Praise as Mom Bans Nieces and Nephews From Playing With Foster Child's Toys

A husband and wife have been praised for refusing to let their family's visiting kids play with a tent full of toys set up in their living room for their 6-year-old foster daughter.

While relatives accused them of "taunting" their nieces and nephews with them, it quickly became apparent they had valid reasons for keeping the toys off limits.

They were laid out in a Reddit post shared by the mom writing as fosterdaughtertent, who explained the toys and tent belong to their foster child, Emily, who has special needs and uses the space as a safe haven when feeling "overwhelmed."

According to a poll of 2,000 parents conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Sleepopolis, children will have over 4,200 arguments with their parents by the time they turn 18.

In the same study, 47 percent of respondents cited "sibling disagreements" as the top cause of arguments in their home. Few things can prove more divisive among kids than the ownership and use of toys with many children struggling with the concept of sharing.

However, in the case of Emily, her foster parents may be justified in refusing to share her toys around. According to the foster mom, writing on Reddit, Emily "gets overwhelmed easily and when she gets overwhelmed she hides."

In the past, this led to problems as she would often cram herself into tight spaces and either be difficult to find or refuse to come out.

To tackle this, they bought her a tent for her to go in "whenever she gets overwhelmed or feels like she has to hide." The foster mom said: "Nobody is allowed in that tent without Emily's permission."

That arrangement suited everyone until Christmas when several nieces and nephews of a similar age came to visit.

"When everyone got here, Emily hid in her tent," the foster mom explained. "We explained to the kids that the tent is Emily's special place and that they are not allowed to go inside or use any of the toys."

While there were other toys for the kids to play with, the foster mom said her family were critical and confused as to why she would "put something so tempting as a tent full of toys in front of their kids then say they're not allowed to use it."

Though she explained that the tent was there to stop Emily "endangering herself," that appeared to fall on deaf ears. At one point, several of her nieces and nephews even tried to go in the tent when Emily was out of the house. That prompted the foster mom to close it up with duct tape.

Some of the family members ended up leaving the Christmas festivities early while others "berated" the foster parents for "taunting" their kids with toys they could not touch.

But despite criticism at home, the family's approach won plaudits online, not least from Juli Henderson, a blogger, writer and voice coach in the arts and disability community who has firsthand experience of caring for a child with special needs.

Her late son, Robert, lived to the age of 18 with a very rare mitochondrial seizure disorder, and required total care for most of his life. Henderson told Newsweek she was "shocked" at the family's reaction to the provisions but applauded the foster family's efforts to care for Emily.

"In my experience with our son and others I have had the privilege to serve or teach, children (and often adults) with disabilities need a place to retreat when their world gets too complicated," she said. "They often need a specific place just for them to quiet themselves when sights and sounds around them are just too stimulating. They deserve that dignity."

She said that it is "not unusual" for extended family members to misunderstand the complexities of caring for someone with special needs and unfortunately educating them will be a "long, sometimes exhausting journey" but it is crucial that they remain focused on what Emily needs.

"It is never the responsibility of the person with disabilities to create accommodations or inclusion so others feel comfortable," Henderson said. "It is up to those of us caring for and loving them to provide that."

There was similar support on social media. One Reddit user, posting as Squinky75 responded bluntly: "Kids can hear the word 'no' without dying. It's a scientific fact." Another, Iataddicted25, who claimed to be a special needs teacher, commented: "I wanted to congratulate you for understanding Emily's needs...do not succumb to your family's tantrums."

Fun-Office-2954, meanwhile, surmised: "You've made a safe space for a special needs child in a way that prevents her from endangering herself." They added: The other kids had other things to play with and lots going on. There's no reason why Emily's tent was harmful to them."

Newsweek reached out to u/fosterdaughtertent for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.