I Had Three Miscarriages, Then Became a Surrogate to Seven Babies

In 2008, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was able to successfully have my daughter after my next pregnancy in 2011, which will always be my most special and favorite pregnancy.

Not only was I able to deliver her on my own—totally Kourtney Kardashian style—but it was also the day I became a mother for the first time.

Unfortunately, soon thereafter, as my husband and I tried for another child, we miscarried again in early 2012. The next pregnancy resulted in my son Jack in 2013.

But when I got pregnant again a mere three months after Jack was born, pure terror and fear succumbed me. I thought: I am stuck in this god-awful pattern of baby, miscarriage, baby, miscarriage. I didn't know if I even wanted to get pregnant again.

Throughout this time, I became very close with a cousin of ours who struggled with infertility. She and her husband were the sweetest, most caring, and loving people you could meet. They had a perfect marriage, but it lacked one thing: A child to share their love with, a family of their own.

My cousin was able to become pregnant, she just couldn't sustain a pregnancy. She suffered loss after loss after loss. It was heartbreaking. She was so deserving. How is it fair that my amazing cousin couldn't have a baby if she wanted to?

I shared her grief in having suffered losses myself and I thought to myself, there are probably so many other people out there in the world who are also struggling to build a family.

These reasons alone led me to explore surrogacy. I did months and months of research to educate myself on the process, legality, finances, procedures, and terms associated.

I knew there were people all over the world who were facing fertility issues and could use my help, but would I even qualify? Would having miscarriages myself allow me to move forward in the process?

After lots of time researching, discussing with my husband, and completing my own family in 2014, that same year I decided to pursue becoming a Gestational Carrier. A gestational carrier is different than a traditional carrier and you'll hear the terms GC and GS associated.

A gestational carrier/surrogate is a woman who carries an embryo for another person/couple. This person or couple must create their embryo(s) first using their eggs and sperm or donor material, and then the surrogate carries. This differs from a traditional surrogate who would use her own eggs, making her the biological mother.

After all the research, I understood the commitment, the process, and the risk, but I am also the kind of person who would give the shirt off my back to a complete stranger.

But I wasn't just giving a shirt, I was giving my life, my body, my time, and my title of wife and mom. Why, you ask? Because somewhere out in the world another family or another couple deserves to be just as happy as I am with my family.

A man and/or woman deserves to be called mommy and daddy if they wish. They deserve to experience firsts. They deserve to grow and mold the minds of their little human to be this world's next leader. For so many reasons, I chose to be a surrogate to make others happy and experience the fulfillment my children give me.

My first journey started with a couple I met in an online fertility community from Cleveland, OH. I had the privilege of giving them their third child, a little girl in 2015, so they could complete their family.

In my opinion, a surrogate's role is to start, build, or complete a family. The intended mother on my first journey had an emergency hysterectomy after having her second child and could no longer carry but knew she and her partner wanted a third child. I was able to fulfil that role for them.

The pregnancy and delivery went beautifully and after having experienced my first, I was overwhelmed with emotion of just how amazing and rewarding this process was. To be able to hand someone their child for the very first time after so much heartbreak was one of the proudest moments of my life.

After a recovery period and clearance from my OBGYN, I knew I wanted to help again. While the first family was now complete, I matched with a different family, this time from Michigan, found on the same online forum and we started on the next journey.

This family had not yet had any children and was super excited to experience all the firsts with me as we embarked on this pregnancy together.

The intended mother was heavily involved in attending appointments and ultrasounds, and I did my best to make her feel as if this was just as much her pregnancy by sending bumpdates—bump updates—recordings of the baby's heartbeat, cravings, symptoms and side effects, and all things related.

We became the closest of friends—and surrogacy journeys don't always form this way—so I was very lucky to have matched with them. I delivered boy and girl twins for this family in 2017, and all went wonderfully.

Altogether, I have delivered, seven surrogate babies—two sets of twins and three singleton pregnancies.

Never once did I feel pressured into doing anything I didn't want to do. Never once did I have to make a decision about my body that I did not want to make. That's also the reason for having contracts in place.

When matching with a couple as a surrogate, if you are not on the same page as your intended parents—break the match. It's that simple and that hard all in one sentence. You need to be on the same page, so issues don't arise down the road.

I do what I do because I truly feel if I can help someone, it's my duty to do so. I wish I could carry for everyone, but unfortunately, that's simply not the case, which is why I have dedicated my career to helping others match and facilitate their journeys so they too can have a family.

In late 2022, the agency I co-founded, Carrying Dreams, Inc. was born—pun intended—and is a full-service surrogacy and egg donation agency working with U.S. surrogates and intended parents across the world, starting, building, and completing families.

Surrogacy is something near and dear to my heart. Throughout the years, I've established my whole career around helping others build their families. I enjoy being pregnant, luckily. Not everyone does.

I want others to know that, as scary and overwhelming as it may seem, there's hope and possibility and by sharing my story, I hope to give just that.

Emily Westerfield is a Gestational Surrogate and co-founder of Carrying Dreams, Inc. Emily is also a Mother of 3 who believes everyone who wishes to be a parent should be able to, and that it is her purpose to help those she can achieve this dream.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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