I Thought I Had PTSD. A Shock Diagnosis Changed Everything

I'll never forget the day I mustered the courage to tell my wife about my decision to leave the exhausting world of ICU and jump into private practice.

I was burning the candle at both ends, working 80-hour weeks on night shifts at a large hospital and yearning for a change. My passion for hormone replacement research, ahead of the "testosterone replacement" trend, was pushing me to take a leap.

Sitting there, heart racing, I spilled my plans, mixing humor and emotion, hoping to convey my determination. I shared my inner struggles, the exhaustion, and the burning desire to focus on meaningful research and patient care outside the hospital grind. It was a huge risk, but one I believed in.

Her reaction was a whirlwind; a mix of surprise, concern, and maybe a dash of disbelief.

Yet, I could see a glimmer of support and understanding in her eyes. Looking back, that conversation marked the beginning of an uncharted journey, a risky move that ultimately led to more fulfilling work and shared growth.

Recalling that moment, I'm reminded of the power of chasing one's passion and taking calculated risks. It wasn't just a conversation; it was a turning point that set us on a new course together.

My Hypogonadism Journey

Back in 2006, after a run-in with a traumatic brain injury during my time in the military, I unwittingly unlocked the joys of hypogonadism, a condition that meant my testicles did not produce enough testosterone. What a surprise party that was!

But trying to find a doctor to take my symptoms seriously was like hunting for a unicorn in a desert. Apparently, being on the youthful side meant I had a better chance of spotting Bigfoot than finding a decent specialist, especially within Virginia's medical maze.

So, I did what any brave soul would: I decided to become my own endocrinology and reproductive physiology detective.

There I was, a walking shadow of my former self, like a low-energy zombie with a knack for feeling blue. Motivation? Pfft, that was like a mythical creature lost in the Bermuda Triangle of my mind.

Yep, hypogonadism wasn't just a tongue-twister, it was the grand puppeteer controlling my mood, energy, and zest for life—or lack thereof.

Living with this hormonal hiccup was like being trapped in a never-ending game of emotional roulette. But hey, every cloud has a silver lining, right? It was this rollercoaster of an experience that propelled me into the realm of endocrinology and reproductive physiology.

Entering the World of Medicine

By 2008, I had left behind the military and embraced my new role as a parent. The quest for a fulfilling career led me to medicine, a field that resonated due to my family's background and my personal desire to make a difference.

Swapping combat boots for a white coat might seem like an odd transition, but it was a natural evolution driven by a deep calling.

Transitioning from the structured military world to the medical realm wasn't without its challenges. Doubts crept in, and I wondered if I could truly pivot from following orders to writing prescriptions.

Yet, with determination, I dove into medical school, humor in tow, equating textbooks to my new set of armor. I gained my FNP license from the University of Oklahoma, followed by a PhD in endocrinology and reproductive physiology.

Looking back, that decision was transformative. It was like stepping onto a new battlefield, one where empathy and knowledge were my weapons. Armed with compassion and camaraderie, I embarked on a journey that blended my family's legacy with my own aspirations.

Today, as I reflect on the path that led me here, I'm reminded that the leap from military life to medicine wasn't just a career shift—it was a pursuit of fulfillment, driven by the joy of helping others in a different, profound way.

In 2015 I thought it'd be a grand idea to juggle starting my own private practice with working 80-hour weeks in the ICU. What could possibly go wrong, right?

Let's just say, if sleep were a stock, I'd have been broke. The bills were as persistent as telemarketers during dinnertime, so I found myself in this absurd tango between saving lives in the ICU and attempting to breathe life into my own practice.

Imagine this scene: Me, frazzled beyond belief, feeling like a character straight out of a sitcom episode where chaos reigns supreme. If I wasn't expertly diagnosing patients in the ICU, I was navigating the perplexing world of tax codes and marketing strategies for my new venture.

It was like having two full-time jobs—one involving stethoscopes and the other involving spreadsheets. But hey, who needs sleep anyway? My motto became "Sleep is for the weak... or for normal people."

Amidst the chaos and the blurry days, there was this undeniable sense of determination brewing within me. Sure, my life resembled a circus act with too many plates spinning, but deep down, I had this gut feeling that all the juggling would eventually lead to something magical. And you know what? It did.

Two years later, prior to the era dominated by the COVID-19 pandemic, I embarked on a pioneering journey by establishing the very first telemedicine clinic exclusively dedicated to hormone replacement therapy.

The endeavor was fueled by a passion for providing specialized care in an innovative manner. Looking back, the emotional rollercoaster I experienced during this period was undeniable.

Navigating uncharted territory in the world of telemedicine was akin to taming a tempestuous sea, yet the determination to offer transformative care drove me forward.

My Myalgic Encephalomyelitis Diagnosis

Amid the professional triumphs and challenges, a personal revelation struck me in 2019.

