A man's rejection of tradition has led to cheers and a discussion online about how to navigate cultural expectations when they clash with personal beliefs.
In a viral post on Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum, u/FewGoldfish explained that for his upcoming wedding, he opted out of a tradition that puts the wife in a "lower position" than the husband. The post has received nearly 5,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments as of writing.
The original poster (OP) said, not specifying the country, that he is Asian and moved to the United States when he was 14 years old. His parents still live in his home country. He is now engaged to his fiancee Anna, a white American.
The tradition in question is an "ancient" one, he said, where on the wedding day, the bride bows down to the groom's feet.
"It's to show that she is willing to obey her husband and treats him like the protector in her life," OP wrote. "I think it's deeply disrespectful to the bride."
He said that while Anna is an "open-minded" person and willing to participate in the tradition, he will not let her because of its implications—which he said Anna does not fully understand.
Now, OP said his family is mad at him for rejecting the tradition, especially as Anna is willing to do it.
Commenters empathized with OP's tricky situation, offering insight and creative solutions, but seldom said to get on with the tradition as is.
"Have Anna do it in the ceremony. Then without anyone except Anna knowing the plan, you immediately do the same to her. Bow to her feet to show her respect," u/TotalIndependence881 said.
Some Hindu commenters claimed the tradition, saying they have altered it when it comes up at gatherings or events.
"Asian heritage female here. My husband and I are actively practicing Hindus and during functions when I'm supposed to bow to his feet, we just give each other a hug," u/tickleyourspine wrote. "Even though I understand...the patriarchal history of it all is degrading. I think a good surprise is that when she bows to touch your feet, you bow at the same time and touch hers in return."
The post ignited a larger discussion about the nature of tradition: whether it is meant to evolve and how. Some were quick to point out that Christian wedding traditions among Americans have evolved to become less gender imbalanced.
"Like American wedding vows used to end with 'man and wife.' Now it's 'husband and wife.' Traditions change as attitudes evolve," u/grandmamimma wrote of the shift toward more equal language.
"White American here. We modified the 'giving away the bride' tradition so that it was addressed to all four parents: 'Who gives this couple one to another,'" u/Jaded-Chip343 said. "Symbolized not the giving of a woman, but parental relinquishment of the primary familial bond. Turned it from a tradition that irked into something beautiful I loved."
While many in the comments championed the idea of tweaking traditions, some said it might not be the best method for appeasing family expectations.
"I don't think this is a good idea. It is even a bigger insult to tradition," u/Healthy-Fisherman-33 wrote." They would get over skipping it completely because she is American and not from their culture but if HE changes the tradition, he would be insulting his own culture."
Ultimately, most in the comments were supportive of OP's rejection of the tradition, whether or not he chooses to get creative with it or ditch it altogether.
"If you choose to skip a sexist tradition and show your respect for [Anna], that's even better. It's your wedding, and you're choosing to make a beautiful statement," u/anonymom135 wrote.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
