I'm a Jeffrey Epstein Survivor. The Documents Are an Opportunity

In 2002 I made a decision to transfer from massage therapy school in Ohio to one in Los Angeles. I was attending school in LA full-time while simultaneously working at the school full-time. I felt as though I practically lived there.

One day while working, another female student approached me with what she presented as a job opportunity.

It was the commencement of the grooming process that would result in me walking myself to the home of Jeffrey Epstein under fraudulent intentions, conditions, and under the guise of a job interview as a traveling massage therapist.

That fellow student, Eloisa DeLaurentiis, connected me with Sarah Kellen, who, unbeknownst to me, was Epstein's assistant at the time.

Sarah and I met at the beach, and she shared a dream come true type scenario of a traveling massage therapy position. World travel, highest and best education, private jets and chefs, and a wonderful boss, Ms. Maxwell.

Sarah had the perfect answer to every question I raised. I had no level of impression or understanding that I was being groomed and Sarah had completed her grooming role seamlessly.

A short time later, off I went. I was flown across the country from LA to New York City to meet and interview with my potential new boss, Ms. Maxwell. My comfort and safety were ensured each step of the way. I met Ghislaine Maxwell in her beautiful NYC home.

Maxwell was pleasant, friendly, intelligent, welcoming, and seemed genuinely interested in me and my life. We spoke, shared stories, and I gave her a massage, i.e., I interviewed with her for the traveling massage therapy position.

I felt comfortable, safe, welcomed, and thrilled that it all seemed to be going so well. I viewed Maxwell as someone I would be happy to work for and projected a beautiful, balanced, and exhilarating career ahead of me.

Nearing the end of my time with Maxwell, yet another woman who successfully crafted and put me through the grooming process, she told me that I would meet with her partner, Jeffrey.

This raised enough alarm in me to ask some questions because at no point in time, from that day at school/work, had I heard of Jeffrey Epstein.

However, my questions were perfectly and precisely answered, and because Maxwell had developed and instilled a sense of trustworthiness, I was eager to meet him and seal the deal on my new traveling massage therapist position.

At this young point in my life, I truly believed that people were able to reach such success because they were hardworking good people. That is the example I grew up with from my own father.

I walked to Epstein's home. Maxwell was right, it was stunning. That evening, I met Epstein and his personal chef. Epstein was still eating his dinner when I arrived. I was welcomed into the kitchen where Epstein, the chef, and I had easy lighthearted conversation. Epstein was polite, charming, charismatic, and respectful. We spoke, joked, and laughed until he was finished eating.

Afterward, Epstein said we would carry on the conversation and interview in his office. He asked me if I wanted to take the stairs or elevator. After joking with him about having an elevator in his home, I chose the stairs.

Once we entered this magnificent space he called his office, he showed me a slew of framed photos of famous and powerful people. After which, we sat down, and proceeded to enter what I believed to be the beginning of the interview.

Epstein asked many questions about me and my life. Throughout the conversation, his behavior changed, and my world flipped in a dash. I ran out and away from a man who had just sexually assaulted me. I did not go back.

The aftermath was immense terror, confusion, and a crippling amount of self-blame and shame. I was flown back to LA the next day and told no one about what happened. I was devastated internally, and it was exhibited outwardly in my daily life.

I spiraled into darkness and spent several years living my life in a completely broken place.

Over five years later, by the grace of God, my life was saved by a beautiful baby boy I have the honor to call my son. Becoming a mom cultivated so much value back into my life and greatly shifted my focus.

Healing is a journey that ebbs and flows with countless peaks and valleys. When you break through a layer, you realize how many more layers you have yet to go. Sometimes you have no choice but to stop and rest.

And, whether you choose it or like it or not, there are the endless reminders.

Enter the release of documents and the surrounding media frenzy. It feels like a whirlwind and an opportunity to dive into additional layers. I say opportunity because it can eat you alive if you do not face it head-on, at least for me.

It can feel isolating and be quite challenging and yet I am determined to catalyze change and make something good out of it. With destruction comes the opportunity to rebuild even stronger.

What I feel the public fails to understand is that Epstein, Maxwell, and others, operated from a place of pure intent to manipulate and monopolize. They are masters of it. Their malice is calculated and only self-serving.

I and the other women—hundreds? thousands?—did not freely choose our outcomes and time with them. Survivors who spent a single day, weeks, or years with Epstein did not choose it for themselves.

They were there by force, fraud, coercion, and trauma bonds. Our vulnerabilities were studied and exploited. Each of us was groomed.

The world is full of corruption and Epstein is an example of an individual that had the ability to breed it en masse throughout elite society.

These people, the names that are surfacing to public view—some chose the perversion and abuse of their positions of power. They all had a choice to make. Of them, some chose in such a manner that is a disgrace to humanity.

My perspective of justice is still being outlined. I cannot be sure if I will ever feel that justice has been achieved regarding Epstein, because how could I really? Maxwell being convicted and imprisoned for her horrendous role is a leading step on the path to justice. She created her outcome and is where she should be—without freedom.

What I believe will be further significant is twofold. Others' impunity to cease and be held accountable, and for the world to get just as emotionally and strategically committed to eradicating sex trafficking and exploitation as they are gripped by the "Breaking News" extravaganza.

In the United States of America, we had around 360,000 children reported missing in 2022 alone, per FBI data, many of whom will be exploited; over 128,000 innocent and unaccompanied minors ushered through our borders in 2022, per the HHS, who are at risk of sex trafficking; and an epidemic of online grooming and exploitation of children—all while their parents are often at home with them.

Justice may be conceptualized when the world is free of abuse and exploitation and full of dignity and love for all.

Teresa Helm is the Survivor Services Coordinator for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, the leading national non-partisan organization exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation such as child sexual abuse, prostitution, sex trafficking and the public health harms of pornography. On X: @NCOSE.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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