Reason Gen-Z Son Was Excluded from Family Vacation Abroad Sparks Fury

A parent who excluded their son from a family trip because he allegedly didn't respond in time has received a storm of criticism on Reddit.

In a post shared this week on Reddit's Am I The A***** *(AITA) subforum, user Alarming_Ebb3027 said their 20-year-old son Ollie was contacted via email on Friday, followed by a phone call on Sunday, asking whether he would like to join a family trip to the Cook Islands. The son allegedly did not answer the call.

The poster later told the son that "he's not coming on vacation because he didn't check his emails."

The son later texted saying he wanted to go but the parent told him: "Too late. Already bought the tickets. Next time check your email or answer your f****** phone."

The son said "most people communicate on text" and the parent replied "well most people don't get to go to the Cook Islands."

Is the poster being too harsh on their child? Or should the son have responded sooner?

Tasha M. Brown, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York state, told Newsweek that the poster's "rigid approach to this situation has the potential to harm the relationship." She said it sounds like the poster and their son "would benefit from the quality time this vacation would allow."

It's no surprise that the son in the latest post appears to prefer texting because the lives of those from Generation Z (those born roughly between 1996 and 2012) are "inherently connected" to the digital world, according to a recent study.

The study published in 2020 by The Center for Generational Kinetics and commissioned by WP Engine found that Generation Z spends more time on the internet and is more dependent on it than any other generation.

However, despite this strong tie with the digital world, Generation Z's preferred type of communication is "in person," according to research by Roberta Katz, a senior research scholar at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University. The findings of the research are outlined in the book Gen Z, Explained: The Art of Living in a Digital Age, released in 2021.

In a January 2022 interview with Stanford, Katz said that when those surveyed were asked about what type of communication they liked best, "We expected the interviewees to respond with their favorite type of digital communication–e.g., text, email, chat group, DM, FaceTime, Skype, etc.–but instead nearly every single person said their favorite form of communication was 'in person.'"

The parent in the latest Reddit post said they were planning a family Thanksgiving vacation and "a really good deal came up" for a trip to the Cook Islands. The poster contacted Ollie about it before booking his spot because "he's in college and I'm not wasting money on a ticket if he didn't want to go."

The poster needed an answer soon because they needed to get visas for their three other sons, who are aged 16, 11 and 8.

"Now his mom/my ex is trying to tell me that he's Gen Z and text is their primary communication format. Had I texted him, then he would had responded. I said I don't care. I'm well in my 40s and check my ALL of my communication formats because I don't want to miss anything," the poster said.

'Classic Example of Generational Differences'

Psychologist Brown, who is the director and founder of TMB Psychological Services, explained that for many parents and their teenage/young adult teenage children, "communication is a huge stressor in the relationship and very often leads to conflict."

She said the case in the latest Reddit post is "a classic example of generational differences in communication style," noting that it's important for parents and children to have conversations about "preferred methods of communication."

She explained: "Both parties would then have the opportunity to accommodate each other when it comes to communicating important things like life events, emergencies, and general conversation that will keep their relationship strong and each other updated on the important moments in life."

Brown said the child is going to "miss out" on this trip because he and the parent "lack effective communication" and the parent is "unwilling to accommodate for the difference in communication style."

'Etiquette' and 'Entitlement'

The latest post has sparked debate among users on Reddit.

User 4wwn4h said: "YTA [you're the a******] ...I have a daughter of similar age, and her communication 'etiquette' or lack of drives me mad—but there is no way I would leave her out of a family holiday."

TheOGPotatoPredator said: "YTA for not only not following up with your kid by text but also for digging your heels in over something that is dumb af [as f***]. Most of the entire world uses texts as the main form of communication and that goes double if you need an answer in less than two days."

ItsTimeToGoSleep wrote: "YTA. It would have taken all of what? 15 seconds? To shoot a quick text. Find a better excuse."

Others defended the parent in the latest post, such as Saltisimo who said: "NTA [not the a*****]. The entitlement in this thread reeks."

IAmJamieLeeOk wrote: "NTA. You called and emailed him. Is emailing not just a form of texting?! Screw that generational BS [bull****] excuse. Your parent is contacting you, answer the damn phone or miss out. Literally so many kids don't even get the opportunity to go on family vacations let alone fly somewhere."

Linux4ever_Leo noted: "No, not TAH [the a******]. Your son doesn't get a pass because he's Gen Z and he prefers to communicate primarily by text. The world doesn't revolve around him. If he couldn't be bothered to check his e-mail or voicemail or answer his phone then that's his fault..."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.

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