Americans Are Unhappy With the Number of Children They Have

While most Americans won't say they regret having the number of children they have, their thoughts on what is ideal rarely matches their own family's size, a new survey from Gallup found.

When divided into subgroups by family size, only the majority of parents who had two children, at 54 percent, believed their family size was ideal. But there was regret in every other family group, as Americans revealed they did not think their family size was best.

While those with large families are more likely than other groups to say four or more children is best (43 percent), a larger number, 49 percent, admitted they believed between one and three children is ideal.

Notably, there was no sizable difference between men and women when it came to their views on ideal family size. However, the younger respondents were, the more likely they saw three or more children as ideal. The same was true for Black, Hispanic and Republican adults in America.

Economic Reality of Large Families

While Americans have been increasingly likely to say larger families are preferable since late 2007, birth rates in the United States continue to decline.

Factors such as economics or the ability to find a suitable partner might be preventing them from bringing their ideal families to fruition. Only 2 percent of adults surveyed said they believed the ideal family did not include any children at all.

But roughly 31 percent of U.S. adults do not have any children, and if current birth rates continue, there could be long-standing impact.

In 2020, researchers at the University of Washington's Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation predicted that the global fertility rate would hit below 1.7 by the end of the century. That could lead to an array of social problems as the number of elderly skyrockets far past the number of children, young and middle-aged adults.

"U.S. fertility rates are likely to be considerably below replacement levels for the foreseeable future," a Brookings Institution analysis found. "This is driven by more than a decade of falling birth rates and declining births at all ages for multiple cohorts of women, not simply the aftermath of the pandemic-induced reduction in births."

Child Free in 2023

While they might not make up the majority, some adults are vetoing the traditional family unit altogether and going child free by choice.

While climate change and the reality of paying for children are typically cited as the major reasons for the dwindling birth rate, some choose a child-free lifestyle solely for the independence it offers.

In a survey from The Harris Poll, roughly half of U.S. adults said they did not want to have a child in the future.

While some did acknowledge fears over climate change were in part responsible, it was not a majority at just 28 percent. Likewise, only 33 percent of respondents said housing prices affected their decision about having children in the future.

Larger reasons included Americans' personal financial situation (46 percent) and concerns over the work-life balance difficulties that arise from having children (40 percent).

Still, all of those reasons paled in comparison to the top one: 54 percent of Americans who don't want kids said maintaining their independence influenced their decision, more than any other factor.

Regret Having Children

Beyond the group that feels having children is not part of their future is a select few who will utter a few taboo words aloud: "I regret having children."

According to a 2021 study published in PLOS ONE covering the United States and Europe, somewhere between 8 percent and 17 percent of parents regret having children.

In an Ask Women subspace on Reddit, some mothers came forward with their true but often hidden views on motherhood.

"I regret having children because of what's going on in the world," one user wrote. "I feel a SEVERE feeling of doom and anxiety when I think about her future. She will probably never be able to afford a house, will struggle with debt, climate change, scarce resources, growing inequality. I am truly terrified."

Others had more personal reasons for their regret.

"I really do sometimes enjoy my son," another mother wrote. "But having him has tied me to an abuser for the next 14.5 years. He still gets to abuse me."

"Coping? I'm ignoring the problem and hoping I don't come to resent my son," another said.

Others acknowledged that generational trauma played a role in their parenting decisions, leading to regret over having children.

"I traumatized my kids by my ignorance and I can keep trying to learn and grow. And help them," a Reddit user said. "But damage is done. And I wish I could go back and fix me so I could help them but I can't. I will always support them and when they want to yell at me in 10 years for everything and shut me out. I will get it."

Still, the regret is relatively unspoken in public spaces.

A recent YouGov poll showed that 28 percent of U.S. adults believe parents very often or somewhat often regret having children, while 53 percent believed parents regret their decision not very often or not often at all.