I'm a Death Doula. Phillip Has One Dying Wish

My alarm goes off at 7:00 a.m. I wake up eager to begin my journey from Florida to South Carolina to serve as an end-of-life doula for my dear friend, Phillip, and to support his caregiver, Diane.

As I hit the road, the sun rises, casting a golden hue over the highway. With the windows down, the fresh morning air fills the car, bringing me a sense of calm and purpose. This journey is about providing compassionate care and support to those facing the end of life. Everyone deserves a good death experience, one filled with love, support, and dignity.

Upon calling Diane to let her know I am on my way, she shares that Phillip eagerly anticipates my visit, cherishing our moments of companionship, comfort, and support. Arriving, I find Phillip in his transformed bedroom, now with a hospice bed, but his art supplies and writer's desk remain, a testament to his creative spirit.

Diane, mindful of Phillip's love for art, has placed a beautiful mural on his wall. The morning sunlight streams through the window, illuminating the mural and creating a serene atmosphere as Phillip approaches the sunset of his life.

At 82 years old, Phillip is not only battling esophageal cancer, but he is also facing a touching journey of reflection and legacy.

Despite the challenges, such as being unable to eat solid food due to a tumor obstructing his esophagus, Phillip remains remarkably resilient, relying on a feeding tube. He finds solace in the simple pleasures of life and his artwork. A talented artist and writer, Phillip's creativity continues to shine through his sketches and words.

Diane has been Phillip's primary caregiver, a pillar of strength, honoring a promise she made to his late wife, Gayle Cleigh, Ph.D. Alongside Diane, Miriah, their roommate, provides assistance, forming a compassionate team ensuring Phillip's comfort and well-being.

As an end-of-life doula, I provide an additional layer of holistic care and support, complementing his hospice services, not replacing them. This includes regular visits, emotional, spiritual, and practical support.

I can also provide end-of-life care-related resources such as advance care planning, estate planning, life insurance, funeral planning, obituary writing, and complementary therapies and services such as assistance with legacy projects.

During our visits, we sift through Phillip's collection of artwork and writings, planning and building his legacy. My role as his doula is to be there for him, whether in silence, a peaceful presence, engaging in meaningful discussion, or simply listening to his stories.

I am grateful to be part of Phillip's end-of-life journey and provide him with the comfort, companionship, and support he needs as he navigates his illness and helps preserve his legacy.

Phillip's story is about the legacy he wants to leave, inspiring those around him. He has entrusted Diane and me with sharing his artwork and wisdom with the world. We intend to reassure Phillip that his drawings will soon be featured in children's books, ensuring that his creativity and spirit will live on long after he's gone.

For me, having recently supported Diane as an end-of-life doula through the loss of her son, my dear friend Hans, just two and a half years ago, this is deeply personal. As a friend, it is important for me to travel the distance to provide Phillip and Diane with the care and support they need during this challenging time, as the gift of love knows no limits.

As a professional end-of-life doula, my prior service and experience with the family have only strengthened my connection and commitment to them.

I hope that Phillip's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of art, love, and legacy to transcend time. Phillip's legacy will live on in the hearts of those who knew him and in the art that he created. As his end-of-life doula, I am honored to be alongside him, helping him find peace and comfort as he prepares to transition into the next phase of his journey.

Charon Collier is an End-of-Life Doula, Death Doula, End-of-Life Consultant, author, and founder of The Good Death Experience. Charon offers compassionate end-of-life consulting, doula services, and education, for peaceful and meaningful transitions. She is also the host of a new podcast on YouTube The Good Death Experience with Chara.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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