I have had my faith in Congress restored by the bipartisan—yes, I said bipartisan—effort to end TikTok's reign as the primary tool of American idiocracy.
(SPOILER ALERT: Idiocracy is a Mike Judge movie in which Americans get so dumb, because of our lifestyle choices, that we water our crops with Gatorade. Hilarity ensues, as well as an encroaching famine.)
Big government is trying to make life better for all of us, even if it doesn't know it.
It's true that the House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly to take the micro-video app out of app stores because it is owned by a Chinese company called ByteDance. All data collected by Chinese companies is easily accessible to the Chinese government by law. It is also true that the measure calls for ByteDance to sell TikTok within six months or face the consequences, rather than banning the site.
Still, this is a step in the right direction, even if it's not quite what we in the media are making it out to be.
I think it would be wonderful if we put a stop to this Great Chinese Information Grab, but that's not why I'm so happy with Congress. No, what thrills me is that if TikTok is banned, people may get just that little bit less stupid.
TikTok—like most social media—caters to our basest selves, or at least our stupidest. Let your gaze linger a nano-second too long on a fluffy guinea pig and all you're going to see from now on are fluffy guinea pigs. I don't think I could stop myself from spending that fraction of a second on something that cute, so how can I expect it of anyone else?
Sure, we could all use a getaway from the reality of a divided United States, global warming, Donald Trump—or Joe Biden if that's your flavor of dislike—6-year-olds going through active-shooter drills in their elementary schools, plastic in every bite you eat, your in-law of choice coming to stay for a while. Maybe a guinea pig or two could ease the pain.
Fair enough, but your mind can't thrive on a diet of guinea pigs, baby goats, and sexy or silly dances. Sure, it can live, but that isn't the same thing.
You argue that there is good stuff on there, too. Thoughtful people saying thoughtful things about the world that matter. OK, but that's not what people go to TikTok for. If someone can change that, great, but in the meantime, recent TikTok trends include:
- Putting diaper cream on your face
- Eating laundry products
- Jumping in front of trucks
- Making a video about stupid things you regret
- Cute animals doing cute things
- And always—always—synchronized dancing
I wish I could complain that it's just kids that curl up on the couch for hours, ever-shortening their attention spans by scrolling through endless "content." But I can't. As I'm trying to fall asleep, I distract my tired self with this stuff, too. It doesn't help with the sleep, or anything else.
For just 15 precious minutes a day, I become dumber all year long. And so do you.
All the things that we're trying to escape from are still there, however many scurrying furry things we watch. And, good lord, do we need to be smart to get out of the various situations we've painted ourselves into. We can't all become Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, president of Judge's Idiocracy. Someone has to pay the bills. Someone has to point out that water might be better for plants than a green sports drink.
Someone...
TikTok, and our inability to escape it, make a powerful case for the nanny state to spank us and make us the better people that maybe we can be. It doesn't matter why they're voting the way they're voting. What matters is the result.
So, will the Senate forge this same brave path away from our own ridiculous destruction?
Maybe.
Will President Biden get behind this TikTok ban?
Well, it depends on how he feels about losing this election. Imagine the homepage of your local news site—if people still read it. "President Biden, age 1 billion, takes away all the fun from 170 million Americans."
Awesome.
OK, a meaningful ban probably ain't gonna happen. It won't pass, ByteDance will sell, people will quickly learn how to use a VPN, and there are Reels in the wings, along with the next big (better?) thing, but when the American mind is at stake, you take what you can get.
Jason Fields is a deputy opinion editor at Newsweek.
The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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