'Our Love Surges Make Us Physically Shake With Passion'

People often say that as the years go by, the passion and love start to fade in a relationship. But this couple has shown that isn't the case for them, and they still experience a rush of love that they cannot contain.

Having been together for six years, Lilianna Wilde, 34, knows her husband, Sean Kolar, 30, incredibly well, and she can read his mood from the slightest of signals. There are times when he needs her to make him laugh, when he wants to be alone, or times when he simply wants to squeeze his wife so much to channel all of his affection in what the couple calls "a love surge."

Wilde, from Los Angeles, California, explained that a love surge occurs when one of them is feeling completely overwhelmed with affection and passion, telling Newsweek, "You just have all of this emotion, and you have to physically let it out."

"I guess a few people say that it's like cute aggression. You just feel so overwhelmed with love and enjoyment, that you want to squeeze someone so tight and share that with them, and share the love with them," Wilde continued.

When Wilde and Kolar have so much passion coursing through their veins, the only way to exert that is through the tightest possible hug. Wilde explained that sometimes Kolar will start physically shaking as a result of the love surge, and once they experience the hug, they start shaking in tandem because it's channeling through them both.

"When we haven't seen each other in a while, or when the day has been hard and we finally come home and are together, I just need to give him like a really big squeeze.

"When Sean does it, I feel so important, because for him, in this moment, the only thing he can think about is being close to me. I feel validated and so loved and cared for. It makes me feel so happy when he just wants me near him."

Couples often choose to show their affection for one another in a variety of ways—some prefer over-the-top displays with bells and whistles, whereas others might opt for more scaled-back and simple gestures.

Marriage counselor and author Dr. Gary Chapman teaches people about the concept of the five love languages, which represent the ways people express and desire love. According to Chapman's theory, the five types include quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, and acts of service.

A poll that was conducted by YouGov in 2022 asked 1,000 U.S. adults about their preferred love language, and 38 percent said quality time together is the most important. The love language which came in second place was physical touch, with 24 percent, among all adults. However, men were more likely than women to name physical touch as their preferred way of receiving love.

It Doesn't Have To Be A Romantic Concept

Experiencing a love surge for another person doesn't have to solely be a romantic concept, as Wilde explained that the idea actually came from her dad.

She told Newsweek: "My dad was a tow truck driver when I was a little kid, and he would be on the road for two or three days at a time. He was often first on the scene for really tragic accidents, and he saw a lot of tragedy, and a lot of people lost their kids.

"So, he would come home and have no other way to express that. He would just grab me, my brother, or my mom and just squeeze us so tight. He called it a love squeeze."

Wilde has always been surrounded by these outward signs of affection, and once she started dating Kolar, it felt right to channel their affection this way too. She explains that every person will have their way of channeling all that love, as she noted that some people might do something similar with their pet when they squeeze them lovingly.

In August, Wilde shared the concept of the love surge with the world when she posted about it on TikTok (@liliannawilde). The viral video got plenty of people talking, as it gained more than 8.5 million views and 245,000 likes in the weeks that followed. As Wilde joked that it's "the cringiest, most couple thing ever," many social media users commented on the post to share their versions of this.

Wilde said: "I think everyone has their own version of it. A lot of the comments were saying that this is so cute, and people were saying that they do something similar with their partner. A lot of people were sharing their experiences, so I think there's some version that everyone does."

"Some people I've seen in the comments do a little love bite on their partner, or they'll do like a little hand squeeze, or butt tap or, or just a tight hug."

'Something Everyone Could Learn From'

As an expert speaker and author, Deborah Kagan has spent 25 years championing women's sexuality, but she admits that the concept of a love surge is something more couples should consider.

Kagan, from Santa Monica, California, told Newsweek: "Sharing love in a fun and playful way is something everyone could learn from. When we don't take ourselves too seriously and infuse play into each day, it enhances your natural mojo.

"I think channeling this kind of energy surge through your body to your partner's is beautiful, and a fun way to align yourselves for continued connection and affection."

This rush of affection can be caused by a variety of feelings, as Kagan suggests it may be activated by a memory or perhaps witnessing your partner doing something that causes a serotonin or dopamine hit through the body.

Dopamine is often referred to as the feel-good hormone, as the Cleveland Clinic explains that it creates a sense of pleasure when it's released. The right amount of dopamine can make a person feel happy and motivated, but when too much is released into the system, it can make someone feel euphoric and energetic.

Although the notion of a love surge was new to Kagan, the author of Undressed, she explained that it's very similar to a yoga form which uses breathing techniques and hand gestures to fuel the body's energy.

"What they're speaking of is similar to what the ancient yogis call a kriya. Kriyas are spontaneous expressions of energy that can come in a physical, psychological, or emotional form. Kriya Yoga is where you use breathwork, chanting, and specific hand gestures to grow spiritually and awaken your mojo. The practice of kriya yoga can accelerate these energetic surges."

'I Didn't Expect It To Go Like This'

Wilde regularly posts content about her life and relationship with Kolar on social media, but the response that she received about this particular video was beyond her expectations.

Millions of people responded to the clip, and although many of the reactions were humorous and positive, Wilde was astounded by some of the negative messages she received.

"I think there was a lot of stitches and duets that were super funny, I was interacting with a lot of those and giggling about them," Wilde continued. "But then it started to cross the line. It became this overwhelming vitriol and that's when it kind of changed and I felt really uncomfortable.

"I always post from a place of joy and authenticity, and it really is how Sean and I are. Of course, I expect some level of negativity because not everyone's going to like me or agree with me, and that's totally fine. I didn't expect it to go like this."

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