Thanksgiving is almost here, and with it comes the inevitable stress of seeing your crazy extended family, braving the crowds on Black Friday and being forced to eat green bean casserole just to be polite. You could use something to lighten the mood.
Well, then you can be thankful for Newsweek, because we've rounded up the best Thanksgiving jokes the internet has to offer.
Related: Stretchy Stuffing Pants are Ideal Thanksgiving Trousers and a Fashion Nightmare
There's comedian Kevin James, for example, saying, "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day for my pants." And Johnny Carson, who once argued that Thanksgiving is so emotional because "people travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year—and then discover once a year is way too often." Or Erma Bombeck, who joked that Thanksgiving dinners are typically eaten in 12 minutes—the exact length of a football game's halftime.
Even presidents get in on the fun. As Barack Obama's term was winding down, he started intentionally embarrassing his daughters, Malia and Sasha, with his terrible Thanksgiving puns at turkey pardon ceremonies. Obama bragged that economic indicators were "worth gobbling about," and made a play on his campaign slogan—"yes we cran." Last year, he gave a nod to the turkeys who didn't get pardoned and therefore "didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom."
Here's another delicious Thanksgiving joke! What do you call fake sweet potatoes? A yam scam! Ahhhh! #WockaWocka!
— Fozzie Bear (@FozzieBear) November 20, 2017
If you're rolling your eyes, keep reading. Here are several other kid- and adult-friendly jokes collected from Boys Life, Reader's Digest and Jokes4Us:
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field.
Q: Why was the Thanksgiving dinner so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots.
Q: What did the turkey say to the bird hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
A: Quack, quack.
When Lawyers get involved during Thanksgiving...hahaha. #lawyerhumor #thanksgivingjoke #attorney #familylaw #lawpractice #orangecountylawpractice pic.twitter.com/5SRO2Jlgib
— John (Tripp) (@johnhsmithIII) November 20, 2017
Q: Which side of the turkey has more feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: Why did the turkey get arrested?
A: The police suspected him of fowl play.
Q: What sound does a turkey with a limp make?
A: Wobble, wobble.
Starting this Thanksgiving week with a good dad joke. #MondayMotivaton pic.twitter.com/lv10jEYDUN
— Christie (@Christie_D22) November 20, 2017
Q: How do we know the Mayflower liked America?
A: It hugged the shore.
Q: What did the turkey say before it went in the oven?
A: Man, I'm stuffed.
Q: Why were the cranberries red?
A: They saw the turkey dressing.
Hey my friend @mitra_farmand ‘s cartoon is in the New Yorker this week! #thanksgivingcartoon #haha #turkeyhand #kidsholiday #comicart #cartoon pic.twitter.com/YHfCCNnlQM
— KarinsBarefootBooks (@KarinsBarefoot) November 20, 2017
Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, what does a turkey come from?
A: A poul-tree.
Q: What do you call a turkey on the run?
A: Fast food.
Thanksgiving#bar #napkin #cartoon #barnapkin #barnapkincartoon #Canada #Canadian #CanadianThanksgiving pic.twitter.com/VaToTd92p4
— SlightlyMorePleasant (@NapkinCartoons) October 10, 2017
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Julia Glum joined IBT Media in October 2014 as a breaking news reporter specializing in youth affairs.
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