When it comes to letting a moment land, one woman is saying that men have some work to do.
A video posted by Emma Noyes (@emmanoyesmaybe) went viral on TikTok for revealing a heartwarming moment undercut by silliness by her fiancé. After telling her that the "clock of his life" began when he met her, Noyes' fiancé proceeded to kick around a soccer ball as if it never happened—prompting her to ask the question, "How are men like this?"
Since it was posted four days ago, the clip has received 14.9 million views, more than 3.2 million likes and over 8,000 comments from viewers.
"My fiancé just kissed me on the head and said, 'The clock of my life started when I met you' and then started kicking a miniature soccer ball around the apartment like it wasn't the most romantic thing that anyone has ever said to anyone," Noyes captioned the video.
Her astonishment about her fiancé being unable to hold the emotional moment was echoed by viewers with similar experiences.
"Boyfriend once said to me, 'In all the ways there is to love you, I love you' and then spoke like [Red Dead Redemption 2 video-game character] Arthur Morgan for the next hour," @itz.wenzday wrote.
"My husband regularly will say things like 'Yours is the last voice I want to hear on this earth' and then just go 'Welp, time to go mow the lawn.'" @doblers.crisis posted.
"The masculine urge to lighten the mood after expressing deep emotions," @wazetax commented, offering a potential explanation for Noyes' fiancé's behavior.
@emmanoyesmaybe HOW ARE MEN LIKE THIS #love #relationship #marriage #husband #fiance #couple #couplegoals
♬ original sound - anna 🏹
Emotional Expression Is Gendered
While Noyes' video is lighthearted, her question about men being "like this"—that is, unable to hold a moment of emotional expression—is weightier.
A study published in the journal Sociology of Health and Illness looked at the lives of 18 Australian men who engaged with their masculinity through emotional restriction, and who struggled with suicidality. Researchers found that the men learned in childhood that expressing emotions—especially sadness—"reduced masculine standing". Others, like anger, seemed to enhance masculinity, leading to the emotional restriction of certain emotions.
The study found that in the context of this learned gendering of emotions, men took three approaches: they concealed their emotions, openly expressed them or were ambivalent.
Some of the ambivalent participants maintained a classically masculine "facade" in public, but in private—usually around partners, sisters or female friends—they were more emotionally expressive.
The implications of gender roles and emotional expression, as seen in the study, can be dire, but, other times, they present just as those of Noyes' fiancé did to internet users: in a silly and even charming manner.
The moments of emotional expression that do come from men can make quite an impact, as seen in the video's comments.
"My head is a forest," carson_pooper wrote, sharing something her partner said to her. "And you've carved your initials into every tree."
Newsweek reached out to @emmanoyesmaybe for comment via TikTok.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "988" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
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