Despite attributing my struggles to the demands of work and the specter of PTSD, I discovered that I had been unknowingly grappling with myalgic encephalomyelitis, also known as chronic fatigue syndrome—a condition that had long eluded diagnosis.

It was as if life was playing a cosmic prank, revealing the true nature of my ailment after years of assumption. In this realization, the emergence of ketamine therapy as a potential treatment avenue added a new layer to the narrative.

I can recall the profound sense of vulnerability and relief that surged within me in 2019. The façade of composure I had worn for years, masked behind the notion of PTSD and sheer determination, crumbled.

It was a moment of unfiltered honesty with myself, acknowledging that seeking help was not a sign of weakness but a testament to resilience.

Trying Ketamine Therapy

The first whispers of ketamine reached me through the experiences of my special operations patients, those brave souls battling the relentless demons of PTSD and treatment-resistant depression.

Their stories painted ketamine as more than a compound—it was a lifeline, a glimmer of hope amidst the darkest of battles. Intrigued, and perhaps somewhat desperate, I embarked on my own journey with this unconventional treatment.

Little did I know, this leap of faith would become a pivotal moment that would forever alter the course of my life.

Ketamine therapy offers a unique approach to treating various mental health conditions, particularly treatment-resistant depression and certain anxiety disorders. Administered in a controlled medical setting, ketamine is usually delivered through intravenous (IV) infusions or oral medications. The therapy typically involves a series of sessions spaced out over a defined period.

During a session, patients are closely monitored by medical professionals. The dosage is carefully calibrated to induce a dissociative state, where patients may experience altered perceptions and sensations. This state is temporary and generally lasts for a short duration. Importantly, the dissociative effects are not the primary goal of the therapy; instead, they are considered a side effect of the treatment process.

Ketamine's mechanism of action in alleviating depression and other mental health conditions is not fully understood, but it's believed to involve interactions with certain neurotransmitter systems in the brain.

Many patients report experiencing a noticeable improvement in mood and reduction in symptoms after a series of ketamine therapy sessions. However, it's worth noting that the effects can vary from person to person, and the therapy is typically used as a complementary or alternative approach when other treatments have been ineffective.

For me, ketamine's impact was akin to the transformation I had witnessed in the world of testosterone replacement therapy. It was as if I had stumbled upon a hidden realm of possibilities, a realm that held the key to reclaiming functionality and vitality.

The weight that had kept me grounded, a shadow of my former self, started to lift. It's a sentiment that goes beyond words—that sense of returning to life's stage after a long, disorienting intermission.

With every infusion, I felt like I was stepping back into the rhythm of my own life, a rhythm that had been muffled by the clamor of my struggles.

The whispers of my patients had led me to this pivotal crossroads, and now, the symphony of ketamine was orchestrating a comeback I hadn't thought possible.

It was as if the universe was nudging me, reminding me that life's chapters are never truly closed—some just require a bit of a rewrite, a dash of innovation, and the courage to take a chance on something different.

Remarkable improvements began to surface within a mere 60-day span following the commencement of ketamine therapy. The contrast between my prior state of being, wherein even the act of getting out of bed was an insurmountable endeavor, and my transformed condition was both astonishing and liberating.

The effects of the therapy extended far beyond my mental health, distinctly impacting my physical well-being in ways that I had never anticipated.

If my past self were to encounter my present reality, they might wonder if they had stumbled upon an alternate dimension. The concept of emerging from the confines of my own mind to engage with the world anew seemed akin to a whimsical tale.

Yet, here I stand, a living testament to the profound capacity for change that resides within the realms of modern medical interventions. The journey from immobilizing depths to a renewed vigor has gifted me a perspective enriched by both gratitude and wonder, underscoring the intricate dance between mental and physical vitality.

Through humor, I now reflect on my journey—from pioneering telemedicine paths to confronting personal health challenges—as a testament to the power of innovation and the unwavering human spirit in the face of adversity.

I strongly advocate for patients to consider exploring ketamine therapy under the vigilant supervision of a qualified physician. While recognizing the diverse nature of individual responses to treatments, it's paramount to acknowledge the robust body of data and research that underscores the compelling outcomes associated with ketamine therapy.

As a practitioner who has traversed this transformative journey, I am driven by a profound belief in its potential to effect positive change, even as I recognize that individual experiences may vary.

The decision to embark on ketamine therapy is one that merits careful consideration, guided by open communication with a medical professional well-versed in the nuances of the treatment.

The confluence of scientific evidence and the narratives of those who have benefitted underscores the potential for meaningful transformation.

With an empathetic understanding of the complexities involved, I encourage individuals to embark on this journey with a sense of cautious optimism, cognizant of the possibility that this therapeutic avenue might hold the key to a renewed quality of life.

Dr. Bryan Henry is a nurse practitioner specialist with a PhD in endocrinology and reproductive physiology. He is the president of online HRT clinic Peter MD.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's My Turn associate editor, Monica Greep.

Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com.