In his popular blog Advanced Style, photographer Ari Seth Cohen chronicles the sartorial selections of stylish seniors. But in his new book, Advanced Love, Cohen looks at older coulples, digging into what makes their relationships work.
There are straight pairs, gay pairs, gender-nonconforming pairs. Some have been together only a few years, others more than a half-century. What links them all, though, is the belief that love overcomes. And that growing older doesn't mean growing stale.
"What was especially helpful for my own relationship was hearing each couple speak honestly about the ups and downs of a long-lasting relationship," Cohen tells Newsweek. "It's that imperfect and ever-shifting quality to enduring love that makes these relationships so complex and so special.... I am so grateful to have so much free relationship counseling and advice!"
Four things Ari Seth Cohen learned from the couples featured in Advanced Love:
1. Having to be right is a disease.
2. Don't yell at another unless the house is on fire.
3. Like is equally as important as love.
4. Forgiveness and empathy are key to a long-lasting love.
Through interviews and sumptuous photos, these couples recount falling in love, reveal what has kept them together, and offer valuable relationship advice they have for the next generations.
Mort & Ginny, together 55 years
"Ginny says the secret is to always be extra nice to each other."
Nikki & Martin, together three years
"Love in later life is proving much less painful and dramatic than I remember from my youth. Not so many dizzy highs and lows. No anguish or heartache. Just a deeply comforting sense of warmth and well-being."
Tess & Erika, first met 33 years ago
"We all have this fantasy of romantic love, but in reality it takes a lot of effort. Erika and I are interdependent and need one another. We have both been through so much, we both ran from love for so long, but our love heals the hurt and the wounds."
Richie & Lee, together 14 years
"I had a past that wasn't so fun, and I wasn't going to get into the wrong thing again. But she's just easy to be with and anything makes her happy. What more could you want?"
Marsha Music & David Philpot, together eight years
"Senior love must maneuver through mazes of lifetime's complexities: decades of relationships with exes, children, old friends; labyrinthine webs of property and inheritance; or dwindling resources to provide comfort in the elder years. It is love that has survived loss, with no youthful illusions of invincibility."
Gai & Rhonda, together 45 years
"What really makes it work is waking up in the morning and saying, "Who is this person?" Yes, I know so much about her, but in [some] ways, I discover that I don't know anything about her. It's fantastic!"
Ellen & Dick, together 20 years
"Get the first [marriage] out of the way—We've both been married before. You don't know what you want when you're really young, it's when you get older..."
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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