I Was Vegan for Years—Then Had To Be Selfish

After eight and a half years of being vegan, I decided to quit.

When I first became vegan, it was an ethical decision, it didn't have to do with the environment or nutrition. From the research that I'd done, I found out about the realities behind factory farming, and I immediately went vegan overnight.

Coming from eating the standard American diet, I genuinely felt so good and energized after becoming vegan. I noticed benefits within one month of eating plant-based foods. I lost weight and my hair grew; it was genuinely incredible.

I felt amazing for years. In my mind, there was no way I was ever going to stop being vegan until a turning point happened.

I began struggling with infertility in 2021. My partner and I had difficulty conceiving our first child, so I expected it to be a challenge again the second time. We began trying for another baby in the summer of 2021 and I still wasn't pregnant in the fall of 2022.

I'm not saying that the vegan diet caused infertility. I don't believe that. But I do believe that it was a catalyst. My husband eating meat and my struggle with infertility prompted me to do more research.

I don't believe eating animal products will necessarily change my fertility status. While I did see some research on the benefits of eating full-fat dairy for fertility, most research recommends primarily plant-based diets for infertility.

In my case, it was more that I began doing research about fertility and realized there was so much information out there that I wasn't accepting because I was so stuck on ethical veganism.

I found that meat is full of bioavailable nutrients, which is shown to lower the risk of chromosomal abnormalities. That was something I never thought about because the view that "meat is bad" was so stuck in my head.

I did more research in general about health and wellness, which lead me to try out some new diet and lifestyle changes. I had to be selfish at that point. I couldn't keep living my life trying to save everybody around me when I was crumbling. I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and infertility.

I realized that so much of my information and my opinions on the vegan diet, even though I was speaking on them from a nutritional standpoint, were actually from an ethical one.

I was only following vegan social media influencers, vegan nutritionists, and doctors on social media, so I was only consuming information from one side of things; information telling me meat and dairy were bad.

I never saw information about the benefits of animal products, so I was 100 percent, whole-heartedly convinced they were bad for me.

Once I started doing the research, I realized that meat can absolutely be good for you. Animal products can be good for you too when they're sourced right and are of a high quality. Not all meat is going to kill you like some vegan pages say.

I'm not blaming veganism for that, but I wasn't truly focusing on myself. I was focusing on what I could do to change the world. I think trying to change the world can actually be a little bit toxic at some point because you just stop living your life for yourself. In fact, you stop living your life at all.

I started adding animal products into my diet in 2022 and began consistently eating animal products in the beginning of 2023.

I feel more satisfied physically. I've also noticed my body holding on to curves better and it's easier to put on muscle.

Mentally, I feel more free to go out and live my life, eat what smelled or sounded good, and just not live life by a list and set of rules that were expected of me. As someone from a disordered eating background, it felt so good to give myself so much food freedom.

In hindsight, when I was a vegan, I realized that I was really stuck and I wasn't being open in my opinions and my information.

And as someone that has entered the nutrition space on TikTok, I really want to make sure that moving forward, I'm not just sharing information based on my own personal ethical viewpoint, but information that is actually accurate.

I have so much respect for the vegan diet and if it works for you and it makes you feel good, that's amazing. I think causing as little harm as possible in the world while still taking care of yourself is obviously the best thing ever.

While it took me a long time to get over the fear of no longer being vegan because it was so much of my identity and I felt like I was admitting I was a failure, I'm honestly very confident in my decision. I feel really comfortable where I'm at right now.

Kayla Varney is a full-time stay-at-home mom, holistic nutritionist, and content creator.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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