'I'm a Private Investigator, Here's How Cheaters Give Themselves Away'

In 2007, I was robbed in Oxfordshire at knifepoint. I wasn't frightened or scared; I was, in fact, angry that someone thought they could do that to me. The robber had grabbed one handle of my purse and I had the other. I was shouting at him and pulling my purse towards me. Rather than resisting, I continued to argue with him. That's when he tried to lunge a knife at my stomach; I defended myself by suddenly throwing my purse at him. He then ran away, but I chased him down the road because of how angry I was.

Following that incident, I became interested in the human brain and what motivates people to commit crimes. Before becoming a private investigator, I worked with people who had dementia but my dad passed away in 2013 and I found it too difficult to work with elderly people. So, in 2016 I studied criminal psychology, profiling, and forensic psychology at college.

What it's like to be a private investigator

Most people think that being a private investigator is glamorous but it's nothing like one would see on TV. Sometimes, the role consists of sitting in a car for hours, bursting to go to the bathroom. A lot of time is also spent scrolling through the internet and looking for evidence for a client. But it's also fulfilling because every day is different and every outcome varies, and I think that's what makes being a private investigator rewarding for me.

The common cases that usually surface in my line of work are to do with infidelity, missing people, or being asked to do background checks. The main way that I would typically track someone is by putting a tracker on their car. I don't usually do it myself because I have hired a team to help me, but I also follow people on foot when they aren't traveling by car.

Over the years, I've found that the best way to follow somebody is to walk on the opposite side of the road because when they turn a corner, I can see where they are going. Whereas if I was right behind them, I would have to wait until they have turned a corner and potentially lose them.

As a private investigator, you'd be very bad at your job if someone knew that they were being followed by you. But, if I was suspicious that I was being followed, the first thing that I would do is check my car to see if there is a tracker on it, and I'd also change my route so that I don't get followed. If I was walking, I would also stop at stores constantly and look in store windows to see if the same person has stopped a few times.

How to know if your partner is cheating

Infidelity seems to be a common issue that comes up. A person who may be suspicious of their partner will contact me. Some common warning signs that your partner may be cheating could be that they suddenly start taking care of their appearance; they might lose weight or change the way they dress. Another sign is if they stop leaving their phone lying around just anywhere.

Another common warning sign I've noticed through my clients is when one partner gaslights the other to make them feel like they are in the wrong for bringing up any cheating accusations. In some circumstances, the cheating person might argue with their partner, or play the victim. This might allow them to get out of the house, to see the person that they are cheating with.

Practically, whilst investigating, if I see that someone has repetitively deleted their search history, it's a very big warning sign of infidelity. But also, being a creature of habit will also get the better of some people. I had a case where a wife suspected her husband of cheating and he gave himself away by going to the same place at the same time with his neighbor's wife, which made it very easy for me to track him.

When a client contacts me and has concerns about their partner cheating, my first step would usually be to track someone's car. That would often lead the suspect to a place like a restaurant, in which I'd take pictures and gather evidence for my client. It's not my job to have an opinion on the evidence. I give what I have gathered to the client and let them make their judgment.

Three months after I hand in the evidence, I usually contact my clients to see if they are okay. I don't want them to feel like I had given them shocking information and left them to figure it out alone. They can always talk to me and clarify what they think and also see what I think. This is helpful for both my male and female clients in all situations. One woman that I worked for discovered that her husband had a business that she knew nothing about, so it's not just infidelity that takes place.

Avoiding would-be murderers

I rarely see my clients face to face, so trusting your gut is very important in my line of work. In one instance, I had a client who asked me to locate his ex-girlfriend because he allegedly wanted his ring back from her.

I didn't have a very good feeling about him, so I told him that I couldn't locate her because I was too busy. A week later, the police contacted me and told me that he was asking me to locate his ex-girlfriend so that he could kill her. I was so glad that I trusted my instinct!

It was important for me to set up a little team because, in my business, different people have different strengths. Some people are good at physical tracking and others are very good at finding information about people online.

If you saw me, I'd be the very last person that you think would be a private investigator. I have bright red hair and I stand out in a crowd. I often use reverse psychology, because people wouldn't look at me and think that I could be a private investigator. I love helping people because when they come to me, I'm often their last resort. After all, they are looking for unbiased answers.

Ali Harris is a private investigator. She set up Miss AM investigations after studying psychology and receiving qualifications in Criminal Psychology, Forensic Science, Profiling, Criminology, and Private Investigation. You can find out more about her here.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.