Man Hacking Girlfriend's Laptop to Uncover Secrets Dragged: 'Right to Know'

The internet has dragged a man who tried hacking his girlfriend's laptop after she refused to reveal her secret, saying he had the "right to know" it.

In a post shared on Reddit earlier in February under the username u/Ok_West_9375, he explained that despite dating his girlfriend for about six months, he was still unsure as to what she did for a living, saying she'd always been very vague about it.

He wrote: "But recently, one of her friends mentioned something and I finally dragged it out of her. She's an author, she writes and self-published romance and erotica stories and novels and while not rich, she's able to make a living out of it."

According to Publishers Weekly, while the demand for print books fell by 6.5 percent in 2022, it was a great year for romance books, as their sales increased by 52.4 percent.

After failing to find out more about her online, and getting any answers out of her regarding his new discovery, he tried to hack her laptop to find out her "pen name," but knowing what she was in for, she had changed her password before going to bed.

"She refuses, saying she doesn't want it to be leaked even by accident and no one knows. I accused her of not trusting me and she still refused which was really annoying.

"I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn't trust me, and it's not fair because I have a right to know what she writes especially since it's a sensitive topic and I don't know her if I don't know her pen name."

The poster added that his girlfriend was "furious" about his attempted hacking, but that he would not apologize, because he thinks he should know.

"Before leaving I told her when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. She called me an a****** on my way out.

"I thought she'd call by now but she hasn't. My sister told me I was the a****** and I should apologize but I just don't see it."

The Important of Trust

Lisa Pion-Berlin Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and hypnotherapist, and CEO of Parents Anonymous, told Newsweek that trust is central to every relationship and that if you doubt your partner is being trustworthy about important matters, that is a serious concern.

She said: "It is understandable that the boyfriend is worried that his girlfriend will not tell him her 'pen' name. What is she hiding? If this is how she makes a living and she is in a relationship, why not share her name and her work? It may be a good time to take a look at what kind of relationship they have.

"He should ask himself; does he feel connected and loved? Is there real commitment from both partners? These questions and others need to be addressed by both of them. Her strong reaction to his question is concerning. Does she want to be in a loving and close relationship with him? However, trying to break into her laptop is not the way to address this issue.

According to Pion-Berlin, counseling with a trusted therapist may be helpful for this couple to sort out their feelings and expectations in their relationship.

"Both of them have strong reactions and decisions about sharing information and this really defines the scope and nature of their relationship. Apologizing is not the key to a healthy and loving relationship.

"Sorting through the deep emotions of trust and fear of being judged or not supported is the most important issue. Taking a break and giving time to these issues may help create a safe space to explore the real issue, TRUST," she said.

The post, originally shared in the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, where users discuss their actions with strangers, has now gone viral, receiving over 22,500 upvotes and 8,800 comments.

One user, thirdtryisthecharm, commented: "[You're The A******]. I have a right to know what she writes. Based on what? You WANT to know what she writes - don't confuse that with having any sort of RIGHT to the information."

And ntrees007 said: "[You're The A******]. She wants to keep it private and you keep invading her privacy to the point of going through her private things. You sound super weird regarding her basic request to not share her Penn name with you. Honestly, it sounds like if you found out you would blast it off everywhere so your [girlfriend] has a point. Hope you never find out. Edited to add you're 32. Grow up. What is this behavior?!"

Another user, CrystalQueen3000, wrote: "[You're The A******] Well you're just a walking red flag OP, demanding, controlling, and feel like it's your right to snoop. That's just grim. Enjoy being single." And franklinchica22 joked: "I'm seeing a potential plot for her next book here."

Steelguitarlane added: "[You're The A******] with bells on. She wants to write erotica from the safety of anonymity. You don't get to remove that. You're a double a****** for expecting an apology. If she were here, half the sub (more like 95%) would be urging her to dump your controlling a** that would probably doxx her in the event of a messy breakup."

Newsweek reached out to u/Ok_West_9375 for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.