'Why I Banned My Family From Kissing My Baby'

When you meet a loved one's baby for the first time, it can be tempting to give them a kiss on their soft cheeks. It's something we tend not to think twice about, especially if we're feeling emotional. However, research shows that kissing newborns—particularly those born premature or with health problems—can cause serious harm.

A cough, cold, or a cold sore may not seem like a big deal to adults. But for a vulnerable baby, catching a virus can be life-threatening because of their underdeveloped immune systems. This means they're susceptible to infections, and face-to-face contact with someone via a simple kiss is an easy way to spread germs.

A survey of 2,300 new and expectant parents in the United Kingdom by the charity The Lullaby Trust found that 54 percent would let friends and family kiss their newborn baby, unaware of the risk of serious infection. Despite the risk, 63 percent said they would feel uneasy asking visitors not to touch their baby, worried that they'd offend someone, hurt their feelings, or be labeled an overprotective parent.

Nonetheless, some mums are putting a ban on people kissing their babies in order to protect them. Casey Major-Bunce, a mum-of-four who posts parenting tips on social media at @majormumhacks, told Newsweek that it is more than reasonable to ask friends and family not to kiss a baby.

"Newborns are vulnerable. If people considered what germs they might pass on to a baby, they would stop in their tracks," Major-Bunce said. "Saying 'no' should not affect family members; it's not about them."

Another mum, Niki*, told Newsweek: "I not only banned kissing but also blowing my baby's face too because it spreads germs. When I told family they were surprised, but they were actually OK once I explained why it was dangerous."

It sounds unusual, but blowing on an infant is a common way to try to stop them crying, as it provides a distraction.

Not everyone is so understanding and accepting of your choices as a parent, however.

Philippa*, a mom of one, told Newsweek her sister told her she was "overreacting" when she asked them not to kiss her newborn son. "They made me feel a bit silly, but I'm glad I was firm. Covid happened less than a year later and it became more normal to avoid touching and kissing faces."

It can be difficult to tell people not to kiss, blow on or touch your baby—even if you're uncomfortable with it. Angelica Malin, whose daughter was born last summer, said she didn't initially stop people kissing her daughter, although she did ask visitors to take a Covid-19 test before they arrived.

"I was pretty lax with letting people hold her and kiss her, mainly because I was too awkward and British to know how to express that I didn't really want people to," she told Newsweek.

"I think I could have had stricter boundaries with physical contact as I felt anxious that she was going to get sick," said Malin. "If I have a second baby, I would be a lot stricter with people kissing and touching and worry less about being mean and more about the child's health."

So, what should you do if you want to stop people from kissing your baby?

First, it's important to remember that you're not overreacting. Babies are at higher risk of serious illness from common colds and other viruses. Even something as seemingly minor as cold sores, which affect one in five people, can lead to neonatal herpes, which is very dangerous to newborn babies and potentially fatal.

Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), especially common in winter, usually manifests as a case of sniffles in children. However, it can be very harmful to babies, especially those born prematurely.

Simple hygiene measures can lower the risk of passing on infections to young babies. Experts advise asking people to wash their hands before touching or holding an infant and to avoid visiting if you're unwell. It's also important to avoid kissing them, too.

Caroline Rowett, a coach for parents, told Newsweek that setting boundaries with friends and family can be difficult, but there are steps you can take to make it easier.

When asking people not to kiss your baby, be calm and firm. It can help to explain your concerns about infections.

"A parent's primary job is to ensure the well-being of their child. It is not at all unreasonable for them to take measures to keep their baby safe and healthy," said Rowett. "If the baby is vulnerable due to premature birth or other health complications or if friends or family are ill, it is perfectly acceptable for parents to ask them to refrain from kissing their baby."

Rowett advises to be confident in your ability to keep your baby safe and to trust your instincts. "This empowers a parent to communicate boundaries with family and friends calmly and, if necessary, firmly," she said.

*Surnames have been omitted to protect identities.

If you have a parenting dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.