Mom Telling In-Laws They Should Have Helped Out for More Grandkids Cheered

A mom who told her in-laws they should have helped out more with her first child if they wanted more grandchildren has been backed online.

She explained her reasoning to Reddit's Am I The A**hole forum, under username u/Awhynsn, with her post made on Monday amassing nearly 7,000 upvotes.

The mom-of-one explained her daughter is now 4, but that her early child-rearing years were so traumatic, she got sterilized to "prevent falling pregnant again."

While she didn't specify where she's based, the average family size in America was 3.13 persons as of last year, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

The sizes of families—defined as a group of two or more people living together related by birth, marriage or adoption—has been steadily falling since the 1960s.

Commenting on the research, and the downward trend, Statista noted: "This is reflected in the decrease of children in family households overall.

"In 1970, about 56 percent of all family households had children under the age of 18 living in the household. This percentage declined to about 40 percent in 2020."

That's reflected in the national birth rate, which stood at 11 births per 1,000 population in 2020 compared to 16.7 in 1990, according to the National Vital Statistics Reports (NVSS.)

Pew Research quizzed 3,866 U.S. adults ages 18 to 49, as part of a wider survey in 2021, and among existing parents, 63 percent responded "they just don't want to have more children."

Some 37 percent cited other factors behind their decision, and of that, 29 percent gave age as a reason, 23 percent said medical reasons, and some 14 percent pointed toward financial constraints.

Already having children, the state of the world, no partner, and their partner not wanting any more kids were among other reasons given.

The chart below, provided by Statista, shows U.S. population projection.

You will find more infographics at Statista

In the post, the mom explained her in-laws were "unhappy" as her husband is their only child, and as such they'll have no more grandchildren.

The 30-year-old was told by her mom-in-law she was "too rash" and she was too "young" to be sterilized.

"They told me it was unfair. That I was wrong. They deserve more grandkids," she wrote.

In the post she explained why she took the medical step, explaining that her daughter, a "much wanted and very planned baby," was difficult during her first 18 months.

"She was diagnosed as being a high needs baby and that is underplaying it. She never stopped crying and there was no clear cause," she said.

Explaining more about the rigors of a high-needs baby, website Healthline—which stressed the term isn't a medical diagnosis—confirmed the tough traits generally dissipate as children get older.

But parents can face sleeplessness as their baby won't nap, has separation anxiety, can't sleep alone, hates car rides, can't relax or self-soothe, dislikes overstimulation, doesn't even seem satisfied and won't stick to a daily routine.

The mom claimed "no one" wanted to babysit due to her daughter's incessant screams—including her in-laws.

The mom said: "My ILs were around and they would leave because it bothered them so much to hear her like that. A few times they would tell me to stress less."

She continued: "It was exhausting. It got so bad my husband lost his job because he was showing up to work exhausted and unable to function. I was unable to function. I would hear her cries in my sleep."

As her daughter got older, the crying stopped, as the mom admitted: "After our daughter though, I could not stand the thought of experiencing that again.

"My ILs do not go after my husband like this, I guess because he's not the one who sterilized himself. But I said what I did because it's true."

She later explained her mom-in-law was unable medically to have any more children after her husband.

"They were no help to us and they don't owe us that, but with them demanding more grandkids from me, they should be willing to face up to the fact they were no help when we needed it the most.

"They are mad. My husband told them I was right. But they claim I had no right to say that to them. I never normally would which is making me doubt myself," she wondered.

People on the forum sided with the mom, claiming it was her decision whether or not to have more children.

The top comment, from RabbitOfCaerbonnog, which can be read here, racked up 9,000 upvotes alone.

It said: "NTA. If they wanted more grandkids they should've had more children. Your decisions to have children is between you and your husband. They are your husband's parents and therefore he should be intervening and telling them to quit with the horseshit. The more complaining they do towards you is merely building a wall between you and them brick by brick."

DrPups wrote: "I don't even care how many kids they had or how much they helped with the child you had it's not their choice to make. Period. NTA!!"

Lookonnature added: "THIS. 100%. Not their decision. Not. At. All. Full stop. You are NTA in any way, and your inlaws are WAY over the line."

Newsweek reached out to u/Awhynsn for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.