A woman is facing ridicule online for declining her daughter's invitation to a birthday party over a fellow mom's use of an emoji.
The use of emojis—small digital images used to express an emotion or idea—can say a lot about an individual. In fact, a 2016 study published in the academic journal Computers in Human Behavior found people who use emojis tended to be more agreeable, socially receptive and empathetic.
However, little of those qualities appeared present in the reaction of one unhappy mother who took to parenting site Mumsnet posting under the handle FrumptyMumpty to bemoan another parent's use of emojis.
According to the post, her eldest daughter was invited to a party hosted by another parent "where everyone was invited." The woman said: "I don't know this mum, hardly see her to talk to her, but the kids get on so I was going to go."
However, a problem arose over the way in which the host parent responded to the other parents RSVPing for her daughter's party.
The mom was apparently "selectively responding" to the RSVP messages with either a "thumbs up" or "heart" emoji. "I got a thumbs up," the woman said. "Now I'm wondering why I should put myself out when she has outed me as being less equal than half the other mums."
As a result, she now wants to decline the invite. It's a move etiquette expert Diane Gottsman would advise against.
"If the woman is risking the relationship with her daughter, not to mention disappointing the host and hurting the relationship with the child, over a thumbs-up versus a heart emoji, I would say, as an isolated case it's an overreaction," she told Newsweek.
However, Gottsman did acknowledge that, in a certain context, a thumbs-up could be viewed as "insulting or lacking emotion." She said: "It's difficult to read the tone of voice with an emoji and a heart is very specific, whereas a thumbs-up may come across as dismissive. However, at least it wasn't a thumbs-down!"
Ultimately, Gottsman felt an RSVP was always better delivered and responded to "in writing or verbally" to avoid such confusion and that while the woman may be unhappy, her daughter should not be punished for her being "oversensitive" to an emoji.
Others on social media went further though, with one Mumsnet user accusing her of being "ridiculous and unreasonable." Another told the woman "it's not about you" while a third concluded: "I think you're reading a bit too much into emojis here."
A fourth put it in even blunter terms, writing: "Obviously if you don't want to go, don't. But don't decline over a f****** emoji."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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About the writer
Jack Beresford is a Newsweek Senior Internet Culture & Trends Reporter, based in London, UK. His focus is reporting on ... Read more
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