What Your Child Needs to Know by 5, 10 and 15, According to Experts

Tricky conversations with kids are par for the course when you become a parent. But while many know they have to introduce the idea of stranger danger or eventually explain the birds and the bees, plenty of other topics need to be understood by children by certain age milestones.

Children learn something new every day, and parents work hard to get them ready for adulthood. Sixty-three percent of parents who participated in the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health in 2019 said they are doing enough to prepare their teenagers for adulthood. While raising children is all about pointing them in the right direction, 52 percent of the 2,032 parents surveyed said it's critical that teenagers have the opportunity to make mistakes.

Newsweek spoke to three parenting experts on the key things your children need to know at three key ages to ensure they are safe and able to succeed in life.

What Your Child Should Know by Age 5

Even elementary schoolkids should know not only their (and your) full name but also their home address and a phone number in case of an emergency, said Caitlin Slavens, a child psychologist who specializes in parenting.

The co-founder of Mama Psychologists, a community for mothers, said you can start to discuss what an emergency is and how to call 911 at around the age of 3 or 4. This may involve role-playing scenarios to help children practice and understand what they need to do if someone is hurt or in danger. Parents should regularly revisit the topic to help children remember.

Slavens also advises parents to expand on what stranger danger is by age 5. Teach kids that people they know can sometimes be "tricky" or even deceitful. This includes acquaintances, neighbors or even extended family members.

She told Newsweek: "The aim is to teach children to identify behaviors that may indicate someone is trying to manipulate, deceive or exploit them.

"Anyone can pose a threat to a child's safety, and research shows that children are more likely to be harmed by someone they know. We want children to know that certain behaviors are not OK, such as disregarding their personal space and boundaries and asking them to keep secrets from their parents.

"We don't want to use scare tactics, but it's important for them to know what a gut feeling is and empower them by telling them you know they are capable of trusting it," she said.

Slavens also emphasizes the importance of teaching children of this age to not go near open water (a pool, river or creek, for example) without being accompanied by an adult. Also, they need to practice crossing streets and learn how to look both ways and wait for traffic signals before proceeding.

Finally, she said children should be encouraged to name their emotions (such as happy, sad or angry) and express them appropriately by 5, as this skill helps build empathy and communication abilities.

What Your Child Should Know by Age 10

The phrase "you learn something new every day" is certainly true for children in middle school. The older they get, the more independent and aware of their surroundings they become. For some children, their bodies may even start to change, as puberty now begins for girls between the ages of 8 and 13 and boys between 9 and 14.

"Kids change physically and psychologically at this age, and they need to be aware of what is happening to their bodies," said Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a parenting expert.

Sadly, as they hit 10, they may lose some of their innocence. Rising gun violence is affecting young people across the country. According to the Pew Research Center, the number of children and teenagers under 18 killed by gunfire in the United States increased by 50 percent between 2019 and 2021.

While discussing this topic with a child of 10 may seem drastic, it is critical, according to Pion-Berlin, the president and CEO of Parents Anonymous, the nation's oldest family-strengthening organization.

She also encourages parents to make it clear that cellphones are a privilege, not a requirement.

"The longer you can delay them owning a phone, the better. Once they have a mobile, they must know that not everyone on the internet is telling the truth," she told Newsweek.

Make sure to enable parental controls on the device to prevent the child from accessing inappropriate chat rooms or viewing content they should not see. Pion-Berlin also advises parents to set cellphone time limits.

Grade 5 students must also be aware of dangers. They should never speak to strangers if home alone briefly.

"If they are home alone, they should know not to answer the door to anyone, even an Amazon driver, as a lot can happen in five minutes," said Pion-Berlin.

Last but certainly not least, children should know how to respond to their feelings by the age of 10.

"How parents model their feelings is influential on the child at this age. It is important for parents to share examples of empathy and awareness as their kid is becoming an independent person. They need to understand how to regulate their feelings and know that others have feelings too," Pion-Berlin said.

"A child should know that it is OK to be upset and feel comfortable enough to talk about their feelings," she added.

What Your Child Should Know by Age 15

Life may start to get somewhat serious for adolescents as they approach the end of their secondary schooling and begin to think about their future. But while they no longer need parents to hold their hands while crossing the street, they do need clear guidance when it comes to other important life skills.

Newsweek reached out to mom of seven Hannah Keeley, a board-certified life coach with a background in behavioral therapy and neuroscience, for what children need to know by the time they hit their mid-teens. When it comes to talking to strangers, Keeley said it's a necessary skill for children of this age.

"It may sound strange to some, but I always tell my children of this age to talk to strangers where appropriate, because success comes from being able to interact with other people," she told Newsweek.

"Children can actually read energies better than adults, so they often don't want to speak when someone doesn't look right. But it's key they can initiate a conversation with someone like a policeman if they need directions or a librarian if they are looking for a book. It's teaching them to operate in the adult world with confidence."

Keeley also urges parents to stop being their children's alarm clocks and teach them how to be disciplined enough to get up on their own. This will teach them how to be responsible for themselves.

"Teenagers need to learn independent living chores like how to wash their clothes and make their beds. They don't need to be a chef, but they should know how to make simple dishes, how to make a grocery list and have the ability to manage their money by 15," she said.

Of course, social media use is inevitable at this age. Some teens aged 13 to 17 have even admitted they spend too much time on platforms such as YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, according to the Pew Research Center. In 2022, it surveyed 1,316 U.S. teens, and 54 percent said it would be hard to give up social media.

Given this, Keeley said parents should encourage their children to be a creator rather than just a consumer of online content.

"They treat social media as entertainment," she added. "Motivate them to spend more energy creating content to serve others, but be sure to set parameters such as no taking phones to bed."

At this age, friendships can also become problematic, but teens should start to learn to respect different perspectives. After all, there are always two sides to every story.

"Teens should know that it is better to do right than be right. People are imperfect, and everyone has their own story. Teaching your children to be compassionate and understand the bigger picture is one of the best things you can do," Keeley said.

Update 02/06/24, 3:30 a.m. ET: This article has been updated with a new photo of Caitlin Slavens and title for Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin.

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