I Learned to Read at 33

Reading wasn't a big part of my family's upbringing. There were a lot of other things they needed to focus on, like paying the bills. Nobody in my life ever told me that reading is very important.

In school, when I'd be asked to read, I'd walk out of the classroom, or protest. I was a very defiant kid. I didn't follow the rules like others. If I didn't like something, I just wouldn't do it. My childhood was spent arguing with the 40-year-olds who used to teach me. Because I went to a special education school, I would often get beaten by teachers whom I didn't respect.

I learned to get by without reading for so long. For instance, if I went to another country, and a sign was blue or green, I would go through it. If it was red, I'd know to stop. I couldn't read the Walmart sign and would drive around in a circle to find places. I'd never read a street sign ever, anywhere. I'd always operate with signs and colors. If Target were to change the color of its logo, I wouldn't be able to find it.

I took my driver's license test by listening to the audio and I passed after the fifth time, by memorizing the answers that I got wrong through audio. I saw the world differently. I was living in an ignorant place; I made mistakes and I hurt a lot of people because I didn't have the knowledge to articulate how I felt, or what I was going through.

While growing up, I had a little voice in my head that would tell me to read, but I always ignored it. When I'd be going through things, the voice would say: "Just read." But one day, the voice became too loud. I was tired of making excuses for myself.

So, towards the end of 2020, when I was 33, I sat down and taught myself how to read like I was a baby.

I told myself that I was going to act like an eight-year-old in front of a camera crying. If I didn't want to read, I was going to throw a temper tantrum. Why? Because it was my time that I was dedicating to learning how to read. We've got to step into our eight-year-old selves to grow. I couldn't read an elementary school book like a 30-year-old, I had to read it like a child.

When I started learning how to read, I began seeing all of the pain, the trouble, and the issues that I put on myself, and others. I didn't see any of that before. I was just a part of it. I started to think that I was more than the normal person in my neighborhood and the people around me. I began hoping and dreaming of things beyond me.

Everything became easier and my emotional control was better. But it was also very scary because I knew many things that I didn't know before. It felt like I was in the Matrix, choosing between the red pill and the blue pill. I thought: "Why do I know the stuff I didn't know? What do I do with all these things that I know?"

I believe that books guide us.

For example, if I'm in emotional and mental pain and I pick up five books for the next six months, the chances are that I may not hurt myself. By the time I finish reading those five books, I would have evolved as a person. I also believe that reading and knowledge is a drug, but it's a good one.

We all have an internal voice, and before reading, mine was always there. It's still there, but I don't pay much attention to it anymore. The internal voice is drowned out by all the love and support I receive from people online.

I was stuck in a world of its own when I didn't read, and when I did, it felt like I had jumped into a whole new world.

You can't tell a person who doesn't know how to read how important reading is because their life is important already. They're fine. But if you can pull them out of that and give them the ability to read, they will be able to see all the things that they've missed in the world.

I'm still teaching myself how to read; I'm currently at elementary school level. I believe that I can be and do anything I set my mind to. There is no limit.

Oliver James is a TikTok sensation and motivational speaker who went viral when he opened up about his struggles with learning to read in his mid-thirties.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's associate editor, Carine Harb.

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