Why Millennials Shouldn't Worry About 'Soft Parenting'—According to Expert

Since millennials were younger, a lot has changed in the world. Many of them have grown up to become parents who have vowed never to raise their kids in the way they were.

Instead, millennials are taking a different approach, which may encourage their parents or even grandparents to shun them for being too soft. However, one child psychologist has recently shared a video on Instagram saying that gentle parenting shouldn't be seen as an insult but a compliment.

On February 7, Dr. Martha Deiros Collado who uses the handle @dr.martha.psychologist said that she is often asked: "Are you not worried this soft parenting approach is going to backfire?"

To put it simply, her answer is no, she isn't concerned, and millennials shouldn't be either. During the clip, she says how children want adults to be gentle with them as they are small and vulnerable. Collado told Newsweek about her video that has almost 60,000 views.

She said: "Many millennial parents are trying hard to be parents to their children in a different style to how they were parented. This often includes being empathic, respectful, kind and understanding towards children rather than using force, fear tactics or punishment to 'make them do as they are told.'

"But being a 'gentle' parent is not the same as being a permissive parent. You can be gentle while still holding firm boundaries around behavior that help children learn right from wrong," Collado added.

"A firm and loving boundary is an action that you take as a parent alongside showing empathy and understanding for your child's experience.

"It might sound like: 'It's time to turn the screen off. I know you want to watch more, for today time is up. It is hard... I get it. [switch off the screen and take it away] You can watch more tomorrow.'

"Permissive parenting, on the other hand, would let the child keep watching the screen to stop them from crying and/or make requests for the child without the adult taking responsibility for an appropriate action;e.g. 'Please switch it off? I have asked you 5 times. Come on. Please...'," she added.

During the clip, Collado says that some people fear parents of today are raising children that are "incapable of fitting into society." However, she adds that kids won't turn feral if firm boundaries are put into place.

The video shared on February 7 has received plenty of comments from other parents.

One user wrote: "As an adult I find myself wishing my parents had taught me the things we are now trying to teach children. People say they turned out okay when discussing parenting styles and yet so many lack these skills that soft parenting is teaching."

Another posted: "I've been feeling quite low this week because I felt judged for how we parent. This has reaffirmed to me why we do it and that it's the right way for us."

Indeed, millennials have found their voices and are parenting differently. When raising their children, Gen Xers and Boomers adopted a far stricter parenting style. They frequently encouraged their kids to be "seen but not heard." These days, younger parents wouldn't dream of the way things used to be. Instead, they are committed to teaching their kids how to be empathetic, respectful, and understanding.

Collado told Newsweek: "The most-effective parenting style is one where children are met with love, empathy and respect alongside firm boundaries that keep them and others safe. When children are brought up this way, their brain gets wired for resilience, and they develop healthy emotional regulation.

"This is something most millennial adults and beyond have not developed in childhood and are still working hard now to get to grips with for themselves, let alone their children," Collado said.

"Being able to teach children skills from a place of empathy, respect and skill-based learning rather than punishment and control helps children develop skills better. Our brains do not learn under fear, threat or shame; they shut down," she added.

Collado, the author of How to Be the Grown-Up, said that parents will gain the power to teach their children about emotions once they learn how to regulate their own.

Collado added: "Research has shown time and again that resilience isn't born out of 'tough love'; that is called survival. It is born from a place of security and safety, which allows for coping strategies to be learnt and developed that can then be accessed when challenges arise."

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