A mom on Reddit has come under criticism after revealing that she is forcing her teenage daughter to learn sign language after remarrying a man with a 7-year-old child who is deaf—or leave.
The Gallaudet Research Institute estimates that between 9 and 22 out of every 1,000 people in the United States have a severe hearing impairment or are deaf. Hearing loss, especially from a young age, can have a profound impact on an individual's well-being and can leave them feeling isolated and struggling to express themselves. It's estimated that as many as 500,000 Americans communicate via American Sign Language.
Writing in a post shared on the Am I The A****** subreddit under the handle u/Smart_Palpitation147, the woman revealed the extreme measures she has taken to try and encourage her 17-year-old daughter to learn ASL after she remarried a man with a deaf 7-year-old daughter.
"She doesn't like my husband and step daughter," the woman wrote. "She is not outwardly rude, but basically ignores their existence."
Though the woman has learned ASL in order to better communicate with her stepdaughter, her own daughter "never made an effort." The Redditor said this was okay at first, but in recent months, they have been paying the teen to watch the 7-year-old while they are out. As a result, the woman now wants her daughter to learn sign language.
"In my opinion, since she is now spending time in which she is responsible for a young child, she needs to learn at least basic communication," she said. Unfortunately, the daughter has refused, telling her mom she is "not responsible" for her deciding to "be in the life of a disabled child."
The teen's stance has become the source of tension, with the woman revealing her new husband has told her he feels "uncomfortable" over her daughter being "so cold" around his child and refusal to make "the most basic effort" to the point where he is even "considering divorce."
As a result, the woman has finally put her "foot down" on the matter. "I told my daughter that we have a disabled person living in our household for the foreseeable future, and if she wants to live here for college (graduating next month), she has to at least learn basic ASL," she said, describing it as a decision made "for the sake of safety and basic decency."
The mom clarified that her daughter would be living in a dorm at college and that she would pay for the housing.
The woman's hardline stance drew criticism, not least from Kyle Kunkel, a licensed clinical professional counselor based at Thriveworks in Baltimore, who specializes in behavioral issues, self-esteem, and life transition. She urged the mom to "hire an ASL babysitter" rather than put pressure on her daughter.
"Babysitting is not a 'most basic effort' to assume on a child based on adults' choices. Allow the space to find out, in an empathetic way, all viewpoints," Kunkel told Newsweek. She called for the mom to take a more measured approach to the conflict.
"Do not engage in this conversation if threats or charged emotions are the driving force- these only lead to unhealthy ultimatums," Kunkel said. "Allow the emotion to have its space and respond when the brain can think through the emotion and the effects of the response. This allows for thoughtful problem-solving through effective communication and conflict resolution."
Kunkel added: "One child cannot 'matter' more than the other. Each child's experience is just as real as the other. Prevent bending the way you want them to interact, and allow the space for them to interact organically. As long as no child is malicious, hurtful, harmful, there are no clinically indicated damages or dangers to either's social-emotional development."
Some on Reddit were particularly critical of the husband's threats of divorce.
"Instead of talking and asking your daughter how she feels, or consider a different babysitter he pulls out the nuclear option to your relationship," one Redditor wrote. "What did both adults expect?" another asked. "You can't exclude a human being from those events and expect them to be happy with everything."
A third commenter meanwhile, surmised events from the perspective of the teenage daughter: "Learn a whole language to interact with someone I'm forcing you to care about, this is the only way you can still stay at your home that you've been at for longer."
Newsweek reached out to u/Smart_Palpitation147 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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Updated 4:45 ET 6/1/2023 - The original version misidentified Kunkel as a man rather than a woman
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Jack Beresford is a Newsweek Senior Internet Culture & Trends Reporter, based in London, UK. His focus is reporting on ... Read more
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