Man Divorcing Wife After Learning What She Lied About for Years Backed

A man has shared an account explaining why he's filing for divorce from his wife after discovering the huge secret she had been keeping from him throughout their four-year marriage.

Posting to Reddit under a handle that has since been deleted, the 38-year-old man described the deception that led him to sever ties with his wife, Natalie, and his 12-year-old stepdaughter Kaya. He also admitted that he is having second thoughts about the decision, with Natalie promising to change and his parents telling him to "move on and give her another chance."

However, while those around him pushed for reconciliation, the details of what unfolded drew a very different reaction on social media.

When it comes to having kids, men and women today appear somewhat divided. A 2024 Pew Research Center poll of U.S. adults aged 18 to 34 found that it's men rather than women who appear keen to start a family.

According to the research, while they are in no hurry, 57 percent of men polled said they wanted to have children someday, compared with 45 percent of women. Regardless of your preference, it's important in any long-term relationship that couples stay on the same page about issues like having kids.

'Open to Having More Kids'

That's where the problems stem from for this particular man posting to Reddit. Though he has had a "great relationship" with Kaya, whose calls him "dad" having never met her father, he has always been clear "from the very beginning" with Natalie that he wanted kids of his own too.

She told him she was "open to having more kids" as well, but after they got married they were seemingly unable to conceive with Natalie refusing to consider IVF as it would be "too costly and hard on her body."

"I was secretly devastated, but I decided to come to terms with the fact that I'll never have any biological kids," the man wrote. However, everything changed a few days ago when Natalie's sister revealed she had been lying to him and was not only taking "pills" behind his back, but had had an abortion 18 months into their marriage.

The man was left "floored" by this revelation with Natalie admitting she "really didn't want another kid," but didn't want to lose him either. The man said he left and has been staying with his parents ever since. "I can't believe she lied to me instead of talking to me," he said.

'Blatant Disrespect'

Commenting on the dilemma facing the man, Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, self-esteem and life transitions with Thriveworks, a nationwide mental health company, told Newsweek: "It's absolutely justifiable that the man in this situation is feeling deep feelings of hurt and betrayal and that he 'walked out' of his relationship with his partner."

"His partner engaged in blatant disrespect, deceit, and what some would define as abusive behavior patterns by purposefully withholding information and then making decisions regarding a pregnancy that she withheld from him. If the partner wants to remain in the relationship but not have more children, honesty is the best policy," Cromer said.

"As formulaic as this sounds, as humans we tend to function best in relationships when there are established boundaries that are mutually agreed upon. That is, we trust that if we are 'trying' to have a child that our partner will not engage in deceitful behaviors behind our back and would certainly have the respect for their partner to discuss their pregnancy. "

Cromer felt Natalie should have been "more willing" to discuss her desire not to have children as they could have explored "potential compromises." "This situation could be salvageable, but it is only salvageable with professional counseling help and a lot of time where the offending partner is able to demonstrate a consistent, reliable pattern of behaviors that will meet her partner's needs and rebuild trust," Cromer concluded.

'A Deep Betrayal'

Those commenting on social media were less forgiving.

"I actually gasped reading this. That's a deep betrayal," one user wrote. "My jaw physically dropped and I gasped too," a second said. "She was never going to tell him. If it wasn't for her sister to spill the truth, he would probably never have known. It's messed up."

A third commented: "This is about the fact your partner chose over and over again to lie to you, to allow you to dream about a future she knew you won't have with her. She lied, betrayed, and misled you for years."

A fourth, meanwhile, said: "This is worse than cheating on you. She stole your chance of being a biological father when she knew this is what was important to you."

Newsweek was unable to verify the details of this Reddit post.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.