Man Issuing Partner Ultimatum Over 5-Year-Old Daughter Slammed: 'It's Over'

The internet has slammed a man who gave his girlfriend an ultimatum after she complained about having his young daughter over at her house multiple times a week, even though they don't live together.

In a post shared on Mumsnet earlier in March, under the username MNF2021, the woman explained that she's been seeing her boyfriend for over a year now, and even though they don't live together because they both agree they're not ready yet, he still spends most nights at her place.

She wrote: "He gives me money towards my food shop every week but nothing else. I will state, I am fine with this as we don't live together, he doesn't shower at mine etc, and whether he was here or not my household bills would remain the same."

The poster also added that her boyfriend currently doesn't have his own place, so he is staying at his dad's when he's not at her place. Although he's at her place almost seven nights a week.

She wrote: "My daughter who is 13 isn't very keen on him but has no reason not to be. It has been me and her for majority of her life and if she had it her way—she would have it just as US."

While he used to have his daughter over every weekend, as per a shared custody agreement, after a few discussions he's managed to change the arrangement.

She said: "The arrangement has now changed to the following—Every other weekend—Friday from school to drop off with the mom at 7:00 a.m. in another city on Monday morning (meaning he waking his daughter up at around 6 a.m. to travel).

"On the weekends he does not have her—he has her in the week Wednesday through to Friday and every morning dropping back at the mom's in another city (Thursday AM and Friday AM) for the mom to take her to school."

According to statistics by EarthWeb, there are 12.9 million custodial parents in America, and approximately 29 percent of child custody decisions are made without mediators or court hearings. Moreover, 13 of the 50 states in the United States don't have to consider the child's preference in custody cases.

The poster finds this arrangement "bizarre" and "not in the interest of the child." She said: "Waking her up early and having her sit through a full day at school being tired but he is adamant he wants a 50/50 split."

Because he stays at hers so often and sometimes has his daughter over outside of their arrangements, the poster is now taking issues with her presence in her house, saying she has a very demanding job and because his daughter is so young (5 years old) she doesn't want her around so much.

For this reason, she told him if he wants his daughter around so often he will have to have her at his dad's, not at hers. But her boyfriend didn't take it well.

She wrote: "He has now given me an ultimatum to say—Either accept me and my daughter fully as in we both should be able to come there as and when want or it's over! He has said I would gladly have him there every day if it was just him—so why is it any different when it is him and his daughter."

For the poster it's about space and being able to spend more time with her own daughter, adding that since they don't even live together she has the right to choose who she lets into her home.

She wrote: "Sounds a little selfish, but I am at the point in my life where my daughter who is 13 is semi-independent so it's not all the time I would want a youngster around. Baring in my mind, he has two children by two different women; therefore two different arrangements. I am open to phasing this in and having her more gradually but it's going to take some time for me to adjust and we don't live together for a reason."

Evan Schein, partner and head of litigation at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein law firm in New York City, told Newsweek that while new relationships can be wonderful, they can indeed also bring new challenges.

He said: "The blending of families is often one of those challenges. While some children may embrace a new family dynamic with wide open arms, other children may need more time to adjust. This situation should be approached with direct and honest communication between the partners. The concerns, perspective, and history should all be on the table and open for discussion.

"By being honest and open, it may help the other partner appreciate the concerns in a way that had not been fully understood before. If this approach does not work, there is always family therapy or other professionals who may be able to assist in making the transition go as smoothly as possible."

According to Schein, if there is complete resistance to and shutdown of the concerns expressed, there might be bigger concerns such as whether this relationship is one you should be in.

Over 87 percent of the 2,245 users who voted on the AIBU [Am I Being Unreasonable] poll agreed the poster was not being unreasonable and she had the right to choose who stays at her place.

One user, Ponderoveryonder, commented: "I'm not surprised your daughter isn't keen on him. Are you sure she has NO reason?" And Paq said: "[You Are Not Being Unreasonable]. But I do think you are BU for him to be staying so often when your daughter doesn't like it. It's her home too and she doesn't have to have 'reasons.'"

FrankColumbo wrote: "When you say you don't live together, you actually do, don't you? He's a cheeky f*****, having moved in by stealth and now threatening you to get you to have his daughter also living with you 50 percent of the time—when you've already said that you don't want this to happen."

Another user, VanillaImpulse, commented: "Your house, your rules! Get rid if I were you. You will end up doing the childcare when that period of your life is done." And AitchPeeVee wrote: "Obviously this relationship is a dead end."

RenegadeMistress said: "hahahaha he's having a laugh isn't he!! By 'accept' his daughter he means house and feed her at your expense, doesn't he? Then it'll be pushing to parent her. What exactly are his outgoings if he doesn't have a house and isn't paying CM because he has her 50/50? He's a taker." And AndiOliversFan added: "Two kids by two different women and lives with his dad. What a catch..."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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