I'm 36 and a Mom. An Unexpected Diagnosis Left Me Heartbroken

I have four kids, and I breastfed three out of four of them. In 2009, I felt a little lump on my left side, so I got it checked out, and it turned out to be an average cyst.

The ultrasound tech told me that a lot of sweat production can build like cysts, which made sense as I'm a runner. I run roughly four times a week and I become sweaty. I also have eczema too, so I want to make sure that I clean everything and dry everything appropriately, so my skin doesn't get inflamed.

A few weeks ago, in September 2023, I was washing in the shower and I felt a lump. I frantically called my husband to come in the shower. He felt around and said that he didn't feel anything. So, I forgot about it.

But then two weeks ago, I got back from a workout class, and I was really sweaty. I proceeded to wash myself and that's when I felt it again—a lump right under my breast.

I quickly got an appointment for Monday. The doctor felt my lump and assumed that my prolactin levels were high and that it was probably just a cyst because I am only 36 years old. Breast cancer is not very common in women my age. But to be safe, she ordered me to get a mammogram and an ultrasound.

The doctor found lumps in the ultrasound and ordered me to get a biopsy two days later. The doctors then wanted extra imaging from a mammogram. At that point, I started to get a little nervous because I felt that the doctor knew that something was there but didn't want to assume.

I spent the whole weekend wondering if I had cancer or not. On Monday, I got a call from the doctor confirming that I had breast cancer—a triple negative ductal carcinoma, grade three, which meant that I have more than one tumor. My dominant tumor is in the right breast, but the other ones are forming next to it.

That was such an overwhelming day because the doctor said that I was going to need surgery, chemo, and possibly radiation. She asked me if I wanted to freeze my eggs and I had to decide on the spot.

I've been unsure if I want to have more kids or not, but it felt like the decision had been made for me. That was emotional for me because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do in that department.

My surgeon was straight up with me and said: "You're young, I don't trust your breasts. I think we need to do a double mastectomy." Then, he told me about the third option which would take more work, but I think it's going to be the best fit for me. We're going to do something called skin-sparing bilateral mastectomy.

I had an appointment with my surgeon just yesterday. I'm going to be getting surgery to remove the breast tissue on my right side. But I have a family history of breast cancer.

I've been talking back and forth with my aunt, and I found that my great-grandmother and my great-aunt had breast cancer on my dad's side. My dad's first three cousins had breast cancer and one of the cousins' daughters had breast cancer.

The doctors are going to scoop out all my breast tissue from both sides. They're going to take biopsies of my lymph nodes to make sure that there's nothing in my lymph nodes. If it's in my lymph nodes, there's a greater chance it'll spread to other parts of my body.

Right now, it is localized in the breast, which is the best news. After getting my breast tissue taken out, I will start chemo. Some people choose to have double mastectomies, and they don't even really care.

This has been the most difficult thing to stomach. I can handle getting breast surgery, but it's going to be the chemo that is going to be the most difficult road for me for a number of reasons.

I hate that I even have to mention this, but I am terrified of losing my hair because as a woman, I feel that my hair is like an identity for me. My hair is a big deal for me. To ease myself into this, I'm going with my mom and my brother to a hair salon to get a pixie cut first, to get used to having short hair.

I take antidepressants and it makes it hard for me to cry. I may seem calm and collected, but inside I am heartbroken. I just pray I'm strong enough to be able to handle it all.

My great-aunt died in her thirties back in 1964. My aunt showed me photos of these women and the first thing that I thought was, I want to learn about these women. It felt crazy to me to know that I am in the same shoes as them, but just generations later.

I really want to take the time to investigate my family tree and learn about these women who have passed and the women who are still living.

Right now, I want to keep my life as normal as possible. It's my partner and I's ten-year wedding anniversary and we already have a trip planned, and we're still going to go. My surgeon advised me to have fun because I'm in for a long ride when I come home. So, we're going to go have a great time and spend that time together, which we really need.

I'm trying to not let this become a part of me. My life is never going to be the same again. Even if, God willing, I get to the end of the road and I'm cancer-free, I'm going to have this in the pit of my stomach for the rest of my life.

When I go to scans again, I'll be thinking: Is there going to be cancer somewhere else? Is there a 1 percent chance that cancer will come back in my breast area? Is that possible? I'm going to have that for the rest of my life. And that is a big pill to swallow.

If you're a woman or if you have nieces, daughters, or granddaughters, get them educated on how to properly look for breast cancer. It would be great if schools could start doing this when the girls have their sex education, adding it into part of the talk.

Gina Schweppe is a lifestyle vlogger from California. You can find her channel on YouTube and assist in her cancer recovery journey here.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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