The internet has sided with a pregnant woman who revealed her family and friend's reaction to her third child's gender reveal has left her "very, very sad."
The woman, posting under the username Lalallals248, explained on Mumsnet earlier this month that after discovering her child is going to be a boy, her family and friends have had "nothing but negative comments and outpourings of sympathy" for her, because now she will have three sons and no daughter.
Many parents try to have both girls and boys but it doesn't always happen. According to World Population Review, the American male-to-female ratio is about even, although population trends show that there are more women than men. They estimate that the current ratio is 97 males for every 100 females, and women outnumber men in all but ten states.
Even though the poster admitted her preference for a girl, after experiencing multiple miscarriages her main priority was to have a healthy pregnancy that survived the first trimester. But her friends and family didn't see it this way, and all felt compelled to express their sorrow.
"Some comments I've received so far: 'Ouch, three boys? I don't envy you there;' 'Oh, another boy? I don't know whether to congratulate you or just say sorry!' and 'Aww, sons are temporary family members—remember: a son's a son til' he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for life,'" she wrote.
Some other people even went as far as to say: "'Aww, maybe you just can't carry girls - look at all those you lost," the poster wrote, adding that "Aww, it's not your fault, you couldn't choose. It'll be okay when he's here," is the nicest comment she's received so far.
Soula Hareas, a licensed mental health counselor at McNulty Counselling and Wellness, told Newsweek that the Mumsnet poster needs to realize that the people who make these types of comments would say these to anyone, not just her.
"Many pregnant clients have told me they wish pregnancy was not so physically obvious because of the insensitive comments they get from everyone from family, friends, and strangers," Hareas said. "It feels so overwhelming because it's happening over and over again but these people that make comments like this have an opinion about everything and have probably said these rude comments to many pregnant women over the years.
"They are also the ones who have upset people at Christmas dinner because they aren't married yet or finished with university yet and are the ones people dread seeing at family gatherings. They aren't going to change now because she is pregnant and likely never will," she said.
According to Hareas, this is the beginning for many adult children to start creating boundaries because something changes when an adult who has been bullied by their family has a child.
"They don't want their child to go through the same thing so they finally stick up for themselves but it's an uncomfortable feeling to feel attacked yet again for something you are so excited about," she said.
Hareas suggests the poster needs to figure out an appropriate reply to these insensitive comments that make her feel comfortable and have this be her standard answer so her anxiety doesn't increase.
"It could be something sincere like 'all children are a blessing to have' or something funny like, 'yes, we are so excited that we have enough for a boy band singing group like (and name a group like One Direction, Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, BTS) and now can retire,'" Hareas said, adding that sometimes because of pregnancy hormones women can be sensitive to any comment they deem as negative even if it is not meant to be negative.
Most of the 115 users who left comments in the Mumsnet thread slammed the friends' and family's reaction to the news, calling them out for their "truly awful comments."
One user, Ocrumbs, commented: "Who are all these people I couldn't imagine anyone I know saying any of this."
Krakinou said: "People are w******. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm sure your son will be absolutely lovely with his own unique and wonderful personality."
Highfivemum wrote: "Truly awful comments from so-called friends. Huge congrats on your little bundle, healthy baby is all we ever wish for. Ignore and enjoy your own little family."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Maria Azzurra Volpe is a Newsweek Lifestyle Reporter based in London. Her focus is reporting on lifestyle and trends-related stories, ... Read more
