Rob Schneider pondered the possibility of never working in Hollywood again as he and other comedians joked—oftentimes crudely—about COVID protocols and "wokeness" during a fundraiser for independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
"I'm trying to find a new way to make sure Hollywood never f***ing hires me again for a movie," Schneider said on Wednesday night, positing that he has likely lost work due to his support of Kennedy, given his assertion that most of his colleagues in the entertainment industry are backing President Joe Biden for reelection.
Schneider performed with Adam Carolla, Jeremy Piven, Michael Binder and other comedians at the Million Dollar Theater, a Los Angeles movie palace that is among the oldest in the nation. Several hundred guests paid from $150-$1,500 apiece to attend the event hosted by Kennedy and his wife, actress Cheryl Hines.
Binder joked that Larry David, who stars with Hines on the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm, couldn't be there because "this is a fundraiser and we didn't want to spend the money to have Larry David surgically removed from Barack Obama's ass."
Schneider, who lives in Arizona, joked that he could only spend six hours in California due to high taxes, and also took aim at the Walt Disney Co.'s embrace of the transgender movement.
"Disneyland has a great deal. For every adult who buys a ticket, the child gets a free puberty blocker," he said.
He said that Gay Pride Month seems "greedy," given that Presidents Abraham Lincoln and George Washington share a single day for celebration, and joked that if they had had sex with each other they would get a whole month.
Schneider veered into serious discussion occasionally.
"Remember when they were the Democratic party? Against war? Censorship? Don't trust your government?" he said.
"They want us to look at everything about our lives through woke, gender, race and sexuality," he added.
While Binder called his two adult children "the woke-ing dead ... so woke I can't even bring them to a comedy show like this. They'll hear an anti-vax joke and they'll burst into flames."
At one point he asked: "Any lesbians here? All right, let's talk about these people. My daughter's a beautiful, sturdy little lesbian."
Piven asked the audience: "You ever just feel like you need a win? I'm thinking of joining a female swim team ... I think transgenders should compete in every sport. I really do. As long as I'm allowed to bet on them."
At a few points during the show, Binder, sensing the jokes could be interpreted as offensive and raunchy, asked Kennedy Jr., seated in the front row, if he was doing OK. And Hines joked twice that if anyone had a problem with the material they should text her husband directly.
Piven, known for his role in the TV series Entourage that ran from 2004-2011, said of the show: "Could you imagine those billboards in this climate? Five straight, white, focused men coming straight at you on a billboard? People would be like, 'Is that a documentary about January 6?'"
Getting the biggest reaction from the crowd were the jokes related to the government's response to the COVID pandemic—perhaps understandable since the candidate they were there to support has been critical of vaccine mandates, forced business and school closures, mandatory masking and other protocols.
"We were taught that when you walked into restaurants you were contagious, right?" asked Piven. "Then you sit down and you're not contagious any more. So I think the variable is elevation. I mean, name one midget with COVID, right?"
And Carolla said: "The day we heard them say mask up between bites, that should have been the day we said, 'f*** this.' Mask up between bites? I don't think I heard that since my last Klan barbecue."
Beyond the central themes of COVID and "wokeness", it was Carolla who took the lead in criticizing Kennedy Jr.'s opponents by name: Biden and Donald Trump, both of whom are being scrutinized for their age and mental capability.
Carolla, who was introduced by Dr. Drew Pinsky, reminisced about a 2008 incident where an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President George W. Bush, who quickly ducked and escaped unharmed.
"I miss those days, because if you're throwing a shoe at Joe Biden, it will find its target." Even, he added, if it was "one of the My Pillow guy's comfortable yet durable slippers."
He alleged that many Democrats are coming around to the idea that Biden isn't the best candidate for their party, then said:
"I've come up with a foolproof plan to get Joe Biden not to run for a second term ... When he says, 'I'm running for a second term,' you say, 'but this is your second term.'"
He added: "With all due respect, you think he could have f***ed up the country this badly in three years? This is a seven-year project. You're bad, but not Jimmy Carter. Get over yourself."
When he said, "Joe did lose a son to cancer. Some say the wrong one," the audience groaned, and he quickly added: "You think that's a rough joke, but not people with two kids ... I got boy-girl twins, so, obviously, I can't say the one I love the most, but he knows who he is."
Carolla became personally acquainted with Trump when he appeared on his Celebrity Apprentice TV show 13 years ago. Describing him on Wednesday, he said: "Think of Don King with crazier hair and a broken moral compass."
He added that each time Trump appears in court, "his poll numbers go up and you turn on CNN and they're like, 'they're turning Trump into a martyr.' I think that's going on, but not a traditional martyr. Normally when you think 'martyr' you think Jesus Christ, maybe Ghandi — skinny guys ... no one ever says, 'Where's the martyr? He's on the back nine at Pebble eating a Chick-fil-A.'"
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Paul Bond has been a journalist for three decades. Prior to joining Newsweek he was with The Hollywood Reporter. He ... Read more
