Man Caught Cheating on Partner Using Joint iPad Sparks Fury: 'Blocked Him'

A woman has turned to Mumsnet users for advice after discovering suspicious messages on the iPad she shares with her boyfriend.

Posting to the site's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on October 25, user Prora suspected that her boyfriend of 18 months was having an affair.

As his cell phone is synced to their joint iPad, the poster had accidentally stumbled across a series of flirty messages between her boyfriend and a mystery number. The texts were seemingly sent on a drunken night out the week before, when he stayed with a friend instead of returning home.

Devastated and unable to find an "innocent explanation," the poster turned to fellow Mumsnet users for help.

21 Percent of Americans Admit to Cheating

In a poll conducted between October 23 and 24 by Redfield & Wilton Strategies, one-fifth of participants admitted to cheating on their partner or spouse. Surveying 1,500 American adults, 21 percent reported being unfaithful in the past, while 12 percent of people said they'd cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught.

According to Ashley Madison—a dating site for people who are married or in a relationship—typical signs that your partner could be cheating include a change in routine (such as working late every night or picking up a new hobby), putting extra effort into their appearance, spending more money than usual or unexplained purchases, and a change in libido.

However, suddenly putting passwords on their phone or removing their accounts from shared devices is also a red flag, especially as cyber affairs rose during lockdown, according to Ashley Madison.

If you've caught your partner cheating, Alexandra Mollon—a sex and relationship expert and the founder of Somatic Healing—told Newsweek that it's important to process your feelings before taking any action.

She recommended asking questions such as: "Do you want to work on the relationship? Does it just seem like your partner isn't monogamous? Is that something you'd like to explore for yourself too?

"What do you need at this moment? Once you have a good idea of where you're at, and where your boundaries and needs lie, then it's time to have the hard conversation," Mollon added.

'Do You Even Have to Ask?'

In her post, Prora wrote that the messages to the mystery woman were sent while her boyfriend was out with his friends. He hadn't come home that night, which he blamed on missing the train while drunk. However, the text conversation shows him trying to meet up with the woman in a bar.

"In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar," she wrote.

"He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'"

After exchanging several messages and being unable to find one another, her boyfriend gave up and took a taxi to his friend's house.

"She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar,'" Prora added.

The next day, there was a new series of messages between the boyfriend and the mystery woman, discussing COVID-19 testing.

"Then the following day he texts her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative," Prora said.

"Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end."

Heartbroken by the message thread, Prora asked users whether she should confront him when he gets home, or call the woman and find out what happened.

Based on the text conversation, users agreed that Prora's boyfriend was likely being unfaithful, or had at least tried to cheat and failed.

"100% cheating. Do you even have to ask?" wrote RandomMusings7, while ChunkyThighs24 advised against calling the woman, but did tell Prora to ditch her boyfriend: "What a pig. You'll never trust him again."

WildFlowerBees commented: "Dump, ignore the excuses and the attempts to make it your fault. Block and take some time for yourself."

When it comes to confronting an unfaithful partner, Mollon said be ready to discuss what you're feeling and what you need, as well as the evidence you've uncovered.

"There is no right or wrong way to do this. You two co-created your relationship, and you will co-create what happens after infidelity," she said.

"Choosing each other and working on it is beautiful, and so is choosing yourself and walking away—plus there are so many options in between.

"Only you know what's best for you," added Mollon.

'No Regrets'

In an update, Prora wrote that she had confronted her now-ex, probing him during a dinner date that evening.

"[I wanted to] see if he would admit to anything, even small things like giving her his number, which he didn't," she wrote.

So, Prora decided to look through his phone, and after finding evidence of multiple cyber affairs, she decided to end the relationship.

"No regrets about snooping at all, in fact I would encourage people in these situations," she posted.

"I found several women he'd been sexting, including one discussing fantasies involving me and asking this woman when she was coming to his house.

"I have left him and he's blocked. He was trying to justify it. I just feel sickened by everything I've found out about him, he's not the man I thought he was."