Mom Urged Not to Push Autistic Son, 23, to Move Out: 'Would Hate It'

The internet has urged a mother keen on asking her autistic adult son to move out from the family home to rethink her decision.

The mother wrote on Mumsnet on April 20 about her vulnerable 23-year-old son who also has attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). She added that she wants him to finally spread his wings, but she faced staunch backlash by users on the platform.

"We love him dearly and he's a lovely lad, but I don't know if we are doing him any favors by allowing him to stay at home indefinitely and by writing off any plans of him making a future on his own," the woman wrote.

"He has a job and works very hard but has said that he wouldn't ever want to move out because he doesn't think he would cope well on his own and that he would hate it," she had explained earlier on.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDCP) defines autism spectrum disorder (ASD), commonly abbreviated to autism, as being a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain.

"People with ASD often have problems with social communication and interaction, and restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests. People with ASD may also have different ways of learning, moving, or paying attention," the CDCP writes on its website.

The mother wrote in the post that her adult son doesn't have any friends, and that he spends all his free time with his parents. She added that he doesn't earn much either.

"He seems very unhappy and finds life quite overwhelming at times. He is often subject to being bullied and can be quite vulnerable which has seen him taken advantage of in the past as he's very trusting," the woman wrote.

"We'd be reluctant to leave him alone... he has a lot of anxiety issues and I don't want him to think this isn't his home or we don't want him here. I'd just like him to be happy and I can't believe he's going to be happy with us forever," she added.

Torn between whether her son will be missing out on the opportunity of a social life akin to his peers and developing himself further, or if he's not ready to move out, the mother consulted internet users for their take on the sensitive matter.

What Would an Autism Expert Suggest?

Clinical social worker and vice president of clinical quality at the Carrier Clinic, Mindy Altschul, told Newsweek: "Kudos to the parents for their inclusion and constant caring. Congratulations to them on the incredible accomplishment of their son's employment. The benefit of this community responsibility is such a vital one in an adult's life because work alone is not a sustaining social outlet.

"There are a few steps that they can work on to engage in furthering their son's connections as well as future planning," the behavioral health and autism expert added.

"They have been such incredibly supportive parents and now they need to expand that support to incorporate community resources and the potential for housing, supportive housing, long-term planning," Altschul said.

She added that community resources and organizations exist to support those whose experiences are like that of the man mentioned.

"Some further homework and exploration in their community can be an excellent place to start. The mother also mentions that her son experiences anxiety and that he's very unhappy. Mental-health professionals can be contacted to discuss these concerns, and can be the first connection to community resources as well," Altschul said.

Of the 106 Mumsnet users that responded to u/OnlyABitNosy's post, the vast majority implored her to think twice before pushing her son to move out.

"I think I'd leave it for now. He seems to find things tricky anyway and it seems that independent living might be a step too far for him at the moment," one user commented under the post. "I think you'd have to go very gently anyway, but just because he isn't ready now doesn't mean that he won't ever be ready."

"I'd be looking at this as a very long-term project to build his confidence, life skills and happiness. So look at breaking down these skills and introducing them very gradually," shared another user.

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