Interracial Couple Share Abusive Comments They Receive About Relationship

Alexis and Brian Cole, both 32 and from Michigan, have been together for 13 years and have two beautiful children, and yet even in 2024 they still have to justify their relationship to people.

Simply, because Alexis is Black, and Brian is white.

"We met in 2009 through mutual friends," Alexis Cole told Newsweek. "Brian grew up around Black culture, attending a predominantly black church. Over the next year we became best friends, until inevitably the feelings developed in to something stronger. One of the things about Brian that attracted me to him was his was his confidence in his own skin. He never tried to act like or be anyone but who he was. We became an official item in 2011."

The couple have received backlash due to their relationship, prompting them to make a video on TikTok highlighting some of the more common issues they face.

"We're a mixed couple," Alexis starts. "Of course people ask me if my babies are adopted, apparently you have to be the same skin tone for me to be their mother."

"We're a mixed couple," Brian continues. "And it's always fun watching people remember that I'm with a Black woman right after they say something racist. I don't know why being with a Black woman matters, because it's still racist."

"Here we are in 2023," reads the caption, but this intolerance is nothing new for the couple, and instead of enjoying what is known in new relationships as the "honeymoon period," the couple had to have some difficult conversations.

"We immediately had concerns about stigma as soon as we started dating," said Alexis. "We had to have conversations with our families. While they were all very supportive, we still put in positions where we had to have very challenging conversations about race, subconscious bias, stereotypes, inappropriate jokes."

Alexis added that in 2011 there was a lack of representation for mixed couples, and they didn't know a lot of people who dated outside their race.

"We received heavy stares and whispers when we went out together. We encountered people who yelled at me in the street, things like; 'Why are you with him, you should be with your own people,'" she said.

"Brian has been physically threatened while walking the streets just because he was with me," she added. "The stress of how we were meant to respond to these events and pressures, while trying to get to know each other and grow in our relationship was extremely poignant."

Despite the continued intolerance of interracial relationships in the U.S, the situation is significantly better than in 1958, when interracial relationships in the U.S were approved of by only 4 percent of the population.

A survey conducted by global analytics firm Gallop first polled the questions in 1958, and again in 2013, where 87 percent of the population reportedly approved of interracial relationships. In 2021, they reported that the percentage had reached 94 percent.

Alexis told Newsweek that the intensity of the comments has shifted over time and throughout the relationship.

"Because we are on social media, people often feel more free to say things they would not say to our faces," said Alexis. "From white people, I have been called a monkey and have repeatedly been the punchline to jokes about my dark skin tone. Black people have labeled me a sellout and claimed I am going to hell for having mixed babies, getting in bed with my slave owner. Brian has been called the Devil by Black people and told he was going to hell for being a slave owner. He's also been reprimanded by white people for mixing his children."

According to the U.S Census Bureau, Americans who identify as two or more races are one of the fastest growing racial or ethnic groups in the country. Approximately 2.5% of the adult American population identified as being more than one race in 2019.

Alexis has also had her opinions and experiences of Black culture and the struggles with racism dismissed and discredited simply because she is with a white man.

"I just fell in love with a man who happened to be white," said Alexis, "But Brian is constantly forced to deal with ignorant and stereotypical questions, jokes, statements about Black people from co-workers, clients, acquaintances, but he doesn't get as many of the direct comments about our relationship."

Managing the racism and intolerance thrown at them was a huge adjustment for the couple in the beginning, however after years of being on social media Alexis says that they are no longer affected by the negative and hateful comments.

"Instead, we feel sad for the people commenting, and concern for the state of mind they must be in to perceive the world in such a way," she said. "Although we have absolutely seen progress in society as a whole towards the outlook and perception of interracial relationships, we are constantly reminded that there is so much work yet to be done."

The couple would like to see a more open dialogue on the topic of interracial relationships and wider race issues.

"More safe spaces are needed for people to be able to understand each other better," said Alexis. "People want to be heard and seen. If we seek to empathize more regardless of our own opinions, coming together in unity and love, progress will be much more achievable."

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