Man's Reason for Banning Brother's New Girlfriend From Family Event Cheered

Reddit users have slammed a man for inviting his new partner to a family event while they're all still mourning the loss of his longtime girlfriend, who died just a few months ago.

A Redditor, who posted on the AITA (Am I The A******?) thread under the username u/throwaway5896074837 outlined his frustration over his brother's "dumb decision" to invite his new girlfriend to their nephew's birthday party.

The brother, who he refers to as Ron, dated his late girlfriend, Linda, for over a decade until she was tragically hit by a drunk driver in January. The poster says that the "entire family was devastated" by her passing and is "still mourning her."

There is no right amount of time to spend mourning as it varies so much for every case. The stages of grief can include denial, anger and frustration as reality sets in, signs of depression, and finally, acceptance of the loss, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Everyone grieves differently and some people might feel the stages of grief in a different order.

The poster's grief is palpable and he goes on to say that his nephew Drew (their sister's child), who is disabled and autistic, "took it especially hard, since he doesn't really grasp what death means." Drew, he explained, had a special bond with Linda.

"I don't know how to describe the relationship between Drew and Linda, they just sort of clicked, from the moment he was born she was his best friend and would often watch over him...He constantly asks where Linda is and when she'll be coming back, sometimes going as far as having full blown meltdowns because he misses her so much."

Drew is in therapy to process his grief, but the Redditor said it's "a slow progress."

With Drew's seventh birthday coming up, the family was hoping to throw an "over-the-top event" to spread some joy during a difficult time. Ron, however, shocked everyone by announcing that he's bringing "Gia, a new girlfriend he is hoping to introduce to the family."

"Most of the family is pissed at him for moving on so quickly. I personally think it's none of my business and I'm not going to tell him what to do or how to live his life," The Redditor wrote. "However, bringing a new partner over to his nephew's birthday when he knows how said nephew was so attached to his former gf, and is still mourning her, is idiotic at best, and cruel at worst."

Despite the poster's outrage over Ron's decision, Dale Larson, a psychotherapist specializing in grief and loss, highlights that grief isn't linear or identical for all. He explained that people shouldn't judge how others choose to grieve, and instead support their decisions.

"A compassionate stance is key if you are to be a helpful companion to anyone on their grief journey. The first principle is don't scratch where it doesn't itch," Larson told Newsweek. "Even if your assessment is accurate, the bereaved person has to recognize that something is not right and be open to exploring that. It's important to remember that we often question how someone else is grieving because their grieving is different from ours."

Discussing the Redditor's family dilemma, Larson said that they will "need to find ways to move forward together with compassion," which could take months or even years. Throughout the process, however, it's key not to be judgemental of one another.

"Traumatic loss, and how the family navigates it, will shape them and their relations far into the future. Compassionate conversations are what usually keep the family growing in a healthy direction after a loss like this," he said.

Since Ron revealed that he was bringing his new partner to the family event, Drew's father told him that he "shouldn't bother coming at all." The decision hasn't gone well with Ron, who called the poster a "bad brother" for not supporting his choice to move on.

Reddit users have backed the poster. Many of the 2,000 commenters have suggested that Ron should introduce his girlfriend at another event, but not this birthday party.

"An autistic kid's birthday party is really not the time to be introducing new people, particularly when the kid in question hasn't even processed that Linda is gone yet," one person commented.

Another comment reads: "Even if he wasn't autistic, OP's brother needs to realize that Linda was part of his family for 11 years, and his family is still grieving the loss of a family member. Four months is too soon for most people, so even if it's not too soon for OP's brother, it's probably too soon for his family."

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