staggeringly selfish."

What Do the Comments Say?

More than 400 enraged Mumsnet users have commented on the post since it was shared on April 19. One asked: "Is he like this with other things too?"

To which another chimed in: "Like we don't know the answer."

Many commenters agreed that the husband was being selfish, with one adding: "I'd happily just not have sex with him. It's his choice if he wants to change that situation."

How To Cope With an Emotionally Abusive Partner

Although the label "emotionally abusive" hasn't been applied to the man in the Mumsnet post, he is displaying some difficult and unhealthy behaviors.

Alena Scigliano, a licensed psychotherapist in Virginia, shared some general advice on how people can handle partners who don't consider their feelings.

"The best way to deal with an emotionally abusive family member is by setting very strong boundaries, communicating those boundaries and enforcing those boundaries," she told Newsweek.

"When someone doesn't respect the boundaries you set, explain the consequence of not respecting the boundary, and then always follow through on that chosen consequence."

Not doing this indirectly communicates to a partner that you will allow boundary violations, added Scigliano, who has an expertise in narcissistic abuse. "When all else fails, set up airtight internal boundaries that will help you to not be emotionally impacted each time something has triggered you."

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.