I Was Sober for 10 Years—But a Psychedelic Medicine Changed My Life

When an old friend invited me to an iboga ceremony, I hesitated. I feared taking the psychoactive substance might threaten the sobriety I had worked so hard to protect.

I was 10 years clean from all substances; what if my piqued curiosity was simply drug-seeking behavior?

The plant-based medicine is largely illegal in the United States—except for a few cities where it has been decriminalized—and in the United Kingdom, but is legal in Mexico, Costa Rica, Canada, Brazil and many other countries across the globe.

Consumed by the Bwiti tribe of Gabon in central Africa, they believe that the medicine is of divine origin, and opens a pathway to connect with one's "Mboumba Eyano," or soul.

The medicine is derived from scraping the membrane off the roots of the iboga tree, which is then dried and ground into a coffee-like substance and taken as part of a ceremony, usually paying heed to those of the Bwiti tribe.

It's said to work both on the physical self—realigning parts of the physical infrastructure of the body—as well as the psychological, by helping to heal emotional trauma and let go of old, harmful beliefs. The goal is a reversion to a more primitive expression of human consciousness that is based in self-love, clarity, and optimism.

After conferring with my trusted colleagues in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and researching the medicine, I decided that the journey could actually strengthen my sobriety through a deeper understanding of myself. And I was right.

After taking the medicine I laid back on my mat with my blindfold covering my eyes. An hour after it was consumed, the medicine began to take effect.

For many, this is a psychoactive experience that is visual in nature. But taking iboga is nothing like taking mushrooms with friends and wandering around the forest talking to trees. It is far more personal and internal.

I began to see images of my childhood—specifically the times I felt neglected by my parents, abandoned, confused, insecure, and in emotional pain. The medicine guided me through these images.

I felt I was in the presence of an intelligence far greater than my own. I witnessed the child of my past begin to heal, letting go of negative and harmful beliefs. I felt the emotional trauma of my upbringing leaving my body, perhaps for the first time.

It felt as though a portal had opened up and all of my self-judgment, insecurity and confusion went through it. The deliberate and intelligent energy of the plant medicine realigned me in a way I never knew possible.

Throughout the journey, I visited many different stages of my life, and in each one, profound healing took place. In a matter of a few hours, peace had been restored in my psyche. I felt light, playful and whole, as if I was a child again, unencumbered by the traumas of human experience.

The iboga I took in 2015 did in an evening what years of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), somatic healing work, holotropic breathwork and meditation could not. I thought I had tried everything to excavate my emotional traumas, but the iboga went deeper into the crevasses of my psyche and healed the wounds that I had nursed for so long.

I emerged from the experience as my authentic self, my actualized self, my best self. There is no other way to describe it.

After my overwhelmingly positive experience, I encouraged a patient of mine to consider iboga. She had been suffering from severe anxiety for over a decade and was on a high dose of Lexapro. She was adamant that if she stopped taking it, she wouldn't be able to function.

Her psychiatrist equated her dependence on Lexapro to that of a diabetic needing insulin to survive. I had a different point of view.

In my eyes, while her anxiety lived inside her body—causing heart palpitations, back pain, aching joints, and a nervous stomach—it also lived in her thoughts, clouding her mind with negativity, judgment and worry.

It seemed to me that the Lexapro wasn't working anymore, as she felt hopelessly doomed to a state of perpetual fear and agitation. After taking four spoonfuls of iboga during a ceremony in Costa Rica, her anxiety went away—completely—and she never took Lexapro again. This was six years ago.

I have worked with several patients who have taken iboga in ceremony to treat anxiety, depression and trauma. Their journeys were similar to mine. The symptoms that had plagued them for a lifetime eased or disappeared.

I cannot tell you that iboga will be right for you; I can only share my experience of profound healing and those of my patients. In my opinion, it is the most effective way to treat the underlying causes of many of our psychological problems and symptoms.

It is strongly suggested that you are off all medications for a week before the ceremony, so if you are considering taking iboga and are currently on any kind of pharmaceutical medication, follow the instructions of your psychiatrist or doctor when detoxing from your prescriptions.

Iboga significantly increases the heart rate during the experience, some retreats require a recent EKG (electrocardiogram), so if you have heart trouble I would recommend seeking guidance from your physician as well.

I believe we'll hear more about this medicine in the next few decades, as federal regulators pave the way for drug trials of psychedelics as behavioral mental health treatments.

It is my belief that iboga will be legalized in the United States eventually. Until then, you must seek it elsewhere, and I encourage you to consider it as an alternative to more traditional healing methods.

Let the journey begin.

Dr. Carder Stout is a psychologist with a private practice in west Los Angeles, California. He works with addictions, anxiety, depression, grief and trauma. He is the author of two books, LOST IN GHOST TOWN and WE ARE ALL ADDICTS.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